When husbands find out their wives are pregnant, they ultimately begin the jokes and trolling that comes with pregnancies . Poor women not only have to carry around a baby for 9 months, but they also have to put up with their husbands testing out “dad jokes” and other jokes about their size, cravings, and lack of ability to drink.
The worst.
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It seemed funny at the time.
As everyone knows that pregnant women are not supposed to drink, this guy wanted to see how many people would look and stare at her holding a beer in public.
Clearly, he played this joke right. I’m sure 300 people were like…why?
This dad learned the hard way.
Dad Will Rodgers learned that answering the questions the wrong way will land you in some hot water.
“When your angry, hungry, hormonal, pregnant, wife asks you, ‘Where do you want to eat?’
‘I dunno, probably separate rooms…’
Is NOT the right answer…”
Yikes!
That’s a hard pass, guy.
Tired legs may seem annoying to some dads standing around waiting for their kid to come out, but let’s not compare it at all to the grueling and undying pain that comes with giving birth to an actual human child.
Careful with your words!
One husband found out it’s better to leave things unsaid.
“Wife: Does this dress make me look pregnant?
Me: No, you look good.
Wife: So I don’t look good when I’m pregnant?
Me: flees the country “
Oh no.
You think?!
There is nothing quite like a man with a cold. It’s as if the entire world is collapsing around them and they just can’t seem to cope.
But, let’s face it, labor is four times as bad as any “man cold.” Am I right ladies?!?
Welp, he’s not wrong.
Maybe let your wife do all the talking.
“[woman stops my pregnant wife & I]
Her: when are you due?
Wife: middle of may
Her: what are you having?
Me: a [explicit] baby”
Oh no, no, no.
Women feel big and bloated enough as it is when they’re pregnant.
But I have to admit, this one is pretty funny, I’m sure even his wife laughed.
Some parents just want some quiet.
Nothing says, “I’m excited for my newborn baby” like telling your wife you should have the baby live with your in-laws!
“Pregnant wife: I think we should have the baby at home.
Me: ugh can’t it live with your parents?”
Hands down, excellent announcement.
Nothing says amazing like Bob Ross “painting” a photo of the sonogram of your unborn child.
This is dad jokes 101. The kind of joke that leaves you knowing this guy will be a good dad.
He needs a calculator.
Math is not great for some dads , and pregnancy math is definitely not easy.
“Someone just told me his wife is 39 weeks pregnant. Thats not a good scale for me cos I don’t know how long it takes. Just say “pregnant af.”
Party foul.
No matter how big your wife is, you can’t compare your stomach expanding from a burrito to your wife being pregnant.
It isn’t he same, and also doesn’t feel the same.
Dads say the darndest things.
Sometimes, guys say things they just can’t take back. Like, this guy.
“After a long conversation with my wife I now admit that “buckle the fuck up, buttercup” was probably not the best response to our friends announcing their first pregnancy.”
I mean, it’s different.
Choosing baby names is definitely the hardest. But, it’s even harder when your husband is testing out ridiculous and insane names like éclair.
I mean…what’s next? Croissant? Donut? A bit “out there” if you ask me.
Some sad times, but also, good times.
On the bright side, pregnancy jokes will not turn into dad jokes, which are excellent, too.
“Sure, when my new baby is born I will be very happy. But on the other hand, I’ll have to stop making pregnant wife jokes.
So yeah. Mixed feelings.”
He’s going to get stabbed again.
Some husbands open their mouths way too soon in situations they should just keep quiet on.
Like, if you know you got stabbed once before, why bring it on up again? Someone is looking for a redo!
These dads are something else!
Teasing a pregnant woman with alcohol is never a good idea.
Can you imagine being a fly on the wall for that conversation? I would never condone physical violence in a relationship, but this guy definitely deserved to get slapped for saying something so idiotic.
Who the heck is Braxton Hicks?
Don’t feel bad, I had to look it up too. Braxton Hicks contractions are more colloquially known as “false labor pains.” That being said, they do in fact feel very real to the mother-to-be, so try and be sensitive.
Maternity clothes should be enjoyed by everyone.
If there’s one thing men north of 30 can appreciate, it’s comfortable pants with a stretchy waistband. Plus, maternity clothes always seem to have the cutest patterns and designs.
Remember, no matter what happens for the next nine months — everything is your fault.
“My pregnant wife made me adjust the thermostat 9 times in the last 2 minutes,” @XplodingUnicorn tweeted. I can’t get the room to be exactly 73.25°. I’m such a failure.”
Everyone is gonna know…
I hate to break it to you, but I’m pretty sure that your friends and family would have already assumed you’d had sex well before the pregnancy announcement. Isn’t that what the wedding night is for?
Kids really do say the darndest things.
“My son told my pregnant wife she should swallow some toys so his unborn brother could play with them,” @HowToBeADad tweeted out. “He’s a genius as far as I’m concerned.”
That’s one way of looking at it, I suppose…
List Item #22
I would be highly suspect if my own offspring had such an aversion toward chocolate. I mean come on, baby — what’s wrong with you? I bet if you knew you were going to eat nothing but pureed peas for the next two years you’d be more grateful.
Remind me, how many weeks does it take for a baby to be born?
“Someone just told me his wife is 39 weeks pregnant,” @david8hughes tweeted. “Thats not a good scale for me cos I don’t know how long it takes. Just say “pregnant af[sic]””
