Having a baby is supposed to be an exciting and beautiful moment in a new mother’s life. The joys of being a mother are something that many women look forward to.
But, as so it happens, when it comes to logistics like choosing a name and how a child is raised, many family members tend to think it’s their place to step in and get involved.
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Many people like to choose names for their children that reflect someone special in their lives.
“Naming a baby after someone” is something that people in many different cultures do.
However, sometimes, someone gets offended if they’re not selected to be the one the baby is named after.
Recently, a new mother wrote into Reddit seeking advice after her mother-in-law was “offended” by the name she chose for her daughter.
The mother, who is already going through a difficult time having her first baby in the midst of COVID-19, asked if she was “wrong” for choosing a baby name that “offended” her MIL.
The mother shared that her daughter’s name is “Fiona Anne.”
She said she chose “Anne” in honor of her own grandmother.
However, her MIL is completely beside herself over the choice of her granddaughter’s middle name.
Apparently, “Anne” is the MIL’s sworn enemy.
“Anne was the name of someone in her past who she was deeply hurt and betrayed by, and I guess she still holds onto that grudge. She said she would be just as hurt if we went along with our plan to include Anne in our daughter’s name,” the mother wrote.
When the MIL first brought it up, the Reddit user said she thought, “…she would get over it.”
“At the time I was very pregnant and pissed off and sassy, and I pretty much told her she’d have to get over it, and be excited for new context to be added to the name. And that was that… until my daughter was born,” she added.
Now, the MIL refuses to talk to the couple and will not address the situation at all.
“Now she will not talk to us. She has blocked my number. When I try to text her baby pictures, they are never ‘delivered’. She has been talking to people close to us about how hurt she is. She will not directly address this with us, but we have heard from my brother and sister in-laws that my MIL is beside herself over this,” she wrote.
Apparently, her MIL thinks it was a “power move” on her DIL’s part.
“She thinks I chose the name on purpose as some kind of a power move, or slight to her, which is just not true. All I wanted was to include my grandmother’s name in my daughter’s name because that’s always been important to me,” she said.
Unanimously, Reddit said that this mother is nowhere near wrong and that the MIL is overstepping.
“It’s a middle name, for heaven’s sake. Your MIL has the association, not you or your husband (I assume). If she’s willing to throw away a relationship with her grandchild and her son because of a name association, she’s got some seriously disordered thinking,” one person said.
Some people said that it’s not the name that matters.
“One of my brothers is named after his jerkwad father who cheated, lied and tried to steal from pretty much all of us. It’s also the first name of Captain America. Steve isn’t the issue, the person behind the name is what is important,” one person pointed out.
Others said that grudges are just toxic.
“MIL is being very immature. I’m reminded of the saying ‘holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,'” someone advised.
Many said that the husband should be jumping in as well.
“She sounds like a completely self-centered whacko, and probably someone you are better off not having in your life.
“That said, how does your husband feel about all this? She is his mother; this sounds like an issue he should be dealing with, not you. Is he sticking up for you, or just hiding in the weeds and making you duke it out alone?” someone asked on the thread.
One person did say that it’s only up to the Reddit user and her husband on what they want to name their child.
“This is her problem in not dealing with or being able to separate that name from her own trauma. You are not responsible for stepping on eggshells when it’s something she needs to deal with. Her decision will keep her from enjoying this new life. Sticking to your wishes for your own reasons no matter what they are, doesn’t make you an asshole. This decision is for you and your partner alone,” they said.
Many people said that this MIL needs to let go of the past and move on.
“If your MIL is that petty and vindictive over something someone else did to her years ago that she refuses to have a relationship with you or her grandchild then she doesn’t deserve to be a grandmother,” another wrote.
Also, some pointed out that her MIL is totally gaslighting her.
“Ignore the whiny baby MIL’s temper tantrum, and don’t let her gaslight you by claiming you’re the one who pulled a power move when that’s clearly what she is trying to do,” they said.
Overall, it seemed that no one on Reddit wanted to side with the MIL.
Everyone on Reddit said that, truly, this mom is NOT the asshole in this situation and instead, suggested that she completely cut ties with this MIL.
What do you think?
