Dakota Johnson doesn’t play around when it comes to her besties.
When one of her close friends went through a rough breakup, Dakota did something pretty wild. She actually sent the ex a gallon of gorilla poop.
“You can order any kind, any size,” she casually revealed.
Doesn’t look like she’s joking.
Yes, Dakota actually mailed gorilla poop
During a Vanity Fair lie detector test on June 5, Dakota admitted it straight up.
“Yes, I did do that,” she said. “It’s been quite a while. It’s been some years … You can order any kind, any size.”
No hesitation, just vibes and vengeance. Turns out Poop Senders offer a whole menu for you to personalize your revenge story.
Cow dung, elephant crap, gorilla poop, combo pack… they’ve got everything.
She’s the type to cover for her bestie
While hooked up to the lie detector, Dakota didn’t hold back.
She said she’d lie to the cops if it meant protecting her best friend, Riley Keough.
Oh, and she also knows where to buy pubic crabs online. “But don’t worry,” she added, “she hasn’t ordered them. Yet.”
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Her tooth gap was a hot topic during lie detection
A few years ago, Dakota had said in an interview that she’d never fix the little gap in her front teeth.
But then, in 2017, the gap disappeared.
Fans noticed. People asked. And she’s still explaining it.
Turns out the gap just closed on its own
When they brought it up during the test, she laughed and told her side.
“No, it closed on its own,” she said. “I had one of those wires since I was a little kid and then I took it off because I wasn’t a little kid anymore and then it closed.”
Even the machine was confused by her answer
The lie detector didn’t really know what to make of it. It gave an inconclusive result.
Dakota just laughed and said, “The machine doesn’t know what to do.”
Dakota rarely talked about her thing with Chris Martin
She dated Chris Martin for almost eight years on-and-off.
But through all those years, she barely spoke about their relationship.
Back in 2018, she told Tatler, “I’m not going to talk about it, but I am very happy.”
But she did let a few little details slip
She wasn’t totally silent about it, though.
In a 2021 chat with Elle UK, she gave a tiny peek behind the curtain.
“We’ve been together for quite a while,” she said. “We go out sometimes, but we both work so much that it’s nice to be at home and be cozy and private. Most of the partying takes place inside my house.”
That’s probably the most Dakota thing ever. Cozy, quiet, and very much on her own terms.
Looks like she just confirmed their breakup
After years of on-and-off romance, it looks like Dakota and Chris Martin have finally called it quits.
A source told People this time feels different, saying, “It feels final.” The couple had been together since 2017, and breakup rumors had popped up more than once over the years.
Now, Dakota’s recent comments kind of sealed it. During her June 9 appearance on The Today Show, she casually talked about her dating non-negotiables, hinting she might be single again and open to something new.