Shared finances can be fraught territory. It’s unlikely that both partners make the same amount of money and share the same financial goals, but there will inevitably be big purchases, shared accounts and no shortage of disagreement.
A Redditor recently shared her story of mortgage drama between her and her boyfriend.
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“Am I the [jerk] for refusing to pay half of my boyfriend’s mortgage?”
This is the question asked in OP’s post . It’s a straightforward question, but the actual story is full of nuance, so let’s jump right in. For background, OP is 22, her boyfriend is 29, and they’ve just moved in together after dating for the past year and a half.
Her boyfriend just bought a house.
“Before moving in together, we thought it’d be best to discuss finances,” explains OP. “He’s a doctor and I’m a social media manager.”
They had the discussion and that’s where the troubled started. “His shock was understandable to me — I make 150% of his salary,” OP wrote.
“I told him that it’s just because I work for a client in a country where the currency is nearly 20 times stronger,” she explains. “If I had this same job in our country, I would only make a quarter of what he does.”
“He said that’s great, because now I can pay half of his mortgage.”
Needless to say, OP was taken aback by this comment.
“I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t going to contribute to the household at all,” she says. “I would’ve been happy to buy groceries, pay utilities and cook and clean.”
Long story short, she’s willing to contribute, not not willing to pay half of his mortgage. It’s also important to point out that she’s still paying rent at her apartment.
OP tried to compromise.
She still isn’t willing to split the mortgage, but she did offer to decorate the entire sparsely-furnished house on her own dime. This includes big purchases like couches, a bed and a TV.
It seems that they’re at a bit of a standoff at this point. He still thinks she should pay half the mortgage, and she isn’t willing to.
Reddit weighed in.
Long story short, virtually everyone agreed that OP wasn’t being a jerk. In fact, after a few days, the subreddit awarded a “not the [jerk]” badge to her post, indicating that the Reddit jury had made its final decision. But delving into the individual answers is interesting.
Some thought she was unreasonable.
“Anywhere you rent, you’re going to be paying someone else’s mortgage,” one commenter said . “If you move in with your boyfriend, you should be paying market rent for that area. Your boyfriend will technically be your landlord.”
Is there a better compromise?
One commenter suggested drawing up a contract and getting a notary or lawyer to make it official. The contract would say that OP can help pay down the mortgage, but if they break up, her boyfriend has to buy her out for everything that she contributed.
OP liked this so much that she said she’d heed the advice.
“Please continue to live on your own terms.”
Another commenter pointed out that OP’s boyfriend isn’t interested in figuring out what a fair share of the mortgage would be.
“He just wants to cash in,” they concluded. “He sounds entitled.”
Is there any blame here?
It’s possible that neither party is being a jerk.
“It’s reasonable that a person would want to split living expenses in half,” said one commenter. “However, usually BOTH people get to pick the place they choose to live in to make sure it’s on budget for both of them. Maybe offer to pay the same amount to him that you’re paying in rent now.”
How would you handle this?
This is a big dilemma for any couple to face when they’re just 18 months into their relationship. Let us know what you think of this situation, and tell us how you’d handle it, in the comments!
