There are lots of reasons for people to want to have kids. But, conversely, there are also plenty of reasons for a person to not want to have kids . Either way, it’s a highly personal decision for the prospective parents.
But today, we want to focus on the latter category. Redditors who don’t want kids explained themselves in a fascinating r/AskReddit thread .
We live in a scary world.
“Having a kid now in this economy (US) and backward sliding we’re doing. I rather not bring a child into this chaos. Rising housing costs to the point rent is more than mortgages and not to mention on top of that we’ve got rampant global warming and wars after wars. I love them enough to not bring them into this world to deal with the fallout of our issues and our own stupidity. Not being born is the gift I’ll give them.”
Break that cycle!
“I really, really don’t want to be a parent and I feel like that should at the very least be a prerequisite to having them. My grandmother didn’t seem to enjoy parenthood, my mom certainly didn’t. They did it because they were ‘supposed to.’ I’m breaking the cycle.”
When you look for a reason and it isn’t there.
“One time I was genuinely baffled that there could be a single reason to have kids. So one day I googled it, the first article was like ‘10 reasons to have kids’ and the first one was getting pram priority parking at supermarkets. Really grasping at straws here!!!”
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Sometimes parents tell you how it really is.
“The vast majority of parents I meet complain subtley about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, no free time etc.
Then, they usually realise they can’t be seen to complain about having children and finish their complaints by saying ‘But it’s the best thing I ever did.’ This part always feels like the least genuine bit and everything before feels like the truth.”
It kind of seems like a hassle.
“Things are getting better for me and my spouse, but having a baby and needing to take off months of work (we don’t have family local to us and daycare is far too expensive) would set us back horribly. Maybe when we’re ready we’ll look at fostering older kids instead, there are plenty who need loving families if we get to a spot where we can be one.”
Selfish is as selfish does.
“Money and responsibility are the top two for me. My career and my partner’s would be able to afford having a child but then we’d most likely not get to travel and such anytime (at least not for a while). Plus I have a crippling PC gaming hobby/addiction and I fear I’d end up spending baby necessity money on a new GPU or something. Maybe that’s called selfishness but I’ll admit to it at least.”
The heart doesn’t want what the heart doesn’t want.
“I find myself trying to justify my decision and having people trying to contradict everything I say. But at the end of the day, I’ve come to realize that the only reason that I really need is ‘I just don’t want to.’ Deeply, in the very core of my being, I profoundly and powerfully do NOT want to have a child.”
Sometimes, you need to take care of yourself first.
“I’ve been clinically depressed for almost a decade. Post partum depression is one of the things that terrifies me about the prospect of having kids. Also I am in no way mentally stable enough to be a parent.”
Nine months of this…
“I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy, but I thought I’d feel more comfortable with it as I got older.
Nope. I’m 34 and the thought of being pregnant still freaks me out to no end. I’d love to adopt, but I don’t think I ever want to be pregnant.”
Sometimes, the only way to feel is ‘meh.’
“The fact that nothing really makes me WANT to have them. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent – I don’t, so why would I have a kid?”
Been there, done that.
“I’ve been dealing with a mentally disabled older brother for nearly all my life. He’s 32 yrs old, but acts like a 7 yr old nearly ALL the time. I love him to death, but after so long of dealing with him growing up (I’m 22), I just do not have the patience to handle something like that again.”
Can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.
“It’s irreversible, you can’t unhave kids when you’ve committed to it, so when you have all those doubts and fears you might not be a good parent, it’s hard to take the plunge.
Plus I’d have to find someone to have a kid with and make more money for it to be viable but I think they’re secondary to actually wanting to go through with it.”
Seems farfetched, but sure.
“In the past year I’ve heard at least two stories of ~14 year old boys violently murdering little girls, and I’m sure the parents didn’t envision that for the kid when they were babies. Another fear is my kid being on the victim end of that scenario.”
What if your kids are awful?
“Those kids who have parents that are perfectly normal but still somehow act like mini serial killers.”
“Yeah. Nature vs nurture: as the parent of 2 kids and sibling of 6, it’s clear to me personalities are simply a dice roll.”
Sheer randomness.
“I come from a family or 7 and the sheer randomness of how we turned out convinced me that there’s only so much you can do as a parent that drives how your child turns out.
Unless there is a clear approach that guarantees a successful well rounded child, its not something I’m open to risking. I don’t gamble.”
The world doesn’t seem to be getting better.
“I can barely take care of myself sometimes it feels like, can’t possibly take on another human. More selfishly there’s still a lot of things I want to do that I couldn’t if I had a kid. Lastly, just a pessimistic view of the world and the desire to not want to bring new life into that.”
– u/gnophy
I can only take care of one human being.
“The idea of being responsible for a human being isn’t for me.”
“100%. The whole process is just crazy and then after all that trauma you aren’t allowed to sleep for months.”
When you’ve already had a sneak peek.
“My neighbor has 7 of them. The only form of communication in that house is screaming. The teenage boy just screamed in the middle of my typing this. Kid is absolute [trash] at whatever game he’s trying to play. My work meetings are constantly interrupted by his whiny cursing/crying sessions.”
It isn’t like kids make things any cheaper.
“After rent, food, and insurance I only come away with 200$ a month profit. Which is usually eaten up by a single doctor visit or necessary car part. And I live with two room mates.”
Same, honestly.
“I can barely take care of myself.”
“Seriously. I don’t openly judge people, but of course it’s difficult not to, even if it’s subconsciously, but I have seen too many people that intentionally have kids even though they barely seem to be able to take care of themselves.”
