They say that “kids say the darndest things,” and yes, they would be right. But when you’re a parent of a toddler , you have to always be on the lookout. If you’re not, chances are your kid will blurt something out that might actually shock people.
So when a Redditor asked, “Parents of Reddit, what is the most embarrassing thing your toddler said out loud in public?” the answers were even funnier than I thought. Let’s check some of them out.
This Power Move
“My daughter is 16 months. When she is done interacting with someone, she will dismissively wave her hand and say ‘All done! Bye!’ My wife doesn’t like it, but I think it’s funny and a total power move.”
She’s going to be someone’s boss alright.
This Excited Snitch
“Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted ‘HE FARTED!!’ at every single table. In case there was any confusion, she was also pointing at my face.”
I’m laughing out loud.
This Honest Mistake
“I was with a group of friends and was asked if I drink. I said I don’t really, and my daughter said, ‘But mom, you drink all the time.’ She had no idea the difference between drinking alcohol and drinking everything else.”
Yikes!
This Natural Born Singer
“My son has a knack for remembering songs after only hearing them once or twice. I didn’t realize that he knew ‘Let’s Get It On’ until we were at the supermarket and he started singing along really loudly. Funny, but also mortifying.”
Oh, boy!
This Over-Sharer
“Disclaimer: This was not my toddler, but a toddler said this to me while I was waiting in the grocery line: ‘I have a vagina and new party shoes!’ Really, what else do you need?”
Alrighty then, lol.
This Awkward Scene
“My four-year-old son was misbehaving in a store, and I told him if he didn’t control himself, we were going to leave. He escalated, and I picked him up and carried him through the entire store. He was surprisingly putting up a little fight. As we pass the checkout lanes, he loudly says ‘Hey mister, put me down!’ I didn’t hesitate, didn’t make eye contact with anyone, just turned beet red and kept marching out the door.”
Get the car, get the car!
This Appropriate Announcement
“During a private Remembrance Day (Armistice Day) ceremony with veterans, my three-year-old soiled her diaper. I changed her in a back room and when we came out, it was a moment of silence. She slammed the door and yelled to all the vets, ‘I just had a BIG poo! And it had PEANUTS in it!'”
TMI, eh?
This Word Confusion
“My niece once announced at a family dinner that she wanted a [f-word], loudly. We all turned and looked at this little 3-year-old, and her mother said she’d work on speech therapy with her as she handed her daughter a FORK.”
Crikey!
This Odd Request
“My oldest daughter and I used to run away from my wife when we went shopping. One time, we got particularly far away and I asked her, ‘What do you wanna do now that Mom can’t stop us? She exclaimed loudly, near others, ‘We can punch a stranger!'”
Wow, what has she been watching?
This Overachiever
“My wife had my three-year-old at the park one day. [My wife] decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer, so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags, etc. and he wanted to help. He stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife says ‘leave those to mommy’ (she wasn’t going to pick them up, but didn’t want him to touch them either).
A few minutes later, he has gone to play. He tells another mom, ‘I’m finding cigarettes for mommy.’ My wife was so embarrassed and said she got the dirtiest looks from nearby parents who heard this.”
I bet she had to find a different park from now on. Am I right?
This Determined One
“My friend’s daughter (about 2.5 years old) saw another kid in the grocery store with a toy truck, and out of nowhere says ‘I want that {expletive} truck…’ in an angry tone.”
Not the funniest thing to read, I know, but we’ve been saying that in a baby voice for the last few years and it always cracks us up.”
LOL! That would crack me up too, ha, ha.
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This Language Confusion
“When my daughter was in kindergarten, she overheard some people speaking another language in a store. She asked what it was and they said ‘Portuguese.’ She was so excited and said, ‘I know that language!’ then bowed and said ‘Konichiwa.'”
What a facepalm, right?
This Early Starter
“When I was little (under 5), my dad would jokingly ask if I wanted a cold beer. I would always respond with ‘no.’ Until one day when we were in the grocery store, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied, ‘A cold beer,’ while we were standing in line.”
I would love the see the looks on the other people’s faces at that very moment.
This Blunt Announcement
“After his little sister was born my toddler announce to the parking garage that she, “came out of mommy’s magina!” So that was nice …”
I bet the mom was pretty much mortified. But if it were me I would try to just laugh it off, ha, ha.
This Future Cheerleader
“In a public restroom, I had my toddler with me in the stall, where she loudly exclaimed, ‘Wow! That’s a really big poop! Good job, mommy!'”
Aww, when you think about it it’s kind of sweet, no? Ha, ha!
This Awkward Moment
“I was in Target with my four-year-old boy twins. One has a nervous habit of grabbing his parts. I quietly said to him ‘let go, hands-off dude’ and he yells at the top of his lungs, ‘BUT MAMA, MY PENIS won’t GO DOWN!’ I don’t think I’ve ever left Target so fast.”
I bet she turned bright red right there.
This Bright Observation
“My youngest sibling is 10+ years my junior, so I grew up with him embarrassing me in public.
The worst was around Christmas one year when we went to Walmart after going to a church service. The service was about the virgin birth and how no other virgin had ever had a baby before. My brother was probably about 4 or 5 at the time, so while he didn’t know exactly what made someone a virgin, that service taught him virgins couldn’t have babies.
Anyway, we’re in the checkout line and behind us is a woman who is obviously pregnant. My brother points to her and says very loudly, ‘Look, that lady isn’t a virgin!'”
OMG!
Wow, I can’t stop laughing at these awkward moments here.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall in this very instance, huh? I bet these parents were totally mortified, to say the least. Have you ever experienced your kid embarrassing you in public like this? I’d love to hear about it, lol. So don’t be shy! We’re all friends here.
