Going on first dates is a stressful, awkward necessity for anyone who’d like to find a life partner.
Everyone’s had a bad first date or two. Sometimes it’s for mundane reasons, and sometimes it’s for spectacularly ridiculous reasons.
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If you’re unlucky in love, the answers to the r/AskReddit thread “Those who’ve walked out on first dates, what was your ‘I’m out of here’ moment?” should make you feel a tiny bit better.
The drama dame.
“When I realized she was trying to get her ex get jealous of me. She chose the place and time and it was where her ex worked at that time.
“Left and apologized to the ex.”
The beard opponent.
“Not me but this happened to a friend. Context: friend has a beard. So my friend picks up this girl and they’re on their way to dinner and she says ‘You do realize that if this is gonna work you have to shave that off right?’ He didn’t say anything, just turned around and dropped her back off at her house.”
The engagement waffler.
“I had a first date with a girl who told me, ‘Actually I’m engaged but I’m not 100% sure if he’s the right one. So I’m going to go out on a few dates to see if I change my mind.’
“Check please!”
The scary stalker.
“The fact that within 10 minutes of meeting him he started making sexual comments and ‘joking’ about following me home so he could stalk me if I rejected him.
“I got out with the help of a bartender who let me leave out the back door.”
The expensive date.
“Had a first date with a girl who insisted we go to a really expensive place, where she ordered a $25 dollar appetizer, $45 steak and a $15 drink. She wouldn’t put down her phone, kept taking calls and answering texts. The waitress noticed and motioned for me from behind her. I excused myself, and the waitress had separate bills all made up and asked if I wanted to pay my share and leave her at the table. I said, ‘That would be wonderful!’ So I did.”
The dodgeball dummy.
“He invited me and a friend to play dodgeball with a group of folks I’ve never met. We’re hanging out in the parking lot before the first game is about to start when out of nowhere he grabs a ball and throws it at my crotch as hard as he can. This [guy] screams ‘wham, bam, right in the clam!'”
The day drinker.
“1pm lunch date and she was drunk as a skunk. She invited me back to her place, where she said her two-year-old son wouldn’t even notice. I noped out and called her a cab home.
“I still feel bad for the son years later.”
– u/Wrexis
The unsure ex.
“Only happened once, she kept talking about her ex, I asked if she wanted to get back with him, she said I don’t know and showed me a picture of him…couldn’t leave fast enough.”
The constant complainer.
“I had to pick him up and he complained about everything. My car, the way I drove, my music taste, why was I being so quiet while carefully plotting my escape plan. Definitely the moment he said ‘My friends really want to meet you. I need them to know you’re real.’ Annnnnnndddddd that’s when I bounced.”
The stripper psycho.
“On a first date with a military guy. He spent a large portion of the date talking about why the strippers in Toronto were better than the strippers where we lived. To change the topic, I asked him if he did any volunteer work with the military overseas and he said ‘NO! I joined the military to kill people not help people!’ I got my bill, chugged my beer, and left as fast as I could.”
– u/Idid
The dungeonmaster.
“Invited me inside while he finished getting ready, no biggie. Once inside he insisted that I let him show me his ‘dungeon’. Dudes apartment was pretty empty, minus a t.v and couch, but his bedroom was kitted out. He then wanted now uncomfortable me to see if the shackles on his bed fit me. Thankfully, I had set up for a friend to call me within the first 30 mins of the date and I faked an emergency.”
The fluids fool.
“The guy wanted to play ‘never have I ever’ as an ice breaker.
“He goes first and says ‘never have I ever drank my own fluids.’ He then proceeds to neck his entire pint.
“Laters mate.”
– u/avendu
The choosy beggar.
“Went to pick up my blind date. She opened the door and looked at me.
“‘Ew.’
“I looked at her and said ‘Yeah, I agree’ and turned on my heel and left. Total date time less than 5 minutes.”
The toenail hoarder.
“Went to meet a guy for the first time at his house. There was a pile of toenail clippings on his coffee table. And it wasn’t one recent clipping. It was like, many clippings. Out the door I went.”
The Sharer.
“This guy and I were eating dinner after chatting for a couple of weeks, and unprompted (in the middle of something I was saying) and completely unrelated to what was being discussed he said something along the lines of, ‘So you know in order for this to work you’re gonna have to share yourself right? My friends and I like to pass girls around.'”
The cat lady.
“She had 22 cats and would just randomly take in strays. Not give them any vet care and was planning on keeping a recent litter. I love cats… I paid the bartender when she went to the bathroom and hyper walked to the door. Forwarded her contact info and a summary of what she told me to the humane society.”
The Bluetooth bozo.
“Great chats online, decided to meet in person.
“He’s got a Bluetooth headset with a little LED light that shows it’s on. He keeps it on during drinks. I work up the nerve to ask if he can take off the headset while we’re eating dinner.
“With pride and complete confidence he says, ‘Don’t worry! You totally have my full attention. This isn’t a phone headset, it’s a camera.'”
The ghoster.
“She told me she was probably going to ghost me and then asked me to buy her a second drink while I was only a couple sips into mine.”
The horoscope haggler.
“First date we are at a Japanese restaurant. She asked me my star sign, I replied ‘Scorpio’. She leaned over the table and slapped me clean & hard across the face. Naturally I was shocked and confused, I mouthed “What…?”, she firmly says “I NEVER date Scorpios”. I went to the bathroom, came back – she had gone, and paid for everything.”
The alley pooper.
“Legitimately when she said she needed to take a wee as we walked down a back alley to the next bar. She pulled her jeans down, [pooped] behind a bin, then searched in the bin and wiped with a sheet of newspaper.”
– u/88meek
