When you’re having relationship troubles, you can take heart in one fact: they’re not easy for anybody. Relationships take work and dedication and communication for everybody. Sometimes, to clear up your difficulties, you need to get an outside viewpoint, an impartial, unbiased opinion of your troubles. Usually that involves therapy or couples counselling, but that costs money. Why pay out the nose when the internet is giving advice away for free?
One woman at her wit’s end with her boyfriend took to Reddit in search of some help.
Having some trouble with what she sees as her boyfriend’s double standard, Reddit user alwaysonthedamnphone asked the site’s users if she was in the wrong “for charging my boyfriend $50 if he doesn’t make it home by 5am?”
Of course, there’s more to it than that, but she went on to explain how she ended up fining her boyfriend for his late nights.
After two years of living together, problems that started when they were first dating started to catch up with them. “When we first started dating, I kind of had a drinking problem,” she said. She explained that she had stayed out late drinking, allowing her phone to die, about five times in a year. Understandably, her boyfriend had an issue with this.
“Initially, I didn’t understand how problematic it was because I wasn’t cheating and I was literally half a block away from our apartment and in the same bar that I went to each and every time.”
“Every time, my boyfriend expressed that he hated this. He hated the staying out late and he hated the dead phone. He told me it was unacceptable. Eventually, it seemed like such a big deal to my boyfriend that I just sucked it up, stopped staying out late, and stopped drinking.” Which all seems fine, until a year passed and suddenly the shoe was on the other foot.
“My boyfriend got a new set of friends and now he stays out mostly every weekend until 3-5am.”
“I don’t ask who he’s with or what he’s doing before he leaves. I don’t bother him while he’s out. I want him to have his space because humans deserve that. But, it still bothers me that he’s late only because of the double standard he’s set in our relationship.”
So, after trying many times to talk to him about it over the course of a year, she decided to start charging $50 for coming home late.
“My reasoning is that he’s either going to tire of paying the $50 and come home on time or afford me the same level of understanding for occasionally staying out until the bars close…What do I say to this man? I’ve several times tried to explain to him why I don’t think this double standard is far. He doesn’t listen.”
So, what does Reddit think of their situation?
Well, for the most part, Reddit users thought that charging her boyfriend $50 for coming home late was a terrible idea.
Without saying that she was in the wrong, Reddit user Wehavecrashed said that “this $50 thing is a bad idea, it sounds like it’s going to breed resentment, not actually encourage him to get home on time. You don’t seem to be able to properly communicate your feelings to each other, or he just doesn’t care how you feel.”
Some users definitely felt she was in the wrong, however.
As SocietalPsychopath wrote, “This is a really stupid and childish game both of you are playing. You admitted you had a problem and you admitted that you basically allowed your cell phone to die. You also admitted your boyfriend told you that you could call him or text him any time you wanted to, but you basically refuse to do so. It sounds like you are trying to get revenge.”
Many others saw only red flags for their relationship.
“Your lifestyles are not meshing,” wrote one user who has since deleted their account. “Congratulations on your recovery, but he is not in the same boat. You’re both on different cruises. Your issue is trying to fine him to change who/what he is. His issue is ignoring your needs. One of you needs to make a decision. Either you’re both agreeing on how to handle nights out. Or one of you needs to make the decision to move on.”
What do you think?
