You’ve likely noticed in recent years that small aspects of parenting that many once didn’t think much about have grown into battlegrounds.
And a lot of that had to do with the transition between traditional authority-driven parental styles and newer ideas of working with your children to develop a style that makes sense for them.
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While traditionalists tend to think that deviating from the norms they grew up with will prevent a child from learning right from wrong, others have come around to the opinion that the way things worked in past generations leave a lot to be desired in what they prioritized and in what needed to be enforced .
These battles often happen over how children express their genders, the level of affection they should show to other family members, and whether their behavior should be punished.
And in the case of one mom’s conflict with her own mother, it seems they can’t agree on all three of these considerations.
When it comes to parenting her five-year-old daughter and three-year-old son, one mom made it clear that she doesn’t believe in punishing them.
Although commenters bristled when she said she ignores bad behavior in a Reddit post , she meant that she’d say something like “You hit mommy, I don’t want to be near you right now. That hurt” to her daughter while encouraging her more positive behavior on other occasions.
This is a parenting style that professionals have recommended to her and it’s one that she’s said has largely nipped harmful behavior at the bud.
In addition to that, she says she gives them full control over their bodies, meaning that they can wear whatever they’re comfortable with and don’t have to hug people they don’t want to.
This meant that her daughter was allowed to shave her head and that both had some freedom as to what formal attire they wore to their aunt’s wedding.
As the mom put it, “My daughter wore a suit and my son wore a dress, which upset pretty much everyone.”
However, one person who wasn’t upset by this was the actual bride. While she would have preferred the daughter wear a dress, she and the mom came to a compromise once she learned of the daughter’s personal reasons for not wanting to.
As for the son, the bride actually suggested the dress because she figured it fit his role as flower boy better anyway.
But while other members of the woman’s family are less understanding about her choices, they’re a particular problem for her mother.
She doesn’t like how they aren’t made to hug her and continues to buy her granddaughter more traditionally feminine clothes and the grandson traditionally masculine toys. Neither of these gifts are wanted or used by the children.
In addition to feeling as though her daughter is driving a wedge between her and her grandchildren, she also went as far as to call the woman neglectful.
As the mom wrote, “Apparently they’ll never grow up and will be bullied in school, and become ‘snowflakes’. She also claims they’ll become badly behaved once they grow up.”
This led her to wonder if she was truly driving the wedge her mother said she was by not changing how she parents her children.
And while the consensus was that her mother had no say over her parenting style, that’s not to suggest that the matter wasn’t hotly debated.
Some traditionalists felt that they children would be unprepared for society if they weren’t directly punished for bad behavior or brought up to wear their traditional formal wear at weddings.
As one user said , “There’s a time and place for that, and events like weddings aren’t it. Suck it up and wear gender conforming clothing for 4 hours, it’s not going to kill you.”
However, others felt that both the grandmother and these commenters were holding onto the past and acting like they knew they children in this story.
In the words of another person, “She just doesn’t like that you’re deviating from the norm, and frankly that’s her problem. Times they are a changin momma, the way of the future is treating kids as human beings with individual opinions and needs.”
Another addressed their peers more directly, saying , “Yeah… so let’s keep perpetuating outdated gender norms and never make process because -checks notes- adults are too easily distracted at a wedding.”
h/t: Reddit | wubaiaoa
