Having a toddler at home can be a challenging task. Toddlers are at the ages where everything starts to go from cute to crazy. When our kids are newborns , they sleep and eat and poop, coo, and make funny faces. They make everything lighthearted, happy, and fun.
Then, they become toddlers. They start to walk and touch everything. They put things in their mouth. They pick up on all of our bad habits. They talk back! Toddler days are not for the weak or weary.
Woken up out of a dead sleep.
There’s nothing like hearing the scream of your toddler who is sleeping in another room. The first thing we think about is that someone is in the house hurting them.
Then we wonder if we locked the door. We run down there, in a cold sweat, praying everything is okay. But, alas, it’s just their blanket.
No one likes cauliflower…except for crazy people.
Winter is a beautiful season. When the snow falls on the trees and the leaves are twinkling with frozen ice and wonder.
Every kid loves the snow—no school and tons of snowballs and sledding. But, apparently, this Twitter user’s 6-year-old cannot fathom loving the winter because the snow looks like cauliflower . And, that’s just gross.
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It’s called thinking ahead.
Thinking ahead means you know that your kids are going to drop cereal all over your floor and your carpet. And, if you get something small like Fruity Pebbles, you’ll be picking it up forever. But, anything big like Cookie Crisps is hard to get up with the vacuum. But, if you find the ones that work the best with the dustbuster, you’re set for life.
Sounds about right.
Trying to get your toddler to wash their hair and take a bath is like asking for a kidney. They know they need to take one, but washing their hair is a trip. There’s soap in their eyes, the water is too hot, then too cold, and by the time they get out they are miserable, crying, and cold. Someone come groom my child for me.
She’s going places.
When kids don’t want to do something themselves, they’ll think of any excuse to get out of it. But, these toddlers are thinking way ahead of themselves and are definitely going places in the world. They outsourced their potty training to Yoshi. So, technically, someone is getting potty time.
“Don’t worry mom!”
Does anyone else agree with this one? When a kid says “don’t worry,” we know that means that they have done something so egregious that by the time we figure it out, it’s going to be an absolute sh*t show. “Don’t worry” means I have to brace myself entirely for whatever the hell is to come.
Nothing is time wasted like having our toddlers help.
How can you argue with that? Moms are always complaining that we have to do everything on our own in the house with no help. But, I think we wanted to have help from our spouse rather than the toddler who is going to shove pants in the fridge.
She probably just wants a whole pie.
Not for nothing, if this is her fancy way of saying she doesn’t want the apple and instead wants her dad to make her an entire apple pie , then this Pre School is doing its damn job. If a toddler can convince me with some riddle to bake for them, life is pretty much solid.
Note to self: hide the cleaning products.
Note to self: hide all cleaning products from my toddler so that they never, ever take the broom or the Swiffer and try to attack me with it. I truly think that toddlers are just angry little people who want to attack us at any moment’s notice.
I guess we’re both going to be unhealthy today.
Listen, if my son is going to get his way and have chocolate for breakfast, you damn well better believe that I am also having chocolate for breakfast. And, no one needs to tell him that after mommy drops him at school, she usually has chocolate for breakfast anyway.
Never bring the toddler. Ever.
Whoever thought that bringing our toddler to the grocery store with us was a good idea should really just make us rethink everything. Bringing a toddler to the grocery store is an absolute disaster and we should never even try to bring them anywhere with us where we will be for an extended period of time.
Kids, they cry at the darndest things.
Imagine having to stop next to someone on the highway and wave them down in order for them to wave to you in the car, like a complete stranger waving to you, just so your toddler will stop crying. Kids will cry at anything. Don’t worry, they won’t ever listen to us either.
Nope, never worth it.
Should I get off the couch and check on my toddler? The change is that I’m going to say no 99.9% of the time. I would rather keep my butt on the couch watching Netflix and just replace whatever they broke. Sorry, Hunny, it’s time to go back to Home Goods.
Why does this terrify me so much?
I’m not going to lie, this is both beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. Kids have minds that are oftentimes going at 1,000 miles a minute. And, if this proves anything, it’s that we cannot leave our toddlers alone because they will think of a crazy adventure to go on and break everything in our house.