There are many milestones that babies will have in their early months that new parents want to be present for. From first smiles and laughs, to first steps and crawling, parents want to witness and be there for the big ones.
This goes for decisions and choices for the baby, too.
Both parents usually want to be involved in the decision-making process of their child, too. Even if it means something that doesn’t seem like a big deal to one party.
Recently, a new mom wrote into Reddit sparking a debate about her husband’s choice.
The 23-year-old new mom wrote into Reddit’s popular “Am I the Asshole?” community asking if she’s wrong for cursing out her husband after he made a rash decision without her.
Apparently, her husband wanted to get their daughter’s ears pierced.
The mom, however, did not want to get them done.
“I’m personally against babies getting their ears pierced for a variety of different reasons. It causes pain for no reason, you have to take care of it to avoid infection, the ears are still growing, etc,” she wrote.
The mom said the two argued quite a bit about it.
Apparently, her husband continued to pester her about getting their daughter’s ears pierced, saying his sisters had them as babies and they were perfect. But, the wife continued to say no.
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Then, the mom had to go stay with her own father to help him for a few days.
“About a week ago, I had to go stay with my Dad for a few days to help him with something. My husband works from home, so he stayed with our daughter until I got back,” she wrote.
When she came home, she was in for a big surprise.
Her husband had decided to go forth and get their daughter’s ears pierced while she was gone. Needless to say, this mom was ticked off.
The husband still thought she would “love them” and “change her mind.”
“I cussed him out and told him that he had no right to go against me like that. He got mad and said that she’s his daughter too, that I need to be more open-minded and stop being such a prude. I took out the earrings and now neither of us are speaking to each other,” she wrote.
The mom asked the Reddit community if she’s the one who is wrong.
Many agreed with the mom’s reaction.
“Pierced ears are a one-parent automatic veto deal: if one of you doesn’t want to make alterations to your kid’s body, even relatively benign and/or reversible ones, then it shouldn’t be happening.
The fact he went behind your back is very not okay, and I think you two need to get to counseling to sort out why he thought it would be,” one person wrote.
Some users thought the dad’s logic should be used against him.
“He put holes in your daughter’s ears because he thought it would be the perfect accessory? You should pierce one of his body parts and see if he changes his mind when he sees how pretty it is,” one user said.
Even people who had their own ears pieced at a young age were against this dad’s choice.
“I had my ears pierced at a young age and I’m glad that I did because I don’t remember it at all lol. BUT it’s a decision that both parents have to make so OP is [not the asshole] and her husband should have consulted her and reached a compromise instead of doing it out of the blue,” another user commented.
Piercing a baby’s ears is tradition in some cultures.
However, even those who follow this tradition thought this dad was still in the wrong for acting behind his wife’s back.
“I come from a culture where babies getting their ears pierced is the norm so I don’t really get the fuss over being against it, but that’s just cultural differences, I guess. Either way, you didn’t want to get her ears pierced, so your husband going behind your back to do it is definitely [asshole] behavior,” one person said.
Many users wondered how this couple’s relationship can come back after something like this.
The mom confirmed in a comment that she’s having trouble trusting her husband after this incident.
“Right now we’re both very cold towards each other, he seems to feel like I disrespected his role as a father, which I wasn’t trying to do,” she said.
Overall, others said that children have the right to make the choice to pierce their ears, not the parents.
“She is a literal infant. This is not an accessory. This is HER body and should be HER choice. She is too young to even voice an opinion on this. He did a painful and permanent modification of her body when she could not consent to it,” one person added.
Who is in the wrong here, mom or dad?
