We always want to do what is best for our children.
At a certain point in a child’s life, they will grow up and begin to make their own choices, both good and bad. This is a natural part of becoming an independent adult, and it is important to allow our children to make those kinds of decisions without interference from those they trust.
When does parental interference cross the line?
Are there certain situations in which parents should intervene in their children’s lives regardless of their age? Is independence more important than safety?
It must be difficult to know when to take a step back.
But these are the kinds of questions that parents often have to navigate as their children get older and begin their own lives.
One father took to Reddit to share his unique parenting journey.
“I’m the dad of a 25 year old young woman who I love very much,” he explains . “I’ve been able to have a good relationship with my daughter and I enjoy my time with her, but there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause.”
“She is a diganosed sociopath.”
He writes that his daughter “exhibited odd, disturbing behavior at a young age” such as cruelty towards her siblings, obsessive lying, and trouble in school.
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“With an enormous amount of therapy & support, her bad behavior was minimized as she grew older.”
“She received an ASPD (Anti-Social Personality Disorder) diagnosis at 18, and I had suspected it for long prior.”
Anti-Social Personality Disorder is estimated to affect 1-2% of the population.
ASPD , also sometimes called socipathy, is characterized by “a person consistently showing no regard for right and wrong, antagonizing, manipulating, or treating others harshly or with callous indifference.”
The most widely known symptom of ASPD is a lack of empathy or remorse for others.
His daughter’s behavior has improved a lot since childhood.
“After her aggressive behavior was tamed, her following years were much more fruitful,” he explains. “She’s law-abiding; has a decent job and a good education; and has many good friendships and admirers.”
She even has a partner whom she plans to marry.
The father writes that his daughter has been with her fiance for about a year and a half, and that he himself has a very good relationship with the guy.
“He’s crazy about her. We live in the same area and spend time together regularly. He is a great guy, very kind, funny and intelligent.”
But he doesn’t think that the relationship will last.
“I doubt she loves him,” he reveals. “We’ve had some very honest, in-depth discussions about her mental health since her diagnosis, and she’s been open with me that she doesn’t feel love or empathy towards anyone, even family…while she enjoys being around her boyfriend and is sexually attracted to him, I highly doubt she feels much of anything towards him love-wise.”
“He has no idea about her diagnosis”
The man’s biggest issue is that his daughter has no plans of telling her fiance about her mental illness.
“I’ve made it clear to her that she needs to tell him the truth before they marry; that he has the right to know and consider it; or I will; to which she always responds, ‘I know you wouldn’t dare.'”
This has put the father in a place where he has to make a very difficult decision.
The father feels as though keeping the secret isn’t fair.
“I really like and respect this young man,” he writes. “I would feel awful keeping this secret from him, and letting him walk into a marriage without this piece of knowledge.”
He says that at some point, her fiance will notice odd aspects of her personality and that the secret is bound to come out.
The internet was divided over the situation.
Some people suggested that though the dynamic is complicated, it would be best for him to stay out of his daughter’s business.
“You’re ethically compromised either way. It’s probably best you stay out of it.”
Other people thought that the daughter’s fiance deserved to know what he was getting into.
“Would you want to marry someone and find out down the line that they aren’t capable of loving you?” one Redditor wrote. “It’s great that she’s attracted to him, but what happens when that goes away?”
Is it his secret to tell?
This is one of those “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situations. Either way, somebody is going to get hurt, whether it be right now or at some point down the line.
Just because his daughter is mentally ill doesn’t mean that she doesn’t deserve a normal life. But if she is incapable of loving someone who loves her, it is really fair?
It really is an impossible decision to make.
h/t: Reddit