When you’re young, you tend to think of 30-year-olds as being “adults.” They’re mature, professional, and have all the answers to anything you could ever possibly need to know.
Then, when you turn 30, you realize that’s a complete crock of shit, and most days you still have trouble remembering where you put your car keys. For those who hear me all too well, check out these tweets about being in your 30s that are totally relatable .
I’m still fun, in a boring sort of way.
To be honest, marriage is pretty much the exact same thing. Only after enough time goes by, you’ll eventually wind up forgetting that you’ve heard the same old story before, time and time again.
I like to call it “Old Righty.”
There’s just something about the top right burner that makes it stand out above the rest. I can’t explain it, and maybe I’ll never know the reason why, but to be quite honest — I don’t care.
Somebody come and save us because we’re screwed.
“Man[sic] you really think your teachers are pure & innocent growing up until you’re[sic] an adult and all your wild friends are now employed teaching the youth of America[sic].” – Twitter @BriansJokes
It’s all one big lie.
When you’re a grown-up, you’re still told what to do, where to be, and what to think. Only instead of your parents being the ones in the driver’s seat, now it’s fallen upon your partner to fill that void.
You need to remember to stretch.
Boy does this one ever ring true. Just last week, I accidentally sneezed as I was getting up off the couch, and I threw my back out to the point where I couldn’t walk for three days.
You’re telling me.
When I was a kid, I thought I’d grow up to be an archaeologist like Dr. Alan Grant in Jurassic Park . When I found out, however, that dinosaurs were still very much extinct — my whole world shattered.
The art of the “Irish Goodbye.”
For the record, an “Irish Goodbye” is when you make your departure known to absolutely no one. I used to do it all the time when I was still going out to bars so that I could ensure I’d be the first one in line at Sammy Souvlaki .
The math adds up.
In case you were wondering, let me happily inform you that there is no such thing as “too late” or “too early.” After all, it was Einstein who famously posited that time is relative — and it was Jimmy Buffet who proclaimed ” It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere .”
I’m just counting the seconds until 11 PM.
I mean, “all the sex” is a little self-aggrandizing. That being said, I do love nothing more than my nighttime sleep routine and woe be to anyone who interrupts my process.
There’s no such thing as good news when it arrives by courier.
“I remember the way I used to get excited whenever I received a letter addressed to me when I was younger but every time I receive one now I think “[expletive] what now”[sic]” – Twitter @lolzysz
That really does sound like a nice treat.
I feel like you truly become an adult once you catch yourself saying some old chestnut from your parents’ vernacular that you swore to yourself you’d never utter under any circumstances whatsoever.
I should have mentioned that my wine glasses hold 1 liter of wine…
I used to catch flack for drinking “too many glasses of wine.” So I came up with a solution! Now I only ever have one glass of wine — the fact that it happens to hold an entire bottle is inconsequential.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
How did I never think to organize my shirts by softness!? Here I’ve been just wearing clothes as I stack them in my closet like an idiot. That’s pure genius right there.
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Even then, there’s a 50/50 chance that someone will bail.
The days when you used to just go over to a friend’s house after school are long since dead. These days, I have to write my hangouts on the calendar; in my planner. I have to ask for permission, and even then there’s no guarantee.
I’ve been burned enough times to know that this is never a good idea.
“Being spontaneous in your late thirties sometimes means going to a different grocery store than your usual chain and immediately regretting it.” – Twitter @Reverie_Reality
