There are two types of people in the world. There are the people who let things go and casually enjoy the flow of life. Then, there are the rest of us. The ones who hold onto grudges and never let anything go. Being of the second group, it’s always comforting for me to know that when it comes to being petty, I’m not exactly alone.
1. This little evil genius who knows that the secret to payback is opened, browned produce.
There goes your nutritious and delicious breakfast, Dad. Good luck hitting your potassium goals now!
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2. All of us who pretend we’re over something, when we really dwell on it forever.
I’ll hate the girl who made fun of my dress in fourth grade until the day I die.
3. This mom who loved the joke but hated the teller.
Is there anything more infuriating than finding something wildly funny but being unable to laugh because you don’t want to give them validation?
4. All of us who just aren’t good at accepting apologies.
I know you said sorry but like, remember when you ate my leftovers a month ago without asking? Yeah, let’s talk about that.
5. This bitter sister who knows that sometimes cropping is the only answer.
If I can’t crop you out IRL, you better believe I’ll do it on Facebook and make sure you see it.
6. Everyone who has a gold medal in holding grudges.
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since it happened. If I got upset you can bet I’m still dwelling on it.
7. This roommate who took being subtweeted to a whole other level.
It’s one thing to just like the tweets. It’s something else to print them out and hang them up.
8. Any girlfriend who says she’s fine with him going out when in reality, she’s not.
“Oh, yeah! Have fun,” she says, while hoping that he absolutely does not have fun.
9. This monster who knew that freezing forks is the true secret to perfect retaliation.
Good luck eating your steaming plate of petty, roommate! Now to just pretend it wasn’t me…
10. Anyone who thinks that they can throw out your drink in a shared fridge and get away with it.
If I don’t get a drink, NO ONE gets a drink.
11. The sweet mom who decided it would be better to have a solo career.
Because when the gang breaks up, the only thing to do is rip off their heads and move on.
12. The screenwriter who waited for the perfect moment to give a petty like.
Because nothing says, “I hate you” like clicking the heart when someone tweets something unfortunate. I can’t blame her.
13. This significant other who was tired of the never-ending “what do you want to eat” fight.
If there’s one thing that breaks apart relationships, it’s deciding what to have for dinner.
14. And this secret parking police who wants to make sure that members of the community park inside the lines.
Nothing like a side of humiliation for your bad parking job.
15. All of us who wait the exact amount of time to text back.
You want to wait close to an hour to respond with “haha”? Two can play that game, buddy.
16. This guy who considers anyone who scorned him dead.
I mean, they’re dead to him though, right? It’s easier to say than that they dumped you, and it has a better ring to it.
17. This sister who knows that the best way to get back at someone is to mess with their dental hygiene.
You mess with me, I mess with your toothbrush, ok?
18. These neighbors and their constant battle for peace.
If there was a competition for who could be most petty, these two would be top in the World Cup of Revenge.
19. This sad, hungry, passive-aggressive person who most likely doesn’t hope their mango tasted as good as they imagined.
I hope it was gross and rotten and also I hate you.
20. Finally, all of us who will happily cut people out of our lives over something totally petty.
Unfollowed me on Instagram? Don’t worry, I’ll just remember this for the rest of my life. Snip snip!
