Once again, I get to talk about one of my favorite movies of all time, The Lion King .
I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again, I love my job.
So there’s a new ‘Lion King’ out.
But you already knew this. Everyone and their neighbor’s dog knows this.
It’s been totally unavoidable, and one night your mind will go blank and suddenly you’re in the theatre watching it.
I’m just saying…
You may want to turn off your Google Homes, people. Your mind is not safe.
Anywho, with the new Lion King almost on our doorstep, fan theories have been making their way around town.
And of course…
They’re coming from Reddit, that vile temple of scum and villainy. Because they always do, don’t they?
They’ve always gotta have something weird to say about a prized nostalgic property.
So let me tell you something about lions.
Oh that’s right, I bet you thought you were just going to read a funny article about The Lion King today.
Well, you get to learn something too.
Lions travel in these things called prides.
And in these lion prides, there’s usually only one or two males who travel in them.
The rest of the members are females.
Hence Scar and Mufasa being the only men that we see in the pride.
And the rest, including Queen Serabi, are of course lionesses.
Let me get to it, don’t worry your mind is going to be blown.
So let’s switch perspective…
Let’s take a look at Simba and Nala.
They’ve got the perfect relationship because they were friends as kids and then grew up into two people who took down an oppressive regime together.
And then they got to be royals!
Which, as Megan Markle could definitely attest, is probably one of the best ways to end a relationship.
And so, all was well on Pride Rock and nothing gross or weird was implied.
Yeah…
Unfortunately no, because there’s still that fan theory we have to talk about.
So why do you think male lions like to be the only ones around in a group of females?
Uh….
So… wait, hold on, let me get this one… it’s so… it’s so…
It’s so they can be the only ones who get to drink when they draw a six in kings?
Nah.
It’s for sex stuff.
Anyways, so let’s put this all together now, shall we? Scar and Mufasa are the only ones who get to do that stuff with all the women of their pride…
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Which means only their babies will be produced.
Which means that everyone’s favorite animal couple, the adorable kids who grew up together and then licked each other under a waterfall (it’s a lot cuter than that, I promise).
Were cousins.
At the very least they were cousins, or at least I hope they were. Because if they were Mufasa’s kids…
It’s never a good sign when you’re hoping two characters were cousins instead of brother and sister.
My question is…
Why? Why do you have to do this Reddit?
Why do you have to take my beloved childhood movies and ruin them like that?!
