When you’re dating someone, having your family meet is a huge step. It can be the push forward to making the relationship more serious and even be a first step towards engagements and marriage. Many people in relationships get nervous about blending families and introducing everyone. It can be a great thing — or, it can totally blow up in their face.
Sometimes, there are certain scenarios where introducing families can be quite complicated. This can lead to tension and discomfort in the relationship, overall. When one person wants to move forward, but another is hesitant, there is no way for problems not to come out.
RELATED STORIES
Recently, a Reddit user shared that he’s hesitant about this next step
The 23-year-old shared that he and his girlfriend have been together for three years, long distance. They are “incredibly happy” together and their relationship is very healthy — they’ve even discussed their future together often. However, the two do not live together, because she is finishing school.
Therefore, it’s easiest for her to live with her parents until she’s done. On the other hand, the boyfriend lives alone and has a full-time job.
Despite their time together, their families have never met
Due to the nature of their relationship, and being long distance, the couple’s families have never met and mingled. The boyfriend said the easiest way for their parents to meet would be if he and his parents went over to her family’s house for dinner one night.
While they both feel like it’s an important step, especially because they want a future together, the boyfriend is extremely hesitant about having his folks over.
He revealed that her house is “filthy”
He shared that he recently stayed at his girlfriend’s house with her parents for about a week and the home is absolutely gross. He said it’s not “messy,” but actually “filthy.”
“Filthy as in everything is coated in a thick layer of dirt, cleaning glasses and dishes amounts to scrubbing them gently for 5 seconds with an old grey sponge, and when the dog pees inside, it’s cleaned with a mop that is then put back into a bucket and put outside,” he wrote.
He thinks that this behavior and this lifestyle have been “normalized” by his girlfriend
One night when he was staying over his girlfriend’s house, he offered to clean up as a “thank you,” to her parents. He even offered to clean up the guest room, as well. However, his girlfriend said that it would “be difficult to clean because you can’t vacuum tile floors and the things that look like dirt are actually just stains.”
He couldn’t believe that was her response and was shocked by the state of the house overall.
He is now unsure how to approach the situation
The two have been together for a long time and usually have a good method of communicating, but now, the boyfriend is worried this will offend her and her family. Despite this, he still doesn’t want to have his parents over her house because of the way it looks. In addition, he’s not comfortable staying there again, either.
After sharing photos along with the post, people were definitely grossed out
Many people were seriously grossed out and disgusted at the state of her home and how the boyfriend described it.
“That shower description made me almost puke just thinking about it. The dirt on the baseboards alone would have to be scraped off with a putty knife. If this is normal for her, it will be normal for her when you are living together. She does not even recognize the value of having anything clean,” Rare-Craft-920 said.
Some had second-hand shame.
“The crazy thing is how this is just normal to her. If my parents’ house looked like that I’d be too embarrassed to invite anyone there,” commented HippieGrandma1962.
Some offered suggestions for their family meeting, too
Instead of having his parents over her home, many developed better meeting places.
“Go out to a family-friendly restaurant so you won’t be rushed and can have the parents get to know each other on neutral ground. You’ll have to deal with the issue of cleanliness with your girlfriend at another time. God bless you as you move forward with these circumstances in your relationship,” shared babz816.
Many also questioned their future together
Reddit users pointed out that this conversation is super important because of their plans to have a future together. Many questioned how the boyfriend would be able to live with his partner if she thought this kind of living situation was okay and acceptable.
“Stop and seriously think about your future with her. This is her standard of living. It’s not likely changing as she sees nothing wrong with it. Do you want to live like that? Huge,huge red flag. Flashing red lights,” wrote Inevitable-Tank3463.
Some even said he’s “strong” for staying a whole week.
“I’m shocked you made it a week. I would have immediately booked a hotel. Tell her the truth. Her place is filthy. I don’t understand why your parents would even have to go to her parents’ house. Meet at a restaurant,” wrote soph_lurk_2018.
People also said their parents’ meeting is the “least of their problems”
Many said that if they do want to be together, the parents’ meeting isn’t as big of an issue as the cleaning is.
“Dude, rethink this relationship or start talking to her about her standards because this can actually break you two apart if you decide to move in together one day. Not a joke, this can become a dealbreaker for you once you experience living with her,” commented mong_gei_ta.
One Reddit user even said they went through something similar
SheLordRaiden shared that her husband’s family home was not clean in the slightest when she went there for the first time and it drove her crazy. She said they talked seriously about it when they moved in together because she didn’t want to live that way.
“Even though it was a little frustrating for me, I taught him how to clean. And I don’t mean like he didn’t know how to use any cleaning tools, but I taught him what clean was for me specifically, and he understood how important it was for me to make sure the counters were wiped down after making a sandwich or cleaning the toilets so they didn’t get gross. He didn’t take offense to it because I phrased it as my clean is very different than other people’s clean and I become very unhappy and stressed if I live in what I consider filth,” she wrote.
Hopefully, these two can find some common ground.
