Many siblings have different relationships with their parents. Some are closer to their mom, while others are closer to their dad. Sometimes, some siblings feel as though they are closer to one parent than their other siblings are . And, then there are those who stand in the way of having their siblings have any sense of a real relationship at all with their parents .
One daughter recently opened up about her brother and mother’s relationship.
On the Mumsnet forum , one daughter opened up about her brother and how he is “standing in the way” of her having a normal relationship with her own mother. She shared that her brother is “always” competing with her for her mother’s attention and “favor.” She also said that after their parents separated, her brother has become her mother’s fake husband.
Her brother still lives at home with their mom.
The two pretty much operate on a schedule together.
“They set their alarm clocks to wake up at the same time as each other, if one of them has to get up earlier for work, the other one will set their alarm accordingly. They spend hours talking every morning, drive off to work together, drive back home together and then spend 1-2 more hours talking about their day,” the daughter shared .
They also are always in agreement with each other.
The daughter said that they even team up and pick on people together. They’re always having the same opinions and mocking and getting on the same people, too. She said she even has anxiety talking to them because she knows they’ll team up against her.
Even as a teenager, he would get on her for things he went through with her mother.
“Any kind of argument I had with her as a teenager (just normal arguments teenage girls have with their mums), he’d aggressively square up to me, shouting in my face, calling me every name under the sun,” she wrote.
She said she truly wouldn’t care about their weird relationship had it not interfered with the relationship she has with her own mother.
“I can’t speak to her on her own, she’s always with him. He makes it a them vs me situation all the time, and gets confrontational and competitive with me. I have to walk on eggshells and watch what I say,” she added.
She said that when she told them that the relationship the two of them have is weird, they claimed that she was the weird one.
“I lived with them and their behavior for so long and whenever I tried to bring it up they made out that I was the weird one. But surely it’s not just me that thinks this is completely [expletive] abnormal,” she said.
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Many people agreed that this is definitely not normal.
“I’m getting vibes that he’s aggressive and maybe frightens her, so she’s nice to keep the peace, and it’s turned into this creepy codependence. Your brother is extra creepy for not wanting a life of his own,” one person commented.
Others said it’s not fair to the daughter that she can’t get close to her own mother.
“As you say – the closeness itself, while weird, wouldn’t be a problem for you if it didn’t impact on your own relationship with your mum, but it clearly does and that’s why it’s a problem. It’s really strange for you not to be able to talk to her without your brother being there,” another added.
Some say that it’s the mom’s fault, too.
“Your mum failed both of you as a parent. As a child/teenager she could have put a stop to the aggression and verbal abuse towards you. Instead she chose to reward that behaviour and the competitiveness too. Maybe she likes it. Makes her feel important or something? Narcissistic tendencies? Sounds like the golden child/scapegoat dynamic,” someone claimed.
Some individuals feel like this is going to end up in a “no contact” situation.
Some users shared that many people in these kinds of toxic scenarios end up going “no contact” with family members because of unhealthy behaviors and relationships that they do not want to deal with.
However, there were also those who said it’s not totally abnormal.
“I don’t think their situation is particularly ‘abnormal’ by any means. It’s not the standard behaviour but a lot of adult children stay at home with their parent(s) and provide mutual support,” shared another person.
It’s a tricky one!
