Every relationship comes with a set of expectations that are important to each person. But some people take that idea a little too far. At best, they’re woefully misguided. At worst, they’re downright abusive .
A woman asked the internet if she was overreacting after finding out that her husband-to-be (and his mother) had been rating her ability to take care of his child . The internet had some opinions.
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The post was titled, “AITA for going off on my fiancé after I found out that he and his mom have been secretly ‘rating’ my motherhood?”
“I [34F] got engaged to my fiancé [37M] months ago. I have a stepson [9M]. Once I moved in with my fiancé I noticed he’s started making weird requests regarding his son.”
She then explained that the fiancé and his mother have been wanting her to take the son places and cook him specific things.
“Now I didn’t have issues with that but I noticed that if I don’t do what I’m asked or say I was busy with work or a project, then I got told that I need to step up and be more of a mother than anything else,” she continued.
She states that these requests continued, and included buying the kid expensive electronics.
She also states that they’d had her cancel plans with family and friends to be there for the son.
“NGL I got tired of trying to keep up and jumping through hoops to be there at his beck and call.”
She also got a list from her fiancé, detailing things she wasn’t allowed to do.
The list included not being able to get a babysitter or go to weddings that didn’t allow children. Or even have time to herself.
“He says he’s trying to teach me or… prepare me to become a fully committed mother…”
“…which I think is illogical because I believe that even moms have their own personal time despite having kids.”
Things get worse when the woman finds a notebook with a list of tasks the fiancé had her perform, as well as ratings out of 10 on how she handled them (most were 5/10 or 6/10).
When she confronts him, he says it’s no big deal and that it was his mother’s idea, to “make sure he picked the right mom for his son.”
“He said I’m overreacting and it was nothing but I found [it] disrespectful and humiliating because I’m a human and imperfect and so for him to judge me like this hurt me. His mom thinks they’re justified and my anger was not valid.”
She ends the post by asking the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for her reaction.
She also makes sure to emphasize the fact that she adores the son and is more than willing to step up for him, but thinks that the requests she’s been given are unrealistic.
In the comments section, the woman also reveals that the fiancé doesn’t do nearly as much for his son as he expects her to do.
In a response to a commenter, the woman writes, “I kept thinking maybe I need to really step up but after reading the ratings I felt depressed and helpless because it seems that no matter how hard I try, it’s just not enough.”
But the comment section is pretty united in thinking her reaction was valid.
One commenter wrote, “Sis. He is trying to cut you off from friends and family to become nothing but a mother to his child, and take the brunt of parenting out of his own hands. He’s after control and to have a servant.”
It really sounds like he wants someone to take care of his kid more than he wants a wife.
“The rating thing is weird and I’m guessing he and his mother are nowhere near perfect either despite them obviously thinking they are,” another commenter said.
Hopefully things work out for OP.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments!
