Children are a gift : the kind you wish you could return to Amazon. Sure, they’re loving and fulfilling and blah, blah, blah, but you’re lying to yourself if you can’t admit that at times — they drive you crazy.
Being a parent is a constant struggle and a neverending battlefield. Sometimes, we come out on top as the victors. But more often than not, it’s our children who wind up getting the better of us.
If you didn’t see it then it didn’t happen.
Hey, just be lucky that your son has enough respect for you to ask you to look the other way. Most kids that I know will look you dead in the eye as they upend their chocolate milk all over the living room rug.
Why did you have to wait until the last possible minute?
If only you’re kid could communicate these kinds of things in a timely manner. Not only would it be more beneficial for them in the long run, but it saves you from looking like a deadbeat unattentive parent.
The game is afoot!
“My daughter is 1 and occasionally wakes at 4/5am spewing a random combination of words she’s learned — “Outside…socks…up…down…shoes”. I wonder at times if she’s just processing her escape plan.” – Twitter @cindybburgos
He’s got ya there, Papa Bear.
One of the greatest parenting quotes I’ve ever heard came to me courtesy of Homer Simpson, who so eloquently said that “The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back .” Truer words have never been spoken.
Pobody’s nerfect.
I don’t know how to speak sandwich myself, but boy am I down to start learning! On a serious note, clearly, this mom’s little girl knows what she’s talking about — she’s just otherwise preoccupied with more important matters.
They really do say the darndest things.
“You wanna be humbled? Have kids. My 2 year old roasts tf out of me every day unprovoked. Today she looked at me and said “mama look like a clown” cause I had a polka dot shirt on. Immediately had to change shirts. I hate it here.” – Twitter @kyliewallendorf
Caught red-handed.
The shock of seeing the event itself would be enough to send any parent into a rage. But what’s really going to cook your noodle later is when you start to think about how many times they’ve scrubbed the bowl with your toothbrush and you didn’t see it…
Is it too late to put you up for adoption?
Seriously, you couldn’t stop at calling your mother a beast? Did you really have to go in for the kill and call her a fat sea witch on top of everything else? Nobody should be expected to withstand that kind of blatant emotional abuse.
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He gets his intelligence from his father.
“Watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link[sic] fence[sic] at[sic] least we don’t have to save for college.” – Twitter @iwearaonesie
They teach us as much as we teach them.
Kids are like MacGyver when it comes to destroying things. Give them an apple, a shoestring, a piece of partly-chewed bubble gum, and in return — they’ll create for you a homemade explosive device. The likes of which the world has never seen before.
Something’s not right, here.
My dad always used to say that it wasn’t the moments that the house was filled with noise and screams that made him upset or nervous. But rather, it was when an eerie unprovoked silence fell over the room that he knew we were really up to no good.
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
“I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, ‘I’m NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I’ve been whispering. Now I’m free!’.” – Twitter @JennyPentland
This is how horror movies begin.
Somebody had better call James Waan because I sense that we may just have the inspiration for his next chapter in The Conjuring universe. If it were me, I’d be way too afraid to go over and investigate.
Weren’t you listening?
Don’t you love it when your kid eats up five minutes spewing out an absolute nothing-burger of a story? What am I supposed to do with this information, kiddo? I’m right here living it with you.
Hush, little baby. Don’t say a word.
“How bad is my singing voice? Once when I tried to sing a lullaby to my then toddler[sic] daughter – she looked up at me with her loving eyes – and said sweetly: ‘No sing daddy… no sing’.” – Twitter @popartcartoonz
