There’s a bit of a thrill in having secrets , isn’t there? A small piece of information only you get to know, or maybe you and one other person. Some secrets, as thrilling as they are to keep, can also eat away at the one keeping it.
Thankfully for them, someone on Reddit asked people to share the “dirty lil secrets” they would never say aloud, and here are a collection of ’em.
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Hidden feelings.
“I’m in love with my roommate. He doesn’t know. We have been friends for about a year and I’ve just been crazy about him the whole time. The first thing he told me about romantic relationships is that he is not looking and is not interested. So I respect that boundary and don’t say anything.”
A second chance.
“I technically failed my Drivers Ed class, which I needed to pass so I can get a license in my state. I got one more question wrong that over a failing grade. The proctor told me ‘change the answer you got for no, 11, then bring it back up.’ I went back to my table and asked what everyone got for #11. They all gave the same answer so I thought it has to be right. So I changed my answer, took my test back up to the proctor and she said ‘congratulations, you passed drivers ed’.”
One point off.
“I got an $8,000 dollar scholarship, due to a clerical error, for having above a 3.7 GPA all semester but my GPA was actually 3.07.”
As long as you weren’t taking it from someone else, I consider this a victimless crime.
None the wiser.
“When I was a kid, my mom took away my favorite computer game CD for a few weeks as punishment for something I did. (Bad grade I think?) I found where she hid it, photocopied the CD label, cut out the print, glued it to a blank disk, and put that in the place of the real CD. (Surprisingly she never noticed! )I played it when no one else was home. [It’s] been 18 years, and I still haven’t told her!”
Giving it away.
“I lost the school spelling bee on purpose. The girl I was against put a lot of time and effort into it, whereas I basically just showed up. Plus, she was more on the nerdy side, not a lot going outside of school… and I felt she needed a victory. […] I missed one on purpose to give her the victory. She went on to the state competition.”
Kids will be kids.
“When our phone was disconnected (1990’s) for non-payment, I dialed 911 to see if they would still pick up (they did) but I hung up right away. Ten minutes later the cops showed up at my door, and I blamed it on the kids.”
A saving grace!
“I’d only just begun paying off a vehicle loan in mid-1999. My January payment was returned with the bank saying it was paid off. Not even close. Thanks Y2K.”
Into thin air.
“I never wrote my 7th grade science paper on Dysentery, and when my teacher asked me if I turned it in, I said yes. She looked through all of the papers and stacks of paperwork on her very crowded desk, and she said she ‘knew she saw it there somewhere.’ I got a B for a paper I never wrote. Sorry Ms. Weber.”
A generous soul.
“I know exactly the rules for helping the children in my public education classroom but I still bring cold kids coats, hungry kids food, kids with terrible shoes better shoes, and hugs/long conversations for any child that asks. If any admin is pissed I’m giving [an] apple and a sandwich to a kid, I claim ignorance, the school system is so strained they won’t fire me so I am doing what I can during this time.”
Little white lies.
“Cheated on my CV to add some skills and certificates I don’t have to match a Google position… but after 5 years I mastered all of them and became a team manager.”
Means to an end, you know? Not that I approve of people lying, but…you seem to have done fine!
A light load.
“I just graduated school and got a job at a big company in engineering. I spend a lot of time each day looking at memes, watching YouTube videos, etc… sometimes I do work.
They’ve told me I’m doing a good job so far.”
This feels very similar to the last one. Hey, as long as they like you!
Unusual suspect.
“In senior year of HS, I put a milk carton in the ceiling of a portable building right before spring break. When we came back from spring break, the classroom smelled like a rotting corpse. Some other kid that was a known prankster somehow got blamed and was suspended.”
A tiny criminal.
“It wasn’t raccoons that spilled that paint in the garage in 1993. It was me.”
If this is your most scandalous secret that you were prepared to take to your grave, you must be one of the purest souls out there.
Changing a life.
“I had a counselor who straight up turned some of my Ds to Bs when I changed schools before my senior year. I had a super rough home life and I told her about it when she asked why my test scores were very high and my grades were low. Thanks to her bumping up my GPA, I was able to get into college. I know it’s probably not ‘right’ and she risked her job, but that woman legit probably saved my life. I saw her about a year ago out in public and gave her the biggest hug.”
A quick detour.
“When I was a kid (17) I worked at a Greyhound station. I accidentally sent a woman to Salmo instead of Salmon Arm because I thought it just ran out of print space on the ticket/screen. I had never heard of Salmo back then. That woman had to spend an entire night in hells half acres, and lost an entire day of travel. My boss chalked it up to a “glitch” in their antiquated machine.
Really it was me.”
Friends looking out.
“Back in the day, my drunk friend wanted to do more shots of vodka, but put water in the shot glasses for her. She said that she couldn’t taste anything. I told her that after a while, her taste buds are messed up because she had too much to drink, but here ya go! Bottoms up!”
To this day.
“One time when I was 10-12 ish, I told a group of friends that I brushed my teeth with hot water instead of cold water (our cultural norm) just to seem quirky or cool, and man did it get the reaction I was hoping for. However, it was all a lie. I did brush with cold water. And this lie was too heavy for my pre-teen soul, so every day since then I have brushed my teeth with hot water, despite being 15 years older. I feel trapped in my hot teeth scrubbing sentence yet it feels right as a punishment for lying.”
No one needs to know.
“My freshman year of highschool, I ditched class so much that I flunked the year. I moved to a different town over the summer and somehow they lost my ‘permanent record’ in the mail. […] when the new school realized this, they called me in and asked what classes and grades I had, so I straight up lied my way out of having to retake freshman year.”
Paying it forward.
“My parents (who live across the country) send my 6-yr old daughter checks in the mail for her b-day, Christmas etc. They are elderly and don’t use Amazon – they’d rather she buy something that she really wants (and she enjoys the trips to the toy store).
So when a card arrives, I tell her Grandma and Grandpa sent her $50 or $100 and that she can buy a toy or something she wants with it.
My secret is that I pay for the toy and I deposit the check in the savings account I set up for her when she was born. She has a few thousand dollars in there now!”
A secret friend.
“I have a kitten I’m feeding without my wife’s knowledge. She hates cats and I found one on the street. Every night before I go home I stop by the store and get cat food. She always asks me why I come home late every other night. I say I’m working. Or out with the guys, but I sit and talk to this stray cat about my problems and how [my] day was. I named her [Senua]. From [Senua’s Sacrifice] .”
