Growing up, getting hitched and having kids is a conventional model of adulthood that many of us follow.
But it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that no one actually needs to have kids.
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A recent thread on r/AskReddit asked, “People who don’t ever want to have kids, why?”
The answers ranged all over the place and gave some fascinating insights into the minds of those who aren’t interested in being a parent.
Pre-existing conditions.
“The gene thing in particular hits me hard. I have an incurable autoimmune disease, and there’s at least a 20% chance I pass the disease I have on to my children, and not to mention the possibility of an even more severe autoimmune disease like lupus. I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself if I passed that on to a child, especially with how much I struggle with my own disease. It’s one of the issues that bothers me most about whether I want to have kids or not.”
No desire for it.
“I just have no desire. I don’t hate kids, I love my nieces and nephews and have a great time being an influential part of their life. However, that means that I also see how difficult and stressful it is to raise kids. I understand that people really love it and it’s worth it to them, but that’s just not me.”
Breaking the cycle.
“In psych class we learned about a study where they separated monkeys from their mothers at birth. The monkeys grew to be anxious and twitchy. When those monkeys had their own kids, the mothers didn’t know how to care for them. I was raised horribly so I don’t know how to raise someone well. My parents had children even though their parents abused them. My grandparents’ parents probably also abused them. I’m just cutting off the cycle.”
Freedom.
“Freedom. My husband and I would probably be pretty good parents and we’re in a good spot financially, but we feel complete with each other. We have fun together and want to spend the rest of our lives without the responsibility and stress of kids.”
Don’t want to experience pregnancy.
“There’s even a word for that- tokophobia. Don’t let anybody tell you you have to put your body through that experience if you don’t want to and aren’t ready for it. Your will over your own body is inviolable and you get the only say that matters in what happens to it.”
Don’t want to be so selfless.
“I don’t trust myself to be unselfish enough to be everything that I believe a child deserves. I sometimes catch myself thinking that children might be nice; but until I’m sure of myself, financially stable and in a steady relationship a child is unlikely to be in the picture.”
They’re expensive.
“As someone who wants to become an elementary school teacher, people are often shocked to find out I don’t want children. But the reason is simple: they cost a LOT of money, they take up a lot of free time and space and I have terrible genes.”
No desire, again.
“People kept telling me that as I’d grow older, would reach my 30s, find my soulmate, my friends start having children, etc., I would start to have that feeling. I went through all these milestones and I still don’t have that desire for kids.
“And I don’t think it’s necessary to have kids if one does not have the desire for it.”
Too lazy.
“I’m lazy. I like my free time. I like money (well, the little I have!). I like sleep. I’ve also just never had the instinct in me to want kids. I feel complete without them.
“Plus it’s scary enough worrying about my own future, let alone the future of miniature humans I am responsible for bringing into the world. Rather give it a miss.”
Freedom is nice.
“I thoroughly enjoy being able to travel on a whim and not have to worry about a money-less dependant tagging along. Or being able to go out for dinner or just skip it if I’m not hungry, rather than having to worry about someone else and what they want to eat. Or having a car with no backseats and not having to deal with a car seat. I like being responsible for myself and JUST myself.”
They can be annoying.
“All of the parents I know keep asking ‘when are you having kids, it’s so great…’. Yeah, you look like you’re having a blast at life with those giant bags under your eyes like you’re barely clinging to your sanity as your kid screeches in the background.”
What world are you bringing them in to?
“They’re too much work, they’re too expensive, they take too much time, I hate babies and toddlers, kids are annoying as [expletive], the climate is destroyed and there won’t be a habitable world left for them, I don’t want to ruin my body, and I certainly don’t want the responsibility.”
Tough enough to care for yourself.
“Lethal combo of mental health disorders (anxiety and depression) with chronic physical disorders (psoriatic arthritis). I can barely take care of myself and there’s no way I could keep up with a toddler.
“Also, I really believe that every child deserves to get the best parental care possible. And if I can’t provide that, I don’t think I should have a child.”
Childcare isn’t appealing.
“I was parentified as child to my 4 younger siblings. When I see a child now, I act nice but cannot wait to get away from it.
“A child crying/screaming immediately puts me in a angry/foul mood for the rest of the day.
“I had my share of caring for kids, and have next to nothing positive come out of it.”
Adulthood doesn’t need to include kids.
“The thought of having kids is really appalling to me. I want to get married and having kids would ruin that for me. Just living the adult life caring for yourself and the person you’re with and it just being the two of you. No children. I am just not interested in being a parent.”
Readers, be sure to let us know your thoughts in the comments!
