Life with kids can be a handful, but at least it’s never boring. Every day, it seems like these wide-eyed wonders come up with some new and unique way to make their parents laugh uncontrollably.
Recently, while perusing Reddit , I came across a thread titled “Things My Kids Said.” Below is a collection of some of the best ones, and it’s exactly the kind of content parents need right now.
“My daughter named her favorite stuffed animal ‘Loaf of Bread.'” – Reddit u/JEBariffic
Next, you’re going to tell me that her two favorite dolls are named Wine and Cheese. I suppose there are worse names for a stuffed animal.
This is why you should always clear your search history.
Call me crazy but I’m fairly certain that your 3-year-old son has somehow managed to tap into your Amazon search history. They also may or may not be aware of the fact that you have a vibrator for every color of the rainbow.
Kids are masters at exploiting your deepest insecurities.
This poor kid’s father has probably gone his whole life hearing all about how large his nose is. Now, it would appear as if the bullying is hitting incredibly close to home.
Thanks for the reminder, kid.
Listen, I’m well aware of the fact that I’m going to have to work to support your freeloading butt until you’re at least 18-years-old. But comments like that are going to ensure that on that day, your bags will be packed and ready to go.
This might just be the most adorable thing I’ve heard all week long.
“My daughter starting to spit after brushing her teeth will now say ‘spit’ while trying to spit. Lol. And absolutely, spits nothing out.” – Reddit u/sunsetandporches
Now might be a good time to have a conversation regarding gender bias.
Why does this child believe that girls can only be pink and boys can only be blue? It’s 2022, people! Time to check that gender bias at the door.
Yeah, but in “kid years” you’re closer to 100.
Videogames aren’t meant for millennials, at least not anymore. Sure, you might think “I’m only 30” but to your gaming child, you might as well be the Crypt Keeper. It’s harsh but true.
At least they had the common courtesy to ask first.
I wish that more people my own age would ask my permission before farting in my presence. Most of the time, I don’t even realize that it’s happened — until it’s too late.
That’s it — go to your room!
On a totally unrelated note, I’ll be making a trip to the bookstore to learn all about which fad diets might work best for me. And no, I’m not crying — there’s just a little bit of dust in my eye.
“Here, this time I took the poo poo out of it” – Reddit u/yenraelmao
Dear lord — are you suggesting that there once was a time that you didn’t take the “poo poo” out of it? What kind of pancakes are you serving me and what the hell is in this batter?!
The moment you realize that your child would sell you out for a handful of chocolate chips.
I know this sounds like a pretty harsh reaction, but at the end of the day — theft is theft. Today, it’s a cookie. Tomorrow; who knows?
Just further proof that kids have no idea what it is they actually want.
I hate to break it to you, Johnny, but an egg only has two parts. If you don’t want the yolk or the white, then you can just go and make your own damn breakfast from now on.
“I told my 3yo she had morning breath. She looked me dead in the eye and replied, ‘it’s because of your face.'” – Reddit u/errbear1
Well then, that certainly didn’t turn out as expected. In fairness, the little girl can fix her morning breath but there’s nothing her mother can do about her face.
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Fake one; that’ll show her.
Yes, I understand that this would be an incredibly mean prank to pull but it also teaches a valuable lesson. Plus, it would be absolutely hilarious, in a very dark and sadistic kind of way.
It’s the pollen’s fault.
“My 4 year old[sic] daughter doesn’t know much about pollen except that we’re starting pollen season, so she keeps saying things like “My stomach hurts because of all the pollens. I’m sick with pollens.” Or ‘We can’t roll the windows down because we might catch the pollens.'” – Reddit u/ohsoluckyme
h/t: Reddit
