They say that all’s fair in love and war.
But when it comes to human decency , lying is a major no-no, right next to cheating and neglecting to tell someone they have spinach in their teeth.
Sadly, it’s a favorite pastime of some men (I mean, even Pinocchio was a man). They lie about trivial things, such as our cooking, their height, or saying that our butt didn’t look fat in those jeans. They’re also pretty good at lying about more serious offenses, such as cheating.
It’s about time for some truth serum! Here, 19 women share the crazy (and downright creative) lies men told them.
“The game is almost over”
How many times have we heard this one, ladies?!
It could be a sports video game or an actual game on TV. Either way, their “idea” of how much time is left is always off by an irritating amount.
The married man
“When I pulled county records that showed he married a girl two years into our relationship and called him barely able to utter a word, his answer was, ‘It is not me.’ He simply was not aware of what info is available online.” —Anonymous, 51
Their height
While some women tend to use skinnier photos of themselves on dating profiles, men are more attuned to lying about their height. Since when did 5’6 become 6’2?
Unfortunately, this lie only makes things more awkward when you finally meet in person…
The color preference
“Yeah I like the red curtains over the green ones = I don’t care, I’m choosing a colour now otherwise we will argue over how I don’t give a [expletive] about curtains when I really should.” – u/ ItsJustBeenRevoked2
“We can always come back later”
These lying words are usually uttered after a six-hour shopping trip where they did nothing but groan and hold our bags.
As far as white lies go, we’ll let this one go. It saves our wallets from doing more damage.
The witness protection program
“I had an ex ghost me after two months of constant contact. I then received a random text from him that he had ‘witnessed something bad’ during his trip home and he was forced into the witness protection program. A week later I saw his car three blocks away. He was shacked up with a friend of a friend.” – generalbowen
“No big deal, it wasn’t that heavy”
Women lie about this, too! It’s like when you’re walking up a big hill next to people and have to try and hide your wheezing breath.
You don’t want them to think you’re weak and out of shape. Or, in this case, “less of a man,” so most men suck it up and hide the pain.
“I don’t get jealous”
“Girls feel they have to lie about this too. I don’t get it. I mean, don’t be a psycho. But a little jealousy is natural in relationships and not acknowledging that it exists probably only makes it worse.” – u/ awarmestblue
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The cat scratches
Cheating on your partner is bad enough without lying about it! But that’s what this woman’s ex did after she found scratches on his back.
He tried to say it was from their cat only to change his story and say that he tripped. The truth? He cheated on her with her friend.
“Of course, you don’t look fat”
“That once we’re in a committed relationship, we don’t notice the sweatpants, the lack of attention to hair and makeup, or the few extra pounds. We do, but you’re all we’ve got, and making you sad or angry is bad for us. P retty sure girls do the same thing for their partners, of course.” – u/deleted
“The dog farted”
LOL. Are you even a dog owner if you haven’t blamed a toot on your poor dog?
In this case, we’ll forgive the men for this one, especially if it’s in the beginning stages of the relationship where comfortability is still fragile.
The thief
“Money went missing from my bank account. When I called the bank and found out it had been withdrawn from our local bank with my debit card, I questioned my boyfriend. He told me he didn’t steal from me, and that he had a sleepwalking disorder where he does things he doesn’t remember.” —Anonymous
The no-show
Dating is rough. Just ask this woman who got blown off on a second date after spending $60 on nonrefundable tickets to a haunted forest.
While her date told her he wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t go, he then posted a screenshot of a four-mile run he did on his Instagram story. Boy, bye!
The secret agent
“When I was in college, a guy convinced me that he served the White House in secret intelligence and had to be gone for a few days to a week or more. Later I found out that he was married!” – Anonymous
The stolen car
One girl was impressed when the guy she liked pulled up to her house in a car that he said was his mother’s.
After driving around for a bit, they came back to the house to find the police. Yep, Prince Charming stole the car.
The NBA player
“I was at an outside bar in LA and this guy who looked to be in his 40s, and was shorter than me, came up and told me he was a professional basketball player. I laughed thinking it was a joke but he was really trying to say he was in the NBA. He asked if he could buy me a drink and I said ‘I’m not sleeping with you’ and he suddenly lost interest.” – beccaloni
“Just got off work”
While men are usually telling the truth about this, some days they just need time to unwind by themselves.
So they will go home and watch TV or play video games. As soon as they’re content, they’ll let us know they’re off work.
“I’m just not interested in a relationship right now”
“Honestly, it’s not that at all, it’s that you’re not relationship material. I have my standards and you don’t qualify. But that sort of honesty is going to ruin the mood, and I’m trying to get it in. So I’ll massage your ego, pull the whole ‘it’s not you it’s me’ card, and I’ll cuddle with you until the morning so you don’t feel cheap.” – u/ HalfysReddit
“I love you”
And finally, we come to this telltale lie. A person should only say this if they really mean it, not just so they can get what they want. It’s cruel to get someone’s hopes up only to knock them down (and their heart).
