Much like how wild birds puff up and show off their colorful feathers during mating season, we too employ odd methods to try and attract the people we like like .
I couldn’t tell you how many obscure Russian films I’ve watched just to impress some philosophy masters student with a really nice aquarium. We’ve all got our things.
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The people of the internet recently swarmed Reddit to share the oddest, dumbest, and most painfully unappreciated things they’ve done to try and impress someone else. I may know how to count to ten in Russian for no reason, but you’ll soon agree that at least I’m not these folks.
Dancing Queen
“I was abroad in Dominican Republic, they had a dance competition on a stage, anyone could enter and it had around 200 people watching,” one man explains, “I was about 9-10 ish and spotted a cute girl who must’ve been around 14-15, So obviously I decided the best way to get her attention was to get up on stage and dance my heart out.
Queue 3 minutes of awkward shuffling, while maintaining constant eye contact with that girl, and horrified/queasy looks from my parents. The coordinator cut me off early by pretending the speaker stopped working. I got a pity clap.”
Don’t You Put It In Your Mouth
“When I was a teen I took Tae Kwon Do classes and there were 2 beautiful girls around my age,” this guy writes, “They liked to go and have a smoke behind the mall before class and I wanted to be cool and impress them so I took up smoking too.
When we came back after a smoke we started doing our warm up laps and I felt very queasy, I threw up all over the glass wall where the cashiers and several people eating looked on in horror.”
Sonic
“I bought a hedgehog off someone to give to her, but her parents said no,” one user writes, “I ended up keeping him and he was the sweetest boy. Lived for 7 years!”
Pantsed
“Getting up from the bleachers to play PE dodge ball, I tried to pull my sweat pants off while yelling ‘LET’S DO THIS!,” one guy admits, “Ended up yanking off everything, boxers and all.”
Old News
“I lied and said i had experience in journalism (because i didn’t think we’d have anything except a brief encounter) when I’d actually only taken one class in college,” one girl writes, “Our first date he took me with to report on a local clash between police and citizens and I got tear gassed and robbed.”
Cool Kids
“In elementary school when I walked by this girl I liked I would pretend to chew gum and crack my knuckles cause I thought I’d look ‘cool,'”, a user writes, “Jesus.”
Break A Leg
“I tried out for an 8th grade school musical because a buddy of mine asked if I liked theater and I liked him,” one guy explains, “I got the lead role and then I spent four years of high school pretending I liked theater.”
Oui Oui
“Signed up for a french class in high school because a girl I like was in one,” this guy admits, “Turns out she was into me too, but I signed up for French 1 when she was already in it and the following year she was in French 2 and I was sitting all alone in French 1 in a class I didn’t care about.”
No Ragrets
“Got a tattoo to impress a girl in my psych class,” this guy writes, “It did nothing and now I have a piece by a guy named Philly Steve on my leg forever. Call me if you see this, Ashley.”
The Last Straw
“In elementary school, I was somewhat of a ladies man. One time at lunch, I thought ‘Hey maybe if I shove this straw up my nose, all the girls will think it’s funny'” one man explains, “Then proceeded to do so. 10 seconds later, there was blood all over my food because of a bloody nose and I had to be escorted to the nurse. Had to see a specialist for a few months afterwards. Lesson learned.”
Holy Water
“I pretended to like going to church, joined the youth group band and got baptized,” one guy says, “I had a huge crush on her lol. She ended up going to prom with me then never talked to me again.”
Hit The Floor
“When I was in 4th grade I did this thing where I’d increase the blood pressure in my head and my face would turn purple and people thought it was cool,” one user writes, “Was doing it to try and impress some girl I had a crush on and ended up fainting/passing out (didn’t know that was possible at the time). Teacher came by and asked me to stop lying on the floor.”
Oh Canada
“I memorized the Canadian national anthem because she was Canadian,” one girl admits, “Obviously, she didn’t care.”
Only The Essentials
“There’s a woman at my work whose big into natural medicine and oils and such,” one man explains, “Last week she was scratching her arms so I told her to rub Milk of Magnesia on them.
I’d meant Aloe Vera though, and not what I’d said (which is a natural laxative).”
Spill The Beans
“I started dating this guy on OKCupid who was a total coffee snob,” one woman writes, “I like coffee and had an espresso machine, but wasn’t super hardcore about it. I ended up buying a very fancy burr grinder and french press to ensure that I never served him sub optimal coffee. He never even came to my apartment.”
The Great Outdoors
“Told my crush I loved camping and hiking,” one user writes, “Screamed during the night when moths flew into the tent. Sat in poison ivy peeing on a side of a trail and needed cortisone for my flaming under carriage. A woodland nymph, I was not.”
The Pam To My Jim
“Marathoned the Office in 10 days to impress my crush at a trivia night she invited me to,” this guy writes, “She didn’t show up.”
Four Eyes
“In elementary school I liked a girl with glasses, and didn’t want her to feel like an out cast,” this guy shares, ” so I full on would come home from school every day and stare right into a light bulb to try to damage my eyes and need glasses.”
Monkey See Monkey Do
“Dating a gymnast in high school,” this guy writes, “We go to a park and I see parallel bars that are designed for stretching but I’m convinced I can do a handstand on them because I’m awesome. She keeps insisting they are too far apart but I don’t listen.
Attempt said handstand, they were indeed too far apart so I collapse down jamming my chest past my hands and strain/tear all the ligaments holding my chest muscles to my breastbone.
Good times were not had later or for a long while after.”
Pick Up Four
“I intentionally threw multiple games of Uno to let a girl think she was amazing at the game,” one user writes, ” It got me a few extra dates at least.”
So You’re A Tough Guy
“When I was 15, I dropped a heavy book on my head. It was this old dictionary: a single volume that was easily 8” thick and probably weighed 15 lbs,” one user shares, “I laid down on the floor, held it over my head with my arms fully extended, and dropped it the foot and a half right onto my forehead.
I guess I though it would show how tough I was? I was not tough. It sorta worked because I dated her until freshman year of college. But that was likely in spite of my actions and not because of them.”
Snow White
“When I first got with my (now husband) I wanted a change so I dyed my hair jet black,” this woman explains, “I’m very, very white. I don’t know why, but I used the boxed dye on my eyebrows too! I looked like a freak and I thought it was so cute and he’d love it.”
When The Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie
“He mentioned he liked this little independently owned pizza place across town,” one girl writes, “We were in college and I didn’t have a car, so I took a bus across town to pick up this pizza and bring it to our informal club meeting.
Took like an hour round trip on the bus with a giant 18” pizza, and it was definitely cold by the time I got there.
Offered him some and he turned it down— I later learned that he was a super picky eater and didn’t like any of the toppings I got. One of my friends helped me eat the pizza.”
C You Later
“Sat next to a girl I really liked in high school calc, she would get upset because I’d get As on tests and she kept getting Cs,” this guy writes, “So I decided to get a C on purpose on the next test. We got them back and I was all excited to show her, but she got hers back and she failed. Like below 50% failed.
She wasn’t impressed with my C and neither were my parents.”
Oceans Apart
“She was one of my roommates. We were moving out of our house,” this guy writes, “I had my pack all loaded up.
She asked where I was going and I didn’t have anywhere to go really. So I did the smart thing and said I was hitchhiking to Mexico and she was invited.”
Class Clown
I was flirting in class and I asked what school she went to,” one user writes, “Not my best moment.”
Baby Spice
“High school beach party. Was trying to impress the whole class and a specific chic,” one guy writes, “Someone brought spicy wings, I said “this isn’t spicy” and got some bird’s eye chilis, chopped a couple of it and dropped in a bowl of soy garlic dip sauce, picked up a wing and gave it a good dip and ate it. Face got number and lips swollen and almost fainted.”
Here Comes The Sun
“I was a teenager, in high school and my crush walked up next to me while I was going through my bag, the sun was in my eyes and I had a crazy thought that having the sun in my eyes would make me look beautiful,” one girl shares, “He walked away after two seconds and I had a black spot in my eye for two days.”
Too Cool 4 School
“First grade. Dropped a pencil under my desk just so I could bend down and smash my head off the desk coming back up to make a girl laugh,” one user writes, “Teacher was not impressed and I was sent to the office.”
Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls
“Went diving off a waterfall with him,” this girl shares, “I couldn’t swim.”
Outside The Lines
“In fifth grade I walked up to the most popular girl in school in the cafeteria, pulled out a red crayon, and ate it.
I was sure she’d be impressed and want to go steady, but our relationship never recovered.”
It’s Not Easy Being Green
“I requested my retainers be bright green, my crushes favorite color,” one user writes, “They ended up being snot colored green with glitter.”
Color Me Intrigued
“The guy I was seeing went on a vacation with his family for 2 weeks, and I had the key to his place to feed his cat,” one girl explains, “While he was gone, I painted his bathroom. He thought it was weird, but seemed mostly okay with it.”
Flippin’ Cool
“I tried to do a back flip on my Razor scooter, even though I’ve never actually done a back flip before, not even on a trampoline,” one guy writes, “It didn’t end well. I got up, covered in blood and glass, grabbed my scooter and hobbled away to the nearest alleyway.”
Just Keep Swimming
“I was in New Zealand, was going to a beach party with some girls from the hostel I was staying at,” this man explains , “To get to the party, you needed to take a $2 ferry across this inlet which was about 1 km wide. I decided to swim it, to impress the ladies.
About halfway through I realize that I’m slowly being swept out to sea and I’m losing strength. I’m not sure how, but eventually I made it to the other shore. Turns out, the $2 was for a round trip, and I still had to pay $2 to get back once the party was over.”
