True love is hard to come by. You need to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince or princess, and sometimes we don’t realize that until we’re up to our necks in toxicity and relationship red flags.
It can be difficult to be objective , especially when you’re the one on the inside. So in order to help guide you in your quest, here are 15 relationship scenarios that are simply not okay for anyone to have to contend with.
There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
“I’d say it’s a bad sign if the person treats a difference in your relationship preferences as a wrong/right situation, rather than as a difference in preference.” – Reddit u/Andromede
When somebody shows you their true colors — believe them.
Reddit user Ghitit says that if someone tells you that you shouldn’t date them — take them at their word. Don’t allow your willful ignorance and desire to change someone to interfere with good judgment. It almost never works out the way you want it to.
When they refuse to meet your friends and vice/versa
If the girl or guy you’re with doesn’t want to meet your friends and doesn’t want you to meet theirs, that’s a sign to walk away according to Redditor SweetDuckling. Someone who wants to keep aspects of themself a secret is someone you should be wary of.
Ultimatums are toxic and simply do not work.
Redditor Arthropody says that you should never allow anyone to give you an ultimatum. Threatening the relationship or implying that your affection isn’t unconditional is no way to behave around someone you claim to care about.
“When you start to hate the person you are when you’re with them.” – Reddit u/what_ismylife
More than anything else in life or in any relationship — self-love, and self-worth are paramount. If you start to notice yourself changing into someone you neither like nor recognize, it might be time to reassess.
Do they make time for you?
Reddit user Perfect1onOwns wants to know if when you text your significant other, do they text you back within a reasonable amount of time, or do they leave you waiting in the wind? Conversely, when you’re with them, are they always on their phone? If the answer is yes, you could be headed for trouble.
Displaying a total lack of independence.
Of course, you want your significant other to be devoted to you, but not at the expense of their own personal autonomy. Reddit user SleepyConscience says that when someone surrenders their independence entirely for another, trouble is bound to follow.
You are the company that you keep.
Do you despise your significant other’s friends? Do you cringe at how they behave and the way they act? If so, rest assured that the one you’re with is probably a lot more similar to their friend group than they are different from it.
Not fighting at all can be worse than fighting all the time.
Despite what Hollywood likes to portray — healthy couples fight and have disagreements. Reddit user Dr_Crobe is quick to point out that if your significant other stops caring about the little things, they’ll soon simply stop caring about you.
“When they never apologize or takes[sic] responsibility for bad behavior.” – Reddit u/Dwarf-Shortage
I never understood the old saying “Being in love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I would argue that being in love means having to say you’re sorry all the time — usually for things you don’t entirely understand or even accept. But you do it anyway because you love them.
Does your partner constantly complain about their ex?
Reddit user LiterallyOuttoLunch says that if the person you’re with can’t shut up about the person who wronged them so terribly, there’s probably a lot more to it than meets the eye. People who are happy and content don’t constantly drudge up ghosts of girlfriends’ past.
Trust in the wisdom of those around you.
Redditor excusemesir_ wants you to pay extra special attention to the opinions of your friends and family members as it pertains to your significant other. If everyone you love can’t stand them, they may just be seeing something that you refuse to.
Can you keep a secret?
Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets hurt someone. Reddit user homerBM wants you to remember that you should never allow yourself to be kept in the dark. If someone is too ashamed, embarrassed, etc. to admit to the world that you’re together — then they don’t deserve you.
Hands off.
Let me be very clear with what I am about to say: there is never an excuse for a man or woman to lay their hands upon you. You didn’t do anything to make them hit you. You didn’t have it coming and you certainly don’t deserve it. Know that if it happens once, it will happen again.
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“When somehow all their bad behavior is because of something YOU did.” – Reddit u/thebloodofthematador
This kind of reframing of reality is what we affectionately refer to as “gaslighting.” You can’t compel anyone to do anything that they don’t want to do, and someone who refuses to take ownership of their actions is someone you don’t need in your life.
h/t: Reddit
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