As kids, the world is a place full of mysteries and generally strange things. Also, due to the fact that kids are yet to learn how to appropriately act in normal society, this can lead to kids quite innocently doing some things that, as adults, you will look back on and think, “Jesus what was I thinking?!”
One person took to Reddit to find out the strangest things that people had done as children, by asking, “What f*cked up thing did you do as a kid?”
The internet responded hard and fast, with people sharing some truly unsettling stories, the most unbelievable of which you will find below.
Peeing On Brother’s Bed
“I used to pee on my brothers bed in the mornings so I would get first crack at video games or tv while he helped clean up ‘his mess’.” — seatoc
This person posted an update to explain that they had made sure not to pee on their brother and aimed away from him. So, I guess that makes it fine? They have also apologized to their brother since, and the family have laughed about it.
How To Stop Your Mother Brushing Your Hair
“When I was 5 I had hair down to my butt. I was tired of my mom brushing it so I cut it all off and peed on it in a bucket.” — VeilOfMaya6
Well, that is one way to stop your mother brushing your hair I guess. I mean, it’s quite a severe response but it gets the job done.
Wishing Death Upon Someone
“I was absolutely terrible to the first man my mom dated after she and my father split. Really terrible. I once told the man, in the middle of dinner and apropos of nothing, that I hated him and hoped he died in a car wreck on the way home. Said calmly, with a straight face. That man did nothing wrong, was always good to me. I still feel terrible about it more than 20 years later.” — that-1-chick-u-know
This person went on to write that they were around 13 when this occurred. They did also explain that many years later they bumped into the man at a gas station and apologized for their attitude when they were a kid.
Delivering Dead Animals
“My friends and I were out riding our bikes and saw a dead squirrel in the road. Kid logic said picking that carcass up with some sticks, carrying it to a random front step and doing a ding ding ditch was a good idea. About a week later we notice a for sale sign in that house.
“To this day I’m suspicious this poor family thought they were being targeted by some sociopath and noped the f*ck out of there.” — AssumeItsSarcastic
Sheesh, some people just can’t handle dead animals being delivered to their doors these days. I mean, come on, grow up!
Peeing In A Water Pistol
“My older brother pissed me off so I pissed in a super soaker.” — cpaul420
It is quite unbelievable how many situations children think can be solved with urine.
Misusing Words
“In 1991, after seeing Mike Tyson getting arrested on the news, I asked my dad what ‘rape’ was, and he told me it meant ‘hurting a girl’. So you can picture 7-8 year old me, running to the teacher to say stuff like ‘Teacher, come! Jack, John, and George are raping Molly on the playground!’, or threatening my classmates with rape if they were annoying me (boys included, cos I thought this way I was also insulting them by calling them ‘girls’).
“The final straw for the teacher was when two kids in my classroom were fighting and I teased one of them with a sarcastic tone: ‘Oh poor you, you don’t like getting raped?’. The teacher ran towards me, like ‘what did you just say?’. So I explained to her, still teasing him: ‘Well, Ms. Sarah: he’s like a girl, so we rape him instead of hitting him!’ — murderofasacredbeer
Making It Snow Indoors
“Threw 2 big bags of hamster bedding through my fan and acted like a news forecaster and acted like it was snowing and parents woke up to my room being covered in over an inch of bedding… needless to say I didn’t own the hamster anymore” — Brutus9134
When I first read this I thought that this kid’s parents had killed the hamster; however, thankfully they said it was just relocated to another family.
The Sewing Machine Disaster
“My cousin and I were like 7ish or so and playing upstairs in a room by ourselves. My aunt left her sewing machine in there ready to go. We were fascinated by how fast the needle moved up and down when we stepped on the foot pedal. Then we had the idea to see who could get their finger out of the way before the needle started moving. He went. Safe. I went. Safe. He went. Blood shot out and screaming commenced.” — DaShMa_
I’m kind of amazed that someone would leave a sewing machine like that plugged in and ready to go when there are kids around. If there’s one thing kids love, it’s an easy way to cause themselves immense physical harm.
Lying About A Teacher’s Abusive Actions
“When I was in second grade I said my teacher was stabbing kids with pencils. The others were brought in one at a time and questioned. This did not happen and I remember the teacher fondly and have no idea why I did it.” — Picklesnwhiskey
Hopefully this teacher did not face any consequences as a result of this. Lying about this kind of thing can irrevocably damage a person’s career and life.
Drinking Toilet Water
“I made my brother and his friends a jug of kool-aid with water from the toilet” — basillemonaid
This one made me bawk at the very idea of it. I can’t even drink water out of the bathroom taps as it makes me feel sick. Hopefully, this person’s friends never found out about this.
Leaving Traps
“I thought it would be a great practical joke to bury a corn holder, small handle with two sharp prongs to hold corn on the cob, pointy side up in my yard and wait for someone to step on it.
“Of course, being a kid, after all, I lost interest after a time and forgot. Sometime later in the summer, while walking barefoot, yes, I stepped on it. F*ck that hurt. Learned a valuable lesson about practical jokes.” — phil8248
Whispering Into Abusive Parent’s Ears
“My stepmom was abusive to me so when she’d fall asleep I’d say mean things to her hoping she’d hear it in her dreams. More stupid than f*cked up.” — aground96
This one is absolutely heartbreaking. According to another comment this person wrote, their grandfather eventually found out about the abuse and confronted the stepmother and father, and this person went to live with their mother instead.
Losing $30,000
“I stole my dead maternal grandmother’s 30k engagement ring and lost it on the playground when I was 6 years old while my parents were losing the house. I liked holding shiny things and I forgot about it. We were basically almost homeless because of what I did. Dark thoughts…” — Starstainedheights
I think that really your parents should have kept there eyes on a ring worth $30, 000 while there was a child around. Kids are known to want to play with shiny things, and not shiny things, and just general things.
Sleeping With A Snowperson
“When I was 13 the blizzard of 93 rolled through holding me captive for 2 weeks indoors with my family. I was lonely, horny and hadn’t seen a female in 2 whole weeks. I was dying to get out of the house one day when I had one of the most brilliant ideas. I made my way to the woods behind my house, climbed down into a gully. In that gully is where I made her, a snow woman.
“She was amazing. I sculpted her out of snow covering the ground so I could lay on top of her. I gave her some boobs, some curves, and a hole and for some reason, a smile and two rocks for eyes to gaze into. I removed my gloves, unzipped and got busy. When I finished, I brushed myself off and erased her. Climbed out of the gully, through the woods and back inside to my room and listened to counting crows for an hour or so.” — Ecstatictobehere
And there it is ladies and gentleman, the most lonely story ever told.
Stealing A Christmas Tree
“I helped a Jewish kid steal a Christmas tree. He complained his family never had a Christmas tree.” — Redkachowski
A lot of people were very confused as to how children managed to steal a whole tree. Apparently, the tree was in a back yard, so they just took it when no one was in the house.
If you have any strange things that you did as a child, be sure to let me know in the comments!
Riding Their Friends Around Like A Donkey For Answering Questions Wrong
“My sister and I would ask our friends a question. If they answered wrong we would be like ‘you dumbass donkey!’ And ride the person while making donkey noises saying ‘walk donkey! You stupid ass!’ And so on. A friend once said New York was the capital of the States and we rode him for half an hour.” — SunnyCarol
This person went on to write that they would literally tackle the person to the ground in order to “ride” them. They also did this from the age of 6 up until they were 13!
Playing With Fire
“When I was 11, my friend and I soaked a tennis ball in gasoline and lit it on fire and with gloves on tossed it around with my friend. Just cause.
“Ended up throwing it to him in an arc and he missed and it slid down his chest, leaving an on fire gasoline trail on his shirt. Had 1st-degree burns and we really got in trouble for that one.” — TriscuitCracker
Why is it that kids like playing with fire? Is it the danger of it all or just stupidity?
Making “Chocolate Popcorn”
“When I was around 7 I sh*t in a cup and gave it to my brother (who was in high school) to eat it and told him it was ‘chocolate popcorn’. Long story short… he did not eat it.” — CoolDog_04
You’d have to be some level of dense to eat that! The very thought of this makes me shudder uncontrollably.
Trying To Poison Their Mom’s Boyfriend
“I tried to poison my mom’s boyfriend. I was probably around 11. I had one of those science kits from the Scholastic book fair. I took the citric acid and dumped the whole container into his drink. He sipped it and just said, ‘this tastes like shit’ and dumped it out lol” — Zipperpants
I mean, it might taste bad and give you a bit of heartburn but I don’t think citric acid will kill you.
Match-Licker
“I liked the smell of old school matches when struck…wood with red-blue tip…so I secretly ate the tips…not quite like lollipop…what did my folks think with all these tipless? matches… dunno.” -truthehat
Polly Want A Cracker?
“Accidentally killed our pet bird because I was trying to keep it warm essentially and ended up suffocating it. Ugh, I regret it honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking.” -BestB0i9
Testing 1 2 3
“When I was being tested autism I bit the doctor doing the testing. Needless to say, I was diagnosed.” -lordspammington
Hit The Nail Right On The Head
“Once when I was around 7, I stick a nail out of the ground to see who would step on it. It was my 5-6-year-old brother. I even remember thinking ‘I need to keep in mind where that is. I don’t want to step on it, that would hurt!'” -FnafAndUnderTaleFan
The Gallows
“Made a bunch of small nooses and hung all of my friend’s sister’s Barbies from the ceiling of the basement.” -IHaveButt
Junk In The Trunk
“When I was like 8-10 my parents left me in the car for 5 minutes to pick something up at the store. I thought it would be funny to hide in the trunk. They got back to the car and, lo and behold, started freaking out that I was gone. I held my position for a while, first because I thought it was super funny, and then because I realized it was super not. I finally popped out in shame. They kept asking why I did that and I still have no idea.” -togapartywalkofshame
Fraud
“Pretty embarrassing to think back on this… When I was about 7 or so I acquired a roll of raffle tickets. Like a 1000 roll from a fair.
Came up with some fake raffle and started selling them in my neighborhood door to door for like 50 cents each. Still, don’t remember why 7 yr old me was so strapped for cash and I can bet the raffle terms were changing door to door. One of my victims called up my mom and let them know something suspicious was going on so she come gets me by the sideburns and we emptied the shoebox of loot and had to give it all back and say sorry.” -DunkDaMonk
Got Milk?
“This one has been haunting me for years. When I was little my mom was breastfeeding my little sister and I asked, ‘Can I have some?'” -TheGoldenCow007
Fibber
“I convinced my best friend at age 10 that the watermelon seed that she eaten would grow in her belly, giving her a watermelon baby. She cried.
I also convinced two boys (age 12) that they were colorblind. They were not.” -Human-inspector
Love Birds
“Going on a date with my teacher in 2nd grade.” -Bioborn_Rector
The Mouse
“My pet mouse died and, terrified that I would get in trouble for it I placed its body in a small wooden Bocce box, hid it in my cupboard and just straight up ignored the reek of death for a solid week.
Went to my friend’s for a sleepover and got an awkward call from my mum about why there was a stanky mouse corpse in the cupboard.
She felt so flabbergasted I never got in trouble.” -Squeekazu
Nine Lives
“I use to throw my cats off our deck to see if they would land on their feet. There were trees and bushes below our deck as it was on a hill and high up. The sounds they made as they were falling thru the trees and hitting them. I was a jerk when I was little. Feel so bad about it now when I think about it.” -redf1re11
Subtle Pooping
“When I was like 9 my family and I were eating breakfast at the table and I needed to poop badly but held it in for a bit, then I got up and dropped a little sample on the floor through my pants, somehow nobody saw. If they did I would have just said the dog pooped on the floor.” -The_Last_Word777
The Lollipop
“Me and my friend were walking around the block and found one of those giant colorful lollipop on the street, laying near the sewer. We were so excited, we pick it up, went to my house and washed it off with the water hose. Invited all the neighborhood kids to swim in my blowup pool and “play doctor,” which meant I held the giant lollipop and my friends would line up to tell me their “ailments” and as a doctor, I would prescribe them one lick from the sacred all-healing lollipop.
So we all shared this nasty random lollipop we found on the street near the sewer grate.” -yeehawmeemaw
Superhero Landing
“I jumped from the 1st-floor balcony to make a “superhero” landing, in order to impress a girl.
I was 7 at that time. She did become my girl (now ex, hehe ), and that left a mark on my knee and forehead.” -Faraday_everyday
An Eye For An Eye
“We took an eyeball of a cow we were dissecting and smuggled it out of biology class and dropped it in the 1/2 gallon bin of ranch dressing at the cafeteria salad bar.” -DrAversion
Superglue
“We would superglue sh*t to the lunch table. Lunch trays. Quarters, anything.” -shawnglade
Creative Haircut
“Lit someone’s hair on fire accidentally when I got a candle too close to the edge of her hair. In my defense, she was probably wearing half the hairspray bottle.” -OldMackysBackInTown
Light The Night
“We used to soak toilet paper rolls from construction sites in gas, then light them on fire and kick them around at night. Was pretty awesome.” -cjr71244
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No Witnesses
“Pooped my pants when I was like 5. Didn’t want to tell anyone, so I dropped it in the heater duct in my room. House got sold and we moved away not long after” — madzev
What an absolutely lovely surprise for that new family. There’s nothing quite like moving into a new home and finding all of the mystery poop left for you by the previous tenants.
