For many people, St. Patrick’s Day marks the unofficial start of Spring. It’s a time for rejoicing, for getting jacked on green beers, and for belting out Irish drinking songs at the top of your lungs.
That is, however, unless you happen to be a parent with young kids running around the house. So if you fall into that category this year, here is a collection of tweets that perfectly sums up what St. Patrick’s Day is like for parents.
Pinterest has a way of distorting reality.
Kids are impossible to please these days. I for one think that this is a fine-looking penis — whoops! I mean shamrock. Hmm… now that I give it a second look, maybe they’re onto something?
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You’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore.
I personally think that an afternoon spent drinking milk and watching Finding Nemo is a day well-spent. In my experience, milk and cookies are much easier to get out of clothing as opposed to beer and vomit.
You know, it’s one of those “Circle Of Life” kind of moments.
“I used to spend St. Patrick’s Day emptying as many bottles as possible. Tonight I’m doing everything possible to get my baby to empty one.” – Twitter @DadandBuried
He’s a witty wee fella.
This little guy is playing 3D chess. Use your cuteness to your advantage while you can little one because there’s most definitely an expiration date when it comes to asking strangers to pinch you. When you’re an adult, it just comes off as creepy.
If I had the choice, I never would’ve stopped eating Lucky Charms for breakfast.
“As a special treat for St. Patrick’s Day, my kids will get to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast.
Just kidding. They eat them every morning.” – Twitter @babyrabies
The shirt doesn’t lie.
Look at that face! I’m not normally one to gush over babies, but this little guy’s smile could melt even the coldest stoic’s heart. I could never get away with wearing a shirt like that.
It must be that green beer…
I always say that it’s better to be safe than sorry, and judging from past history — it seems as if green beer and Irish-themed festivities tend to bring out this Twitter user’s randy side.
The only thing worse than no-decision is indecision.
Why is it that kids always seem to want to go against the grain? I mean, come on — you want to wear every color of the rainbow except the one that denotes the international holiday? Are you trying to be a contrarian?
It’s funny how that works…
Take that, Pinterest users — you’ve just been roasted! In all seriousness, I’m all for putting green bows in your baby’s hair. Sure, it might seem a little basic or cliché, but dammit that’s the whole point of having children!
You can always tell which of the early-year teachers have children and which ones don’t.
“Dear Preschool: Thanks for giving my kid that sugary St Patrick’s Day cupcake. The evening of sugar-fueled tantrums has been fun. #sarcasm” – Twitter @UnfilteredMama
Do people actually do this?
I’m just saying that if I was somehow dedicated to physically fighting my entire family, I’d take it to the backyard. More privacy that way, and a heck of a lot less to have to explain to the neighbors (or the police).
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I get it: it’s not easy to get kids up and moving in the morning. Still, why would you waste an entire Shamrock Shake on them? Those things only come around once a year!
Don’t kids get enough presents as is?
On Easter, a giant bunny brings them chocolate. At Christmas time, Santa brings children gifts simply for being “good.” Heck, they even get cold hard cash simply for losing their teeth! Enough is enough, already.
Having children means never having to think of an excuse to drink, ever again.
If you’re looking for an excuse to drink, come and spend the afternoon with my niece. I promise you that after an hour or so, you’ll have all the ammunition you need for the remainder of the year.
Sure it’s sad, but it doesn’t make it any less true.
“When you’re a parent, EVERY DAY might as well be St. Patrick’s Day: You’re gonna be groped by someone who seems drunk regardless of the date.” – Twitter @DadandBuried
