Chris Hemsworth has a theory: Matt Damon is bad for him.
Matt recently appeared on Ellen and spilled some tea about his good bud, Chris. Chris 100% blames Matt for a certain incident involving a certain reptile — yeah, this story takes some turns.
Let’s get into it.
Matt Damon stopped by Ellen for his new movie.
He was there promoting Ford v Ferrari . Ellen being Ellen, the topic did not stay on the movie for long.
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Instead, things moved to the trip he took to visit Chris Hemsworth. They went glamping, and things…happened.
Ellen did not bother with a segway.
She wanted to know about her chosen topic, okay?
“You spend a lot of time with the Hemsworth boy in Australia, Chris, and he says that you’re extremely bad luck,” she began.
She’d clearly spoken to Chris recently.
“Because every — first of all, Australia, everything there can kill you. We know that. But he said he’s lived there forever, and nothing’s ever happened until you’re there.”
Oh, this is gonna be good.
Okay, so Matt’s Chris impression is hilarious.
“Maybe he has really good luck, I don’t know. ‘I can’t believe this happened to you, man.’ I’m like…I stepped on a snake the last time I was there.”
He pulled out a trusty Australian accent for his Chris quote. I don’t have the authority to say how good it was. It wasn’t…bad.
“A python. A huge python.”
A PYTHON.
“Like an 8-foot python. And I was getting out of a car. That’s how many things in Australia are, like, crazy.”
If there are any Australians reading this, please advise if your country really is that nuts.
He was just trying to live his best Australian life.
“I was getting out of a car. In a neighborhood that was bordering a little, kind of area with trees going down to the beach.”
This just in: Matt Damon may or may not have forgotten the word “path.”
Oh, no thank you. I’m good.
“We were going to the beach, and we were going to hike down this little trail. And I got out of the car, I stepped on something that felt like a giant piece of wood, and it was a snake like that big.”
Ellen asked what we we’re all wondering.
“And what did it do when you stepped on it?”
I had visions of Matt Damon being bitten by a snake and going to the hospital, even though something like that obviously would have made headlines.
Um, what?
“It didn’t even really notice that I was on it. I jumped off of it and my flip flops, and it just kinda kept going.”
So, snakes are kinda super weird, huh?
Ellen had some thoughts on his footwear.
“I wouldn’t be wearing flip-flops if I were you,” she said.
Okay, thank you. Because the minute he said that, I remembered that he said they were going on a hike .
Matt had a fair point.
“Well, I was going to the beach!”
Ellen had a fairer point:
“I know, but it’s Australia.”
Australia. Seriously, someone tell me: what is going on in your country, and are the snakes that chill?
Matt had a pretty solid idea.
“It’s true. It’s true. You should wear full armor at all times.”
Alright, so note to self: pack armor when traveling to Australia. Also, find armor, or a castle where you can raid a knight.
Matt’s daughter had some bad luck, too.
“My daughter Stella got stung by a jellyfish.”
Again, Ellen asked the question that maybe not all of us were wondering, but surely someone out there was? I guess? Possibly, maybe?
“Did they have to pee on her?”
What an absolutely fascinating question to ask an actor just like that. Only Ellen.
Matt pointed out that peeing on a jellyfish sting basically does nothing . So, that one Friends episode where Chandler peed on Monica? He peed on her for no reason.
He had some helpful advice for everyone.
“What you’re supposed to do is put somebody in a really hot bath, and get a sponge, and gently move the little — ’cause there’s these tiny little needles that are in you when one of them stings you — you brush them out.”
Yup, I’ve done it. Listen to Matt Damon, everyone. He gives solid ocean safety advice.
