Deciding to marry someone is a huge task. How do you know if the person is the “one”? That’s a question on many people’s minds.
So when I stumbled upon a Reddit thread that asked, “What are the small things to consider before marrying someone that most people usually ignore?” I was really intrigued. Here are just a few interesting answers I got that might help you figure it out.
This Friendship Question
“Honestly, this is probably a big thing but: Do you LIKE them? Do they LIKE you? In another universe, if a relationship were not on the table, would the two of you actually be friends? It shocks me how many people don’t seem to be in a ‘yes’ scenario to this one.”
I think this one speaks volumes. What do you think?
This Stranger Test
“How they treat strangers — like waiters, customers, taxi drivers, etc. It says a lot about their character.”
Honestly, I totally agree. The way somebody treats others is a great judge of character. You wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s rude to strangers, right?
The Stress Test
“Don’t marry someone until you’ve seen them stressed, or until your relationship has been stressed.”
Oh, yeah. When you’re both stressed, things really do come out of the woodwork, huh? Use that to your advantage to see how you both handle things.
Relationship With Money
“Your partner’s relationship with money and finances.”
Truth be told, many couples argue over money. I think it’s one of the biggest causes of divorce. A lot of people don’t talk about this subject before they get married, and it comes back to haunt them.
Your Downtime
“How do you each like to spend your downtime, as in, the time when you’re not working, sleeping, or out? Do you share hobbies like the same types of shows or movies? Or do one of you love to read in the dead quiet while the other loves to do needlecrafts while they blast music? It’s important to make sure that you can comfortably just coexist together. It doesn’t sound like a big thing, but it’ll become one really quickly if the way one of you enjoys downtime prevents the other partner from enjoying theirs.”
Coexisting can be hard. I’m not going to lie, especially when you live in a small space, but if you can find ways to cohabitate and not interfere with each other’s enjoyment of life, you’re on the right track.
The Travel Test
“Travel together for at least a week. I know ‘travel’ may sound big as it requires some considerable amount of planning and finance to set up, but hear me out. A quick way to gauge all of the small things that could be considered before deciding to commit with someone is to share personal space in a place that is outside both of your comfort zones. A holiday is different than cohabiting because you’d both be away from familiar personal things and routines, which kind of forces both of you to ‘unmask.'”
I can tell you right now that traveling together will test you. If you can survive that, you’re getting there, haha.
The Sex Card
“Make sure that you’re sexually compatible.”
Even though the butterflies in your stomach may eventually go away, you still need to be attracted to your partner if you want your relationship to stay strong. You don’t have to make it a priority, but don’t let it slip away either.
Your Energy Levels
“Dealing with your partner’s energy level. I am very high energy, and my partner is very low energy, and it can get really frustrating. I double down during stressful times by working harder and putting more into the project, and he becomes the walking dead and only wants to eat sugar and sleep, and that can be really relationship damaging (both ways).”
Hmm, that’s interesting to consider, right?
This Childhood Lesson
“How they were raised as children because that can leak into how they will raise your children.”
Oh, yeah, often we repeat our parent’s mistakes. So the way somebody was raised can have a huge effect on how they might parent their own children.
The Friendships
“Do you get along with each other’s friends? You don’t have to particularly like them, but are you civil?”
I don’t think this is necessarily a deal-breaker unless you spend a lot of time with each other’s friends. But it’s still important to be able to respect other people’s opinions and be civil.
Do You Have Fun?
“If I had to pick a partner again, I’d make sure to pick someone who makes things more fun. I’m talking about mundane things like grocery shopping, standing in line at the bank, sitting in traffic, or fixing something around the house. Your life will be made up of those things, and having someone who makes those things a little more enjoyable is a true treasure. I am that person, but my husband is the opposite. He complains and whines and makes those things worse, and I truly think it will be the demise of our relationship.”
Doing mundane things can be stressful, but if you can make the best of it, then you’re really winning in life. So make it fun for each other.
The Mother-Son Relationship
“How your partner speaks to his mother. I feel that how a man talks to his mother reveals a lot about how he feels about women in general. I’m talking about a relationship where the mother is not an evil that triggers tough emotions in her child and he reacts to her, but rather a neutrally ‘positive’ relationship with the parent.”
No kind man would be mean to his own mother. That’s all I’m saying.
Is Marriage Necessary?
“Whether marriage is necessary in the first place. Is this about being together or an economic, political union? Sometimes, marriage benefits become important, but not everybody needs it in their life. Focus on having a functioning relationship for several years, then consider whether you need to get that in writing.”
I guess that’s why Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel are still not married. Am I right?
This Random Kindness
“What little, random kindnesses does your partner do for you? Alternately, what little, random disrespects and annoyances do they do? Things that don’t matter but over time add up both positively and negatively. Not in a nitpicking way but as a way to conceptualize how subconsciously your partner feels about you and your relationship. Do these things drop off and pick up? Do they still do the kind things even when they’re PISSED? Keep those things in perspective. It’s so auxiliary it sounds silly, but I’ve often ended relationships not because of something major but because of something so minor it made me have an epiphany that things weren’t ever going to work.”
I actually wrote about this in another article and it was so sweet to see what couples do for each other without the other one noticing. Those little things really add up.
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The Winning Argument
“Has your partner ever apologized to you, or do they have to ‘win’ every argument? No one is right all the time, and if either of you can’t admit wrongness or bend at all, that’s a terrible sign for your future.”
It’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about how you treat somebody in an argument.
The Decision Making Process
“Their decision-making when it comes to big decisions that could affect both people in a relationship. Would they consult you before making a decision, or just make the decision and not let you know ahead of time? It’s an important consideration.”
Once you get married, you become a unit, and you need to consider the other person before making huge life decisions.
This Positive Presence
“Their everyday reaction to your presence. Do they look up at you when you enter a room? Do they smile, or do they ignore you? Because I’m telling you, 10 years of being ignored DRAINS your soul.”
This might be a small thing for some, but for me, it’s huge. If you can’t light up the room for someone and vice versa, it’s not a good sign.
This Heart-To-Heart
“Are you sure you want to marry them? Are they sure they want to marry you? That sounds obvious, but I know of two friends going through a divorce right now, and they both admitted they had doubts while they were engaged, but they rationalized and went through with it. Both agree that you shouldn’t ignore your doubts. Marriage can be hard. You have to be with the right person to make it through! If you’re not sure it’s the right person, don’t do it.”
It’s okay to have doubts because marriage is a big life decision, but if those doubts persist, you may want to reconsider things.
Wow, those are some important things to consider, right?
Have you thought about any of these questions before you got married? Which one would be a total dealbreaker for you? I think the most important thing is whether you get along and have mutual respect and affection for one another. It also helps if you have a positive connection with each other’s families.
