When a friend or family member gives birth, it’s normal to want to go see them almost immediately. However, sometimes new moms need some time and space away from the chaos of friends and family right after giving birth to a child.
New moms undergo a lot of stress when in labor.
Not only is there a physical toll, but there’s also an emotional one as well. Sometimes new moms want space to decompress and also spend some time with their newborn just one-on-one.
One mom spoke out about the truth behind giving birth on her blog.
Katie Bowman, the “creator of twins and their big sister,” recently wrote a powerful piece about why new moms need some space.
Shared on her blog and Facebook page, “Living My Family Life,” the post hit home for a lot of moms.
The mom shared exactly how it feels to have everyone waiting at the hospital door the moment after you give birth.
“A picture really is worth 1000 words…”
“This is me, roughly 24 hours after giving birth to my eldest. I have no idea who took the picture, but you can probably already tell how I feel just by looking at it,” Katie wrote .
“1 or 2 days. Is that too much to ask for?”
Katie continued:
“1 or 2 days for a new mum to come to terms with the fact she had a tiny human emerge from her body.
1 or 2 days for her to finally have a shower and wash the sweat and blood from her body.
1 or 2 days for her to push through the pain of her sore nipples as she learns to breastfeed.
1 or 2 days for her to try to have some sleep because she is absolutely exhausted.”
She went into detail about why it’s so important for visitors to wait.
“Before being introduced to your new life as a mother, you have just gone through one of the most painful, exhausting, and mind blowing experiences in your life,” she said .
The intimate details of breastfeeding are personal and the last thing you need is an audience.
“Learning to breastfeed is no private affair. You don’t just slip your nipple out and your baby connects to it like a magnet. You get your whole boob out, and slide your baby up and down waiting for them to latch on. The nurse comes in and helps you massage some colostrum out. Then you try the other side, so now you’ve got both boobs out,” Katie said.
And, she went on about the body’s recovery, too.
“Your vagina or stomach is in a world of pain. More often than not, there’s been a cut somewhere. You struggle to get comfortable in that hard hospital bed, because no position feels ok, ” she said.
Katie shared how everyone wants photos and bragging rights, but forgets about including the new mom.
“Everyone is so excited to have a photo with the new baby, the new mum doesn’t get a photo with her own damn baby! I had to ask for a photo with mine, other than that one photo, the only others I have are of her fresh out of my uterus, with us laying there naked and covered in blood. Thank you to the saintly midwife who was kind enough to grab my phone and capture the most precious photos that exist to me. From there on, it’s mostly selfies,” she said.
And, how everyone tries to brag about being the first to see the baby.
“Everyone wants the bragging rights to say they saw the new baby within 24 hours. They simply must satisfy their need to hold this new baby. If you don’t allow them to come visit you in the hospital, you’re a selfish, delicate, drama queen,” Katie said.
She did say some people love visitors.
“Sure, some people can’t wait to have visitors. That’s not what this is about. This is about people who have tried to ask visitors to wait a day or 2, but been made to feel like they told them they can’t be in the baby’s life,” Katie said.
But, some people should think first before visiting a new mom.
“The next time someone you know has a baby, remember how tired this new mother looks. I know you are excited, but remember it is not your right to visit a new baby, it is a privilege. If that offends you, go home and put it in your burn book,” Katie said.
Truly, it is a great message for all.
All moms can relate to the struggle of trying to be polite but also needing their space. We think Katie totally nailed it in her viral post.
Online, Katie’s post generated a lot of discussion with many moms sharing their own experiences of visitors going too far.
This mom said she had people who wanted to come in when she was still in active labor. Can’t a mom get any privacy?
A lot of moms agreed that it’s okay to set boundaries with visitors.
In this mom’s case, strict boundaries were necessary because her baby was in the NICU and at increased risk of contracting germs. When a baby’s health is at risk, visitors need to back off.
Some moms shared heartbreaking stories of how intruding guests spoiled the moment for them.
The sad thing is that moms who had this experience will never get these special moments back, not to mention the huge invasion of privacy.
Visitors can put new moms in an awkward spot.
It’s hard to straight-up tell people to leave you and your family alone, especially when they are so excited to see the baby. That’s why firm ground rules need to be in place before the baby arrives.
While a lot of women had similar experiences to Katie, many said they loved having family in the room during the birth or soon after the baby was born.
Which is awesome! Of course, everyone will have their own preferences but ultimately it’s up to the new parents to decide.
If a new mom says “no visitors,” friends and family need to respect that.
As Katie said, moms are recovering physically and emotionally from labor and birth. They also need time to bond with their babies. Visiting for even just a few minutes can take a mom away from some much-needed rest.
