A woman recently courted controversy on TikTok by sharing her dating rules that prevent men who don’t offer to pay for her Starbucks order to even get the to the talking stage.
Since the dating world is full of so many different potential partners and since dating apps typically only give you a person’s looks and what they have to say about themselves to go off of, we can see some people develop personal tests to see who they’re compatible with.
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Although one model has gone as far as to make her potential dates take an IQ test , other tests like this tend to be subtle enough that people don’t even realize they’re taking them.
And while these tests can be monetary, they can also be designed to give daters a sense that their potential partners not only care about their safety but also won’t be a danger to it themselves .
One woman’s test wasn’t necessarily intended to determine such life-or-death implications, but she nonetheless sparked debate for both her expectations and what it means when they aren’t met.
On May 18, a woman named Evelyn Ray responded to a TikTok video in which a man stated that he couldn’t believe some women date men who aren’t willing to pay for their nails, hair, and Starbucks order.
And right off the bat, she made it clear that she emphatically agreed, saying, “Baby, you don’t even get a talking stage!”
She went on to say that if she happens to mention during a chat that she’s about to go get a coffee, she will cease all contact with the guy she’s talking to if they don’t immediately offer to send $10 through Zelle or Apple Pay.
And that hard and fast dating rule along with the unspoken nature of her expectations provoked a variety of passionate responses.
For some commenters, this standard was celebrated as a test that encourages knowing and enforcing your worth , while others felt it was a greater point of pride not to need a potential date’s money.
As one of the latter women put it, “I feel empowered knowing I can afford all of that myself without having the need to ask anybody for money.”
This led Ray to follow-up on her video and state that she is also in a financially dependent position, which made her standards make all the more sense to her.
As she saw it, that meant that a man who doesn’t have the means to provide for her and protect her doesn’t give her much incentive to spend any time with him. She felt this hypothetical man can’t do anything for her that she can’t already do for herself.
And as she addressed in this second follow-up, the $10 Starbucks order was a good test to see what else the man might be willing to cover.
In her words, “If you do take me out for lunch or for dinner, you’re not going to be the type of guy that is going to make me split the bill with you.”
And she further stated that her standards also applied to women as she felt those who actually would need the man to pay for their Starbucks orders should get their affairs in order before they date anyone.
Nonetheless, those who weren’t won over by these explanations still felt Ray was taking a regressive, outdated attitude to relationships even if she was conceptualizing them in a different way.
As one commenter put it, “Well, would you have the same stereotypical standards for a woman too? If she can’t cook and doesn’t have motherly instincts, should men avoid her?”
Still, others defended Ray and said that her test was more about gauging the effort someone was willing to put into a relationship on their own than any money or stereotypes.
I guess we all decide what we want out of life and this just shows how hard it can be to find someone who’s compatible with us in that way.
