Household chores are no one’s favorite task. You may have a favorite among them, but the act of cleaning or tidying is not very fun or enjoyable for most people. Despite our dislike of them, though, we must do them regardless.
Some out there are trying to challenge this, employing tactics to make sure they never have to do chore again, and thus leaving their partners to do all of the work.
If you’ve been online anywhere within the last decade, you might have heard the term ‘weaponized incompetence’.
It’s a basic concept in which one party tries to get out of a task they don’t want to do by simply pretending to be bad at it, meaning they won’t get asked to do it again.
Though it can be practiced in any relationship, it’s often seen in married couples, with the husband utilizing weaponized incompetence to get out of chores asked of him by his wife.
It’s had a major resurgence recently, especially on TikTok.
A great number of videos are being made by wives showing off their husbands’ negligence in the home. Their videos are receiving comments and duets telling them that this is weaponized incompetence, encouraging them to not accept that type of behavior.
Weaponized incompetence often leaves the other party, in this case the wives, feeling overburdened and burnt out by all they’re expected to do.
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As seen in videos being uploaded by the wives affected.
User @realskyes_notsobright made a video showing off how disorganized her house becomes if she stops cleaning because her husband does it poorly on purpose.
She details in the comments how she’s also taking care of a newborn, so her being expected to do that and keep on top of every single mess her other children make with no assistance from her husband is wildly unfair.
Another video showed a potentially dangerous situation.
Originally uploaded by @kcrowe86 , the on-screen text reads, “Husband said he would watch the baby while I shower.” The camera then shows the baby, awake and smiling, and the husband who’d fallen asleep beside him.
Many in the comments were quick to point out how much worse this could have ended had the husband, say, rolled over on top of the child.
This video received a rather popular duet that laid it all out well.
Cindy Noir, or @ebonie_qt, had a lot to say about that video and the concept of weaponized incompetence.
“The thing that bothers me the most about weaponized incompetence is not necessarily how it impacts the partner or spouse. Because, while how it impacts the partner or spouse does suck, what I can’t help but think about is how does weaponized incompetence the children and the overall family dynamic,” she says.
She goes on to explain how it can warp a child’s perception of relationship dynamics.
“Because weaponized incompetence shows kids that even though there’s two parents in the home, only one is trustworthy and reliable. And it shows kids what all kids have to do to get out of what they don’t want to do, as well as what they should allow and do in their future relationships.”
So, what is there to do in the face of rampant weaponized incompetence?
In another duet, @thatdarnchat responds to a woman wishing she could sleep in, take long showers, and take longer to get ready, with, “Do it.”
“Do it! Match his energy. If your partner, the person who also parents your kids or lives in the house with you is doing a [expletive] job of parenting or living in the house, just do a [expletive] job back,” she says.
She elaborates further on her idea, passionately so.
“Make sure that you have been clear that you have expectations of partnership in the house but also just take your time. […] Stop doing [expletive] that they’re not doing for you. Match their energy.
“Take a 45-minute [expletive]. Start expecting a thank you for every little thing. Match his energy! If he thinks that’s good behavior, then it’s good behavior from you too. Do it!”
The rising awareness regarding weaponized incompetence really is a good thing.
It means more women will realize they’re not being treated fairly in their relationships. No one deserves to be burdened with every single household task on top of their regular jobs and almost all of the child care.
Not only that, but this shift will ensure that children know what a fair and equitable relationship looks like. It’s healthier for all involved!