When a woman reaches a certain age — about 25-30 — people automatically flip a switch and begin asking, “when are you going to have kids?”
Even if a woman is single, or not interested in having kids, people still ask.
It seems to be a new society norm that at a specific age, women should be automatically thinking about having kids.
Sometimes, it’s incredibly frustrating for women.
Some women may not be ready for kids, others may not want to have kids at all.
The constant questioning is not only annoying, but added pressure and stress.
Some women may feel like they’re falling behind or they’re failing if they can’t live up to these expectations from others.
But, there’s also another reason why asking women when they’re having kids can be problematic.
Often times, women are going through very private struggles behind closed doors that no one knows about.
A writer named Emily Bingham recently shared an honest and truthful post on Facebook about why asking women about their reproductive business is totally wrong.
In the post she wrote:
“Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family … before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works … before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop. Please stop.”
She added that there are many complications that come along with trying to conceive.
“You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. You don’t know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don’t know who has decided it’s not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings — but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends’ experiences — it more than likely does.”
Although people may have good intentions, it can be painful to discuss.
“Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it’s absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they’re excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you’re curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready.”
People online were in full support of Emily’s commentary.
The post has been shared over 80,000 times on Facebook so far.
Many women commented that they’re in total agreement.
One person wrote:
“People asking me about my child bearing plans drives me up a tree. Be they my parents or PERFECT STRANGERS, because that happens all too often.”
Several woman also thanked Emily for her post.
One woman wrote:
“Thank you for posting this! I’m so drained right now from fighting these questions off.”
It’s important to think before you begin to ask people about their private life and their private business.
As the saying goes, you never know what battles people may be fighting in private. Instead of prying, wait until people are ready to tell you about their pregnancy plans and private life — you never know how hard it may be.
