If you’ve spent any time on Twitter, you know that each day features a new “main character” on Twitter. From celebrities, to debates about whether Ross or Joey was the best partner for Rachel, to stunningly bad takes, Twitter always has one person who goes viral for a weird reason.
This time, it was tampons. And yes, it’s worse than it sounds.
So, Tampon Guy.
Tampon Guy had the honor of becoming Twitter’s main character on the second day of the new year. He also goes by Adam Garrie in his real life, but I’m going to call him Tampon Guy. Join me.
It all started with a pretty cool tweet.
As of 2021, VAT (value-added tax, aka the UK’s goods and services tax) won’t be applied to sanitary products. This is awesome news, since people who menstruate can’t exactly opt out of using those products!
However, one person wasn’t too thrilled with the tweet.
Commentator Adam Garrie (aka Tampon Guy) objected to the imagery used in the tweet, calling the drawing of the tampon “obscene.”
You wanna see obscene, Tampon Guy? Wait until you find out what actually happens during a period.
People were pretty curious why he found the image obscene.
Writer Kate Walton was brave enough to ask why Tampon Guy was so offended.
Tampon Guy replied that there was a “particular curvature” in the image that was “overly suggestive.”
I, like many others, assumed the curvature was the bullet of the tampon.
Since, you know, that’s the part that we who menstruate have to utilize in our bodies. I wouldn’t call it obscene, but in my quest to make his line of thinking make sense, that was my only guess.
But, no.
Tampon Guy had a different explanation.
It was the string, my friends. He found the dangly bit obscene, as he so helpfully pointed out with his iPhone screenshot scribble.
At this point, you’re probably thinking he’s just trolling. I’m sorry to report he was not.
When questioned, Tampon Guy doubled down.
I don’t know how to tell Tampon Guy that he was the only person thinking what he’s thinking. It’s a string, Adam. We pull it to — actually, I’m not going to explain. We’re trying to keep it PG in here.
So, as you can imagine, Tampon Guy got dunked on to the extreme.
The more Tampon Guy continued to insist that the image of cotton on string was suggestive, the more losses he took.
Rule 1 of Twitter: If you take the “L,” stay down and pray a new main character comes along soon.
Graphics were made.
I would absolutely LOVE to know if Tampon Guy even knows what a speculum is. Given the fact that he finds a bit of string sexual, I’m going to go with “has no clue, would faint if told.”
Doctors were NOT impressed with his take.
Not gonna lie: 50% of my enjoyment of this situation came out of MDs rolling in to explain why exactly we use tampons. Basic biology and hygiene are not sexual, people. Repeat: Not sexual!
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Anyway, things are really looking up for Twitter in 2021.
If you’re not caught up on Bean Dad, I am begging you to hit up Twitter and search the phrase “bean dad.”
Welcome to the new year, guys. It’s going to be a weird one.
