Where is the line when it comes to caring for your partner or spouse versus parenting them? How much support is too much, when it is not out of love but necessity? The boundaries can differ depending on the relationship , but for some, they’re tough to navigate.
Especially when you have others hounding you saying you’re not doing enough.
One Reddit user made a post explaining how her mother and her husband’s mother believe she’s not being a good enough wife, and how far from true that is.
We all want to care for our partners.
It’s a natural instinct that comes with loving someone. We want to provide for them in the ways that we’re able, showing our devotion through words and actions.
However, sometimes the care shown in a relationship feels very one-sided, and ‘loving’ turns into ‘babysitting’.
That’s what happened to one Reddit user who was looking for insight regarding her husband.
It wasn’t just about him, though, as both his mother and the user’s own mother got involved.
It starts with her explaining that her husband has always been kind of a “momma’s boy.” He only learned how to cook and do household chores through the author of the post.
So, things have improved on that front, but there are still some significant challenges.
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Currently, the relationship is under some strain.
And it’s particularly tough for the poster, she explains. She’s pregnant, works a labor-intensive job for 12 hours a day while her husband works at home, and recently her mother-in-law has started calling her a “bad wife.”
Not only has her mother-in-law been saying this, but so has her own mother.
“Now, my MIL and my mom call me a bad wife for not caring for my husband properly. They claim [it’s] my job to do the cooking and cleaning. […] [My mom] says I’m not a proper housewife,” she writes.
“My husband complained to my mom today that I’m too lazy.”
“That I haven’t cooked a proper meal in a week and I only cook easy quick meals. I’m working a 12 hour job while pregnant and he’s working from home…I’m away 14 hours a day overworking myself while he does nothing to help around the house and the few times he does help he rubs it on my face while calling me lazy and complaining to my mom and his mom.”
This expanded beyond just their home life, with her mom and mother-in-law calling her at work.
“While I was at work today my MIL called me and complained about how […] she’d never let him marry me if she knew how [expletive] I am as a wife. I told her her son is a grown man who’s fully capable of taking care of himself, […].
“My mom called me few minutes later to also complain and I told her I’m not my husbands babysitter I’m his wife […].”
When she confided in a friend, she didn’t find the sympathetic ear she’d hoped for, either.
That friend also agreed with the mothers and said the poster knew what she was getting into when she married the guy, leading the author to doubt if she was in the right.
The only person who seemed to be in her corner was her sister, who called their mom in hopes of setting things right, to no avail. “She said that if I keep screwing up she won’t support me and I’ll end up alone so I better watch my steps,” she wrote.
The comments were immediately furious, reassuring her that she’s justified in being angry and everyone involved is being absurd.
“[…] it’s not the 1950’s and if he’s really ‘starving’ he’s perfectly capable of getting up off his lazy ass and cooking! His behaviour and laziness is quite disgraceful really and I’m sorry that you’re married to somebody and have a family with such misogynistic views,” wrote one commenter.
To which another added, “Not only is it not the 1950s she is not a ‘housewife’ she is a working woman who contributes to the household finances.”
The author did edit the post to say this behavior didn’t surface until after they were married, but people were still on her side.
One reply laid it all out pretty well. “[…] women don’t have to do everything. And caring for your husband? Caring for your partner is to be there to support them – I can’t help if MIL did a [****] job in raising her son if she has to wipe his butt at age 30+. Please consider going into no contact until they respect you as a human […].”
What do you think? Let us know in the comments!
