No two marriages are going to be the same . That means that any advice given, well-intentioned as it might be , isn’t necessarily going to be applicable for a given couple.
At the same time, that doesn’t mean that advice can never be helpful for a newly married cour21ple. A Reddit thread asked for marriage advice — specifically random, weird marriage advice — that actually worked for them.
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If you’ve got the money and the space, go for a king.
“My father always said that the best thing he and my mother got for their marriage was a king sized mattress over a queen size. I always thought that was ridiculous until this last month my wife and I needed a new bed. As fate would have it we found a great deal on a king sized, and spent the extra money. I’ll be damned if that wasn’t one of the best decisions we made aside from getting married, and having kids.”
Eat some lunch, squash some beef.
“We implemented something called lunch break. my husband and I almost never argue. we can almost always squash things before it turns to an argument but we are human. When we find ourselves just disagreeing and not communicating, we take a lunch break. we eat, and talk about whatever else is on our mind or watch an episode of our show. then after an hour, we bring up what we discussed and again, 10/10, we were back on track and it diffused immediately.”
Get that sleep.
“My husband snores really loud. I started sleeping separately and we have a much better relationship now. Probably because I’m not constantly sleep deprived. We both fought it so hard for so long because there is this idea that only unhappy couples sleep apart from each other. The truth is, you’ve got to do what works for the both of you and not worry about preconceived notions about intimacy, etc.”
If they care more, let them have it.
“Whoever cares the most gets to choose (within reason obviously). Maybe you don’t care which restaurant you eat at tonight, so you let her choose. But maybe when your parents come to visit, you care a lot about where you take them. Then you choose.”
Don’t use that tone with your partner.
“There are certain words, certain tone of voice, etc. that you can use on your children, a friend, a subordinate or even your boss, but which you just shouldn’t use on your spouse.”
Make sure your values are compatible.
“If you don’t agree on religion, then walk away.
If your atheist don’t marry a heavily religious person. You’ll get sick of hearing ‘it’s God will’ or ‘He (God) has a plan for you.’
The reverse you don’t want your spouse to be invalidating or questioning or attacking your beliefs.”
Life is like a box of chocolates, and love is like a cup of coffee.
“Grandma said ‘love is like coffee. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it’s sweet, sometimes it’s bitter. No matter how you like it, it is good. But it’s only great when you get it the way you like it. Make sure you get what you want.'”
There’s no scoreboard.
“My mom told me once (still can’t decide if this is good or bad- I think just realistic, which helped me!): ‘if you’re expecting 50/50 all the time you’re going to be disappointed a lot. Sometimes it’s 60/40, sometimes it’s 70/30, sometimes it’s 90/10. You’ll have times where he’s doing it all, and he’ll have times where you’re doing it all.’ I think what she meant was basically ‘marriage is (hopefully) long. Don’t keep score.'”
Be grateful.
“Say thank you for day to day things, even taking out the trash, sweeping the floor, or folding laundry. Audibly hearing thank you reinforces the feeling of being appreciated.”
“After 35 years, husband and I still do this. It’s nice to have your efforts appreciated.”
You’re weathering the same storm.
“After having a baby you will fight and argue a lot. You will both be exhausted from lack of sleep, and that causes high emotions. It won’t last. Be aware it’s coming. Do the best you can to work together.”
They are who they are.
“Let them be the person you love. I have to remind myself of this. I love and trust who he is, so why am I trying to make him more like me sometimes? He’ll learn and grow and so will I. I have to trust that he can do that without my pushing or prodding.”
Be your own people.
“Find someone who is ok with you both having separate hobbies. My wife does her thing and I have my hobby. We share some hobbies, but we are ok with spending time apart too. We don’t have to always do them together. I couldn’t imagine marrying a woman who needed to do every single thing I did just to be around me. She needs to have her own life and I love not forcing her into the nerdy stuff I enjoy.”
Don’t air your dirty laundry.
“Moma said ‘don’t come whining to me about your wife, go talk to her’….and don’t spend your time complaining to ANY one about your SO. If you need advice, ask, but no talking down about your SO, chances are they have a long list of complaints too.”
Sobering but true.
“Always act like it’s the last time you’ll see them. Cause it might be. My mother passed last year at 45 from her second bout with cancer. Middle of the night, my dad said he’s glad he stayed up later to spend a few more minutes with her. To tell her he loved her. You never know when you’ll never see them again.”
Lower those expectations (in some ways).
“Don’t have too high of expectations. My dad told us that, but we found most of our early fights were when one or the other had unspoken expectations of the other or marriage. It is positively life changing to be married, and an amazing experience, but still life goes on.”
Sort it out before you tie the knot.
“Any problems you have in your dating relationship will be magnified by marriage. Bad with money? Now there’s two of you. Worried about infidelity? Marriage is just going to legally bind you to that person. Now you’re getting cheated on and they’re going to take half your stuff to get rid of them.”
That prestigious first diaper.
“When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. ‘If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy.’ So I did. I didn’t know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor.
The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful.”
This one isn’t really about the dishes.
“My grandfather told me ‘Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.’ What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking.”
– u/t480
Enjoy the boring times.
“The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing.”
Instructions unclear, went to work naked.
“At my wedding my wife’s Grandmother offered some funny, weird, solid advice. She said, ‘If you get angery with each other, go to bed naked and see if you can resolve it before you go to sleep.’ So far, so good. Anniversary on Monday!”
