Even if you don’t see yourself as the secretive type , you probably have at least a few secrets . Heck, some of those are probably secrets that you’re keeping away from your significant other .
This might conjure up images of marital infidelity or some other dark secret. While that’s always a possibility, there are also secrets that are downright wholesome. This r/AskReddit thread brings the goods .
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Before we begin: a cautionary tale.
“I had a secret, and posted it one time on reddit. Then my fiance found it, and now we’ve since split up. Remember, use an alt account just in case. She wasn’t a tech savy person or even knew what reddit was. So it was surprising when I was confronted. Don’t assume just because they don’t know about these things that they wont ever find it.”
Smooth operator.
“I’ve never been a playboy and got incredibly lucky that she ever even spoke to me in the first place. She thinks I’m this smooth talking experienced ladies man, she has no idea she’s the first girl to fall for my amazing pick up line, ‘Do you have a boyfriend?'”
– u/TuoFox
Their emotions were real even if the moment was faked.
“That our daughter took her first steps 2 weeks before he saw her walk. But I kept it quiet until she walked while his parents were over. They were so excited they saw her first steps!”
That kid will grow up tough.
“I got our toddler out of bed one morning and went to do a sniff test of their butt to see if they had poo’d over night and when I lifted my child up i stuck their head in the ceiling fan.
Oh and the time I forgot to put the car in park with them in it.”
Some things are better left unknown.
“It’s been four years and I’m still super annoyed that he can’t remember that one dream he had one night that caused him to laugh his ass off in his sleep. I want to know the funny.”
Most parents probably have a story like this.
“I dropped the diaper rash cream container on our daughter’s head when she was like 8 days old. She let out this scream that still haunts me. When he came in the room to see what happened I lied and said I just dropped the lid on her.”
When you eat your way into a tough situation.
“One time we had half a container of ice cream left. I had a craving. I ate a bowl, then another. Then I decided to finish the tub to destroy the evidence. Then I realized she would notice that there was no ice cream left. So I went to the store, bought another tub, and then ate that one down to the same level.
This was a GALLON tub.”
They really took one for the team.
“My nieces don’t like the aquarium. I just constantly took them there because I thought my now girlfriend, who works there, was pretty and thought if she saw me constantly taking them it’d lead to us talking.”
Chalk this one up to “all’s well that ends well.”
“When I asked her dad for his blessing I had some liquid courage first and I can’t remember what his response was. Let’s hope it was yes because we’ve been married for over 2 years.”
When you’re very sweet but also very clumsy.
“I’ve broken your personalized cup your sister got you three times.
I recreated the design on paint and got some screen printing stall at the mall to print it on the cup, each time it looks a little bit different.”
A convenient scapegoat.
“Our cat didn’t break the towel rack. I did. I was pretending to be fighting zombies and grabbed it and… ripped the thing off the wall. I heard her coming to check out the noise and looked down at my cat.”
Everyone is the star of their own show.
“When I play video games and my wife isn’t here, I narrate what I do and respond to fake questions from a non-existant chat like I’m some kind of big shot streamer. I even look at a fake camera when something happen lol.”
I’m sure he’s ashamed of it.
“The reason I wasn’t hungry that one day in Dublin was because when I stayed behind to get ready while she waited in the lobby I ate the entire box of leftover chicken wings that we took home from the restaurant the day before. I ate 15 cold, oily chicken wings in about 5 minutes at 9 AM before heading out for breakfast.”
We’ve all been there.
“Sometimes I just sit in my car outside work or our apartment for 20-30 minutes because I need some time alone. I have my mind full to the brim at work and rarely get time in the house alone. Sometimes I just need it to be quiet and not have to pay attention to anything!”
There’s a fine line between ‘talkative’ and ‘please shut up.’
“My husband loves talkative cats. When we first got our kittens I gave them a treat every time they made a meow or chirp. Since I was working from home they ended up becoming very vocal. He still goes on about how lucky we are to have such talkative cats in a weekly basis.”
Who’s the real culprit?
“That I am the one placing the googly eyes on everything in our house, not our 6-year-old.”
“I think my husband caught on when he noticed that superglue was used and the 7-year-old hadn’t glued her finger together, but I suddenly had no fingerprints.”
Hopefully she doesn’t follow this account.
“When my Girlfriend and I go out to eat at a restaurant, they will sometimes let us order food through our phones at the table. I’ll insist on ordering because it lets me write in their ‘special instructions’ box where i request if they could compliment her outfit.
Honestly i think i get just as much enjoyment seeing her reaction. I can never let her know.”
The perfect crime.
“Whenever she’s not home, I let the dog onto the bed and take a really comfy nap. I set an alarm for an hour and kick the dog off and clean the fur off before she ever gets home. I’ve been doing this for nearly 3 years now.”
Bob Ross would call that a happy accident.
“It was an accident we met. I thought I was agreeing to see his friend, who was the other guy in the picture.”
“Not quite the same, but I when I swiped on my boyfriend, I misread his name as Matt. His name is actually Mark. Mark is also the name of my mom’s ex who I don’t really like. I may not have swiped on him if I’d properly read his name, but I’m so happy I did.”
Sweet but kind of sad.
“When I was 14, my grandma passed away. For years, I had been bothering my parents for my own gold necklace. Well, Gram had a little bit of money and she gave me the $300 for a gold necklace in her will. It was my pride and joy. I had it around my neck for 17 years before I met my wife. It was off my neck maybe three times in those 17 years. My wife (then girlfriend) knew how much it meant to me and asked to wear it once. Well, it never came home. She had lost it somewhere or it had gotten stolen. I was distraught like crazy for three or four days while we turned our house upside down looking for it. Inevitably, I gave up, but she was very bothered by it all. So, I decided to go to a pawn shop and buy the closest I could get to an exact duplicate and then I told her that I had found the necklace in the couch cushions. To this day, she thinks that I found my necklace from my grandmother, but this is actually version 2.”
