It seems that no matter how much moms speak out against it, there’s always going to be someone out there who’s first inclination is to mom-shame them.
Since everyone is a little different, it’s unclear whether a given person engaging in this activity is taking out their own insecurities on a stranger or just refusing to acknowledge that different parenting styles exist. But regardless of the reason for it, it remains a persistent problem .
But while it’s annoying to receive this kind of treatment online, it can cause much more of a headache when it spreads into the family.
When one mom started to have children, this decision was based on an agreement between her and her husband.
As she wrote in a Reddit post , she has always been passionate about her career and was hesitant to have children until this agreement, which held that he would be the one to stay at home and care for them if needed.
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At this point, she’s had a one-year-old son and is pregnant with another child, but since they moved across the country for her job, it is only recently that her husband’s family or friends have been around for one of her pregnancies.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and will love the new baby too but I really have no interest in staying home with my children,” she wrote.
So when the couple got together with a group of the friends, they had their first chance to congratulate her.
One of these friends who she called “Amy” does not have children and remained noticeably quiet during this part. And when a group of women present gathered with the mom later on, Amy talked about how wonderful it is to be a mom and to be pregnant.
While some of the other women agreed, the mom didn’t say anything and when Amy prompted her, she admitted that she neither enjoyed pregnancy nor the “baby stage” of motherhood.
Although she’s happy to be having another child and expects to love her new baby as she does her son, she’s not looking forward to having to take time off work and stay home during “the baby stage.”
This led some of the women present to both suggest she doesn’t love her children and try to diagnose her with postpartum depression.
They also said she “won’t be any good to her children if she’s depressed.” In response, she insisted that she felt fine and that not loving either of the stated parts of motherhood hasn’t stopped her from being a good mother.
In her words, “Amy started crying because she has struggled with infertility and there is no justice since ‘people like me’ get to have 2 kids while she has none.”
While she expressed sympathy for this struggle, the mom said she was just honestly answering Amy’s question.
However, it seems that this has since gotten back to her in-laws, who both thought she was in the wrong for what she said and seemed to want to try their own amateur postpartum depression diagnosis.
As she put it, “They are horrified that I do not plan to take more than a few weeks off and that I am ‘forcing my husband’ to do most of the childcare.”
Although the husband explained that this wasn’t a fair characterization of the situation, it didn’t seem to matter.
But when she came to Reddit with this dilemma, they found these friends’ and in-laws’ position pretty preposterous.
As one user said , “Loving your children and loving being pregnant are two different things!! Don’t listen to them, they are not in your marriage. Do what works for YOUR family.”
This sentiment was echoed by a woman in a similar situation to Amy, who said, “You can hate being pregnant and the baby stage and that doesn’t make you a bad mom.”
Some were also concerned by the implication that a stay-at-home dad must’ve have been forced into that position.
In the words of one user, “If they think you’re ‘forcing’ your husband to be a parent and handle childcare, when he was insistent on having kids, then they have a sexism problem.”
What do you think? Let us know in the comments!
h/t: Reddit | Ambivalent_Mom12
