Everyone has had an encounter with the wonderful database that is WikiHow at some point or another. No matter what it is that you find yourself needing an answer to, WikiHow will be there to provide you with questionable advice alongside weirdly designed diagrams!
Arguably the best thing to come as a result of WikiHow of late, however, is people adding their own meaning to some of the weirder WikiHow images out there!
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“How to torture a room full of introverts.”
I can only assume that this is how they start every morning in Hell. They do this and then they have to go through some wellness exercises followed by a lunch break which consists of only cauliflower cheese…the ultimate pain.
“How to participate in a conference call that should have been an email.”
I like that the actual page that this is from is from “WikiHow to look sleepy.” Why would anyone ever look up “how to look sleepy,” and why would anyone ever make a webpage about it?! The world is a strange place.
“How to give your alarm a taste of its own medicine!”
“Arrrrrgghhh! Beep, beep, beep, beep, you stupid machine! Yeah, how do you like that?”
*Alarm clock noises…
“Well, I see you’re a worthy adversary, but I won’t be beaten that easily let me tell you! Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! I can keep going all day!”
“How to Insult Your Mom’s Cooking.”
I particularly like how the kid asking the question here has a really snide grin on their face as they have asked this question. It really gives the sense that this is an incredibly poisonous atmosphere and that this family truly hate one another.
“How to Appoint Yourself Chairman…”
Seems as though Professor Slughorn really lost the knack of how to turn himself into a chair in his later years! And yes, that is one of the most needlessly specific references that I could possibly have made, but I’d do it again!
“How to Listen to Nickleback.”
This is actually a pretty useful idea. However, it does rely on the notion that there are any people out there who actually still listen to Nickleback of their own volition. I just assumed that their music was now exclusively used for torturing people.
“How to know when you are in a dangerous part of town.”
That is one leery-looking goose! Although, I suppose that all geese are leery in one way or another. There is no more naturally furious an animal than the goose, and the fact that they actually “honk” only makes them more terrifying.
“How to act normal after committing a murder!”
And yes, there really is a page on “how to be sassy.” It is also important to note that the advice is as useless and cringe-worthy as you may imagine. The “advice” is mostly just full of people saying the word “Zing!” to one another.
“How to retrieve unpaid debts from an ostrich.”
I hate it when you lend an ostrich money and then they always leave their wallet in their other feathers when you want them to pay you back! They are also really fast so you can’t even chase them down!
“How to smile through the pain!”
Turning someone down for a date over text is bad enough, but to do it by just putting “no” with a damn exclamation point is rubbing salt in the wound a little. They may as well have just sent the thumbs down emoji.
“WikiHow on how to handle life’s problems.”
In fairness, this is how I “handle” pretty much every single one of my problems. If you just sleep for a while, then you get a few free hours where you are not worrying about the thing that is stressing you out!
“How to gently introduce your friends to meth.”
This was supposedly from a tutorial on good ways to get to know new people. Although, if someone walked up to me and asked me this out of the blue, I cannot say that I would be keen to hang around with them.
“How to sneak healthy snacks into the movie theatre.”
Buying snacks at the cinema is ridiculously expensive, so I can understand why people might want to get creative with sneaking in their own snacks from home. Also, buying fresh produce such as lettuces from the cinema is even more extortionate!
“How to settle for the Noke cause you too broke for the Vovo OR the Semsang.”
Why do you need any of these devices? You can always just communicate with your friends and loved ones through smoke signals? Or just learn semaphore! There’s really no need to resort to getting a “Z phone” or even a “Noke.”
“WikiHow helping with double parachute failure.”
Okay, this one is more of a genuine post, but it was too weird not to include. Also, in case you’re wondering, one person did add, “Skydiver here — the actual procedure for a double malfunction is to never give up and try to get as much inflated fabric above your head as possible.”
“How to inspire your teacher to murder you in cold blood…”
Yes there is a WikiHow on “How to be annoying in school.” If you needed any concrete evidence that humanity is doomed then the existence of that page is it! I dread to think what other wonders are on there.
“How to get rid of wasps according to WikiHow.”
I can see a few problems with this right from the offset, such as the fact that this actually doesn’t really help you with what to do about the wasps which are often found in a wasp’s nest, funnily enough!
“How to make your hostage as comfortable as possible during torture.”
You may have already worked out that this image was actually from a tutorial on how to sleep while sitting upright. Or, you know, you could just find a place where you can be safely horizontal like a normal person?
“How to keep your cat from pooping on the floor…”
Getting a litter-box or two for your cat is a much more hygienic way of dealing with your cat’s droppings, although this method really does add an element of…nope, I cannot think of a single positive even as a joke.
“How to pathetically lift your homemade dumbbell in the gym.”
I do not think that I am really in a position to be critiquing anyone’s gym routine. Although, I think that even I might find lifting two CDs taped to either end of a pen a little bit of an easy workout.
