When you’re looking for a place to buy or rent, a lot of online listings leave a lot to be desired with carefully staged pics to hide all of the place’s flaws.
These pics, on the other hand, leave a lot to be desired — but at least they’re honest. And they all come from real estate agents who were just as horrified as the rest of us.
Do you really like echos?
Maybe you like how sound travels in vast enclosed spaces. Maybe you just don’t like your housemates that much. Either way, this basketball court-sized living room is the perfect space for you.
This place is a real sty.
I actually like the arched ceiling quite a bit, but the place seems a little dingy. You’ve got peeling pain, random clutter and weird stuff hanging from the ceiling. It would take a real pig to live here.
Go mattress, go.
This pic actually shows something very rare: water mattresses, confined to the murky depths for eons, have finally evolved the necessary features to climb out of the water and walk on dry land.
You’d better like this pattern.
I know this pattern is supposed to look like an elegant array of leaves and vines, but it looks to me like a clown vomited, but in tasteful blue-green tones rather than garish colors. And it’s everywhere .
The Dali fan.
Ceiling fans are a nice bonus in any room, but they inevitably reach a point where they melt into a surrealist banana peel nightmare and droop towards the floor.
That’s a load-bearing fridge.
Having a deck is always a plus in the summer months, so I get it. But at some point, right in the middle of rigging a fridge up as a load-bearing joint, you’ve gotta ask yourself some questions.
Doorception.
The Winchester House in San Jose, California, is full of random passageways and doorways because of ghostly communications. So either that’s what’s going on here, or there’s an architect who needs to go back to the drawing board.
You always need spare chairs.
If you have spare chairs, it makes total sense to store them in the spare room. If you need a little extra space in the spare room, what do you do? Honestly, hopefully not this.
That tube TV looks out of place.
This room, with its ornate 17th century dollhouse motif, already had a lot going for it. But adding that sweet silver CRT TV from the 90s moved this space to a whole other level.
They call me “The Watcher”.
If you’re the kind of person who’s infamous throughout your neighborhood for watching the world go by from your desolate, post-apocalyptic living room, you literally could not do better than this listing.
Ring around the rosie…
A picture can only say so much. This one gives an idea of the ambience, but it can’t capture the eerie sounds of ghost kids playing that must accompany this basement.
Go back to the 50s.
I like bright colors and all, but this kind of monstrosity belongs either at Graceland or in a 50s diner. This much visual stimulation first thing in the morning is way too much.
Maybe just go for the hardwood.
Hardwood is more popular than carpet these days. So that’s one reason to rip up the carpet here. The other reason, of course, is the fact that a body was apparently just pulled through here.
A+ artwork.
Painting directly on the walls can create a bigger, more vivid impression that regular wall art alone. If you really want to stand out, why not have a mural of Jesus arm-wrestling the devil?
It’s more garden than house.
If you want the walk from your room to the dinner table to feel like an exotic ramble through the ruins of Machu Picchu, this is the dining room for you.
I hope you like TV in the bedroom.
The tacky mirrored walls and chandelier really add to the terrible effect of this entire situation.
RELATED STORIES
Silver lining: at least the lid is down.
I don’t know what it might be hiding, but I do know that if the rest of it was deemed okay, then I don’t want to see inside that toilet.
Drive-by.
In a world with digital photography and near-unlimited storage space, there is no excuse for this being the only or best photo of the house’s exterior.
No one thought to tidy up?
I remember when my family’s condo was up for sale and I wasn’t allowed to pour my own drinks lest I spill a drop and not wipe it up within seconds. It was like living in a museum.
This is the extreme opposite.
A modern and efficient open concept living space!
Even the attempt at decorative trim above the kitchen threshold looks sad. If this is the front room, I’m afraid to see the rest of it.
Sanatorium chic!
The random family portrait just adds to the dinner-at-6-electroshock-at-7 feel to the whole thing.
All this is missing is padded walls.
So close!
This is a beautiful laundry space, so why didn’t the photographer take a moment to remove the weird, armless, naked dolls before snapping the photo?
Convenience!
What do you do when you’ve found your dream space, but the forgetful architect hasn’t included a bathroom? I don’t know — I was honestly asking. But it’s probably best not to do this.
This bathroom has everything.
On the other hand, some bathrooms have endless space. Not only do you have the toilet and an expansive countertop, you’ve also got a bidet — plus the all-important easy chair.
Don’t ask questions. Just turn and walk away.
That’s spilled paint, right? Right?!
A pool and greenspace all in one.
A pessimist might look at this and see a pool that you can’t swim in. But an optimist might see an urban explorer’s paradise. It’s all about perspective.