One worried woman recently took to the internet to try and figure out whether or not she was in the wrong for not defending my cousin after he stole their baby name — and the internet had some strong opinions!
Choosing a baby name can be an incredibly difficult process.
Choosing a baby name is a very stressful task for parents because… well, it’s going to be your child’s name for life! And, you want to make sure that you pick the right one so that you’re not stuck with a 5-year-old called Gertrude and wishing you’d spent longer brainstorming!
(Apologies to any Gertrudes out there, I really like that name, but the rest of my family aren’t sure!)
However, the question, “Can you steal a baby name?” recently arose on the internet.
Sure, plethoras of people across the globe share names with one another so there is no crime against naming your child the same as someone else — otherwise, there would be some incredibly convoluted names out there.
However, one person’s story is a little more complicated than simply naming a baby the same as someone else’s…
One woman recently explained her incredibly difficult position online.
The woman took to Reddit’s “Am I An Asshole?” thread to explained her story. She wrote that she is 31 weeks pregnant and started her story as such:
“I’ve known for years what I want to name my child. The first name has sentimental meaning for me, and my husband and I chose the second name together. We’ve planned the name for years- when we were dating and talking about the future, one of the things we always said was that our firstborn would have this name. It’s gender-neutral, so it didn’t matter if it was a girl or a boy.”
She went on to say that her and her family have been referring to their baby by this name.
“As soon as we found out I was pregnant, we started referring to the baby by name. Because we’ve had this name in mind for so many years, our whole family knows the name and the meaning behind it. We’ve already started decorating the nursery with little items that have the name or initials on them. There’s basically been no question that this would be our child’s name.”
However, one family member clearly didn’t understand the meaning that this name had to this mother-to-be.
The pregnant mother then explained that her cousin used this name before they had the chance.
“My cousin’s wife gave birth two weeks ago. They had refused to tell anyone what name(s) they were thinking about during the pregnancy, which is fine. But the name that they ended up choosing is pretty much exactly the same as the name my husband and I chose for our baby. It’s exactly the same first name and then an almost identical second name.”
She went on to write that the were devastated to find out that their cousin had used it, as it felt as though they had chosen it out of spite.
They also added that the rest of the family were furious at their cousin for choosing this name.
They wrote that even though they congratulated their cousin and kept their anger quiet, the rest of their family didn’t remain quiet on the issue:
“It turns out that even though my husband and I are trying to take the high road here, the rest of the family is pretty mad. Apparently, a bunch of them (including my cousin’s mom) have reached out and told my cousin and his wife that what they did is really sh*tty and that they need to think about changing their baby’s name.
“They’ve also reached out to me to say that they think it’s awful and that they know how much meaning the name has for me. I absolutely didn’t ask them to do this, but I can’t pretend I’m not happy that people are ‘taking our side’.”
Finally, their cousin called, and asked the pregnant mother to make the rest of the family apologize.
“My cousin called me yesterday and said that I need to call all of our family and tell them to stop pressuring him about the name and that I’m fine with it, because they’re ruining his and his wife’s time with their newborn.
“I have no intention of doing so because A) I didn’t ask them to talk to him about it in the first place and B) I’m not fine with it; I think it’s weird that he and his wife did this and I have no interest in defending him. [Am I the asshole]?”
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And boy, did the internet have some opinions!
There were some who thought that the pregnant mother was out of line for being annoyed.
“These kids are going to be second cousins. Tell everyone to calm down and let. it. go. […] You can’t steal a name. Do they even have the same surname? […] Honestly, it’s not really a problem.” — AuntieAnnie81
With some even going so far as to dub the pregnant mother the asshole in this situation:
“[You’re the asshole], you don’t own a name. And your cousin’s kid will be so far apart genealogically from yours that it doesn’t matter if they have the same name. Laugh it off and move on.” — AntiquePangolin
There were also some people who said that everyone was in the wrong!
There were some people on the thread who thought that everyone was in the wrong, with one person explaining their opinion as such:
“[Everyone sucks here], and this is the reason people don’t discuss names before birth. Your cousin sucks for not having the balls to tell his family to stop and trying to pawn it off on you. Your family sucks for making this a thing when it isn’t. You suck for any resentment whatsoever. So what if someone you know has a child of that name. If it makes it less special for you, that’s a problem with you, not anyone else.” — RichardBachman19
However, the mother-to-be was ultimately dubbed “Not the asshole”!
The thread ultimately bestowed upon the expectant mother the title of NTA [Not the asshole], with the top comments consisting of the likes of:
“Cleary your cousin was keeping the name secret because they knew this was going to cause a ruckus – and did it anyways. Good on your family for seeing the BS, too.” — GrizzlyDraws
“If they happens to land on the same or a similar name by chance it would be a different thing. But since you’ve been pretty much advertising the name you’ll give to your baby for years… Well, yeah, that’s not cool. You didn’t start this, it’s not responsibility to stop it. Plus, she’s assuming you are fine with the name. Did she ever bother to ask? I don’t think so.” — ChiisaiHobbit
“They did it on purpose and therefore they have to deal with the consequences.” — Flowerlillies
Where do you stand on this?
Do you think that the mother-to-be was wrong for not defending her cousin to the family? Or do you think that the cousins were wrong to use the name in the first place. I must say, I’m on the side of the mother-to-be here, but let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
h/t: Reddit
