Being in love is one of the worst reasons to get married. Loving someone is easy, especially in the early stages of a relationship. The test of any true marriage shouldn’t be “do you love me?” but rather “can you endure me?”
The answer isn’t always apparent and it’s rarely easy. But according to wedding therapist Landis Bejar, it’s just one of the many conversations that she believes every couple should have before getting married.
One of the most important days in any couple’s lives is their wedding day.
I think it goes without saying that everybody loves a wedding.
It’s the ultimate celebration of love, as well as the spiritual beginning of a lifelong journey spent traversing the earth together.
Nobody has ever entered into marriage expecting it to fail.
The ugly truth is that the facts state otherwise. According to recent statistics, approximately 45% of all marriages in America will end in divorce . Ironically, this is the lowest the divorce rate has been in nearly 50 years.
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While there’s no way to guarantee a long, happy marriage, there are certain things couples can do to help mitigate disaster.
Mainly — by talking to one another!
It might sound silly and overly simple, but according to relationship therapist Landis Bejar (founder of AisleTalk ), this is the number one mistake all couples make.
Landis says that most couples wait until they’re already married to talk about monumental decisions.
While it’s true that challenges will always arise in your relationship, it’s best to be on the same page regarding a few fundamental issues before you pop the big question.
For example, how do you and your partner feel about children?
Landis told Insider that couples should be asking, “How were you parented? What were your experiences being parented? What were your relationships like with your parents growing up, and how are they now?”
Ultimately, if children are a make-or-break for the relationship, it’s best to find out as early as possible.
If you don’t want to have children — that’s OK. But what isn’t OK is for you to string someone along under the guise that you could possibly maybe one day change your mind on the subject.
Another often divisive issue comes down to dollars and sense.
Married couples aren’t allowed to have taboo subjects. They need to be open and honest about everything.
If your partner is being hunted by creditors, that’s something you absolutely have a right to know. Remember that in marriage, debt is shared the same way that assets are.
Something that also warrants consideration is the role your parents and extended family will occupy.
Do you have aging parents? Could they possibly be coming to live with you one day? Is your brother broke and liable to spend weeks on-end couch-surfing in your living room? These are all questions that couples have to hold themselves accountable to.
Landis also believes that couples should have a thorough discussion regarding religion and cultural upbringing.
Especially if you and your partner happen to have different cultures or religious upbringings. Presuming that your partner is just going to go along with whatever you say is a recipe for disaster.
Finally, all couples need to talk about sex before they get married.
Couples need to be comfortable voicing their sexual preferences, appetite, and desires to their partner.
“You want to have open lines of communication about sex. And you want to have open lines of communication about what to do if things change,” Landis said .
Once a couple has discussed all of the above, then and only then should they talk about getting married.
“When you start to feel serious about one another, it’s time to start talking about those things,” Landis concluded . “You want to make sure that you’re not just on the same page about life in the moment that you’re meeting.”
