There’s not a single person on Earth that doesn’t have a strange habit they like to indulge in while in private. They’re harmless, mostly, just silly things we’d be mortified if we learned someone saw us doing it.
Well, that’s exactly what happened to these people. When asked to share the strangest thing they’d been caught doing, they shared stories of embarrassment so that we may all get a giggle out of their misfortune. Thanks, guys!
A different lifestyle.
“When I was 14, I wanted to try to drink like a dog. I put a bowl on the floor and filled it with Fanta. My dad walked into my room where I was kneeling on the floor with my tongue in the bowl. He has never mentioned it since.”
Chompin’ away.
“A UPS delivery guy once caught my grandma biting her toenails. She was in the sunroom with the screen door open, and the guy walked up to the door and witnessed that.”
Dang, that’s one flexible grandma! What’s her secret? Yoga? Sheer force of will?
Exposing the truth.
“I was a kid and creeped out by cousin’s creepy doll, one morning me and the doll were alone in her room and I grabbed the doll and started to shake it and while I was yelling at it that I knew it could talk, my cousin walked in and was like what are you doing?? And I brought the doll close to me and caressed it and said I was just kidding. She kept the doll away from me after that.”
Letting loose.
“My friend and I went to the movies and thought the place was empty, so we started running around and flailing our arms. Turns out, there was a man sitting in the far back corner the whole time just watching us.”
Not an ordinary pet.
“I was in standstill traffic (ie car had been turned off, people [were] loitering outside of their cars) and I had a baby squirrel that I was [hand-rearing] in my car. I fed it some puppy milk formula from a bottle, looked up and realized I had an audience of about twenty people gawking at me.”
Overjoyed.
“In college, in lab, was coding to get double linked list to work.. when my program worked, I hugged the monitor and kissed it .. it’s crt monitor, so yeah am old 🙂 Right at that moment janitor guy walks in and sees it all and has this puzzled look.”
If nothing else, those old CRT monitors were way better to hug than today’s variety.
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Animalistic nature.
“I once ran up the stairs on all fours. I hadn’t realized that my best friend had already come over.”
This is something I’m convinced we all do as kids, and if I had a private set of stairs available to me now, I’d still do it. It’s freeing!
Displays of…affection?
“I once had a coworker who worked at a customer site and had a crush on one of the women who worked there, too. One day, the woman came back from lunch and saw him pick up the cushion from her chair and sniff it. He was asked to leave.”
Oscar-worthy.
“Arguing with myself (well, not myself – the actual person just wasn’t there, so I was standing in) in the mirror. With animated facial expressions and gestures. Lips moving, but with no sound. I now reserve these hypothetical arguments for the shower. When I am home alone.”
A moment of bliss.
“Walking across the road to the dumpster with a bag of trash. One arm pulled into my hoodie. Flapping it like a wing, and slowly moving forward while going in circles. Saying to myself ‘Flying in circles, flying in circles.’ Realizing that I was not circling in the right direction for the ‘wing’ I had and reversing to circle oppositewise. Saying ‘Flying in circles the wrong way.’
Come back inside and find that my whole family had been watching me.”
Perfectly memorized.
“I can’t remember why, but I was in the shower and started loudly reciting the trailer for Gremlins 2 . I stepped out of the bathroom and my mom was there pissing herself with laughter.”
Caught red-handed.
“When I bought my first pair of night-vision goggles, I had them delivered to the TV station I worked at (not trusting my neighbors to leave my [stuff] alone). So, I took a break and tried them out in the only truly dark room I could find. The men’s room. A coworker came in, flicked on the lights, and was startled to find me in the middle of the room, blinded by the sudden flash of normal light, brushing my teeth in the pitch dark with night vision goggles.”
Some back ‘n forth.
“Having an argument with my houseplants about their watering schedules. They had their own voices too.”
They say that talking to your plants helps them grow healthily! I don’t know if they meant you have to talk for them too, but it can’t hurt.
Cooling down.
“Sort of absent-mindedly blowing on a kettle to cool it down before pouring the water over the coffee. My wife thought that was pretty funny…”
Ah, the number of times I’ve blown on food that isn’t hot at all due to some weird mental reflex, I live in shame every day.
Musical improv.
“My ex-girlfriend once caught me playing her cat like a banjo. I had the cat’s front paws in my hand, and I strummed his tummy. The cat was purring so loud that it made her come in to see what was going on.”
