Life can be tough. There are a lot of challenges that everyone has to face on a daily basis, and those challenges can sometimes be quite scary. For men and women, the challenges can vary.
One person took to Reddit to ask, “Men of Reddit, what’s a thing that can be scary about being a man?” The responses varied wildly, with some people sharing some very deep-rooted fears that society needs to address as a whole.
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So, here are a collection of the most shocking and tragic stories that people had to share.
People Assuming You Are A bad Person
“Being seen as a child predator simply for being a man near children. Whenever I see a child that might be lost, I need to remind myself not to help no matter how much I want to because ‘strange man approaching child’ looks bad to too many people.
“One day, while shopping with my wife, I noticed a small child without her mother who seemed upset. Ignoring my usual restraint, I approached her to see if she was alright. All of a sudden, her mother emerged from behind a corner, called her over, and gave me a nasty look. I guarantee that had my wife been the one approaching this little girl, she would have been seen as ‘caring and motherly’, not ‘evil person who wants to snatch a small child for perverted reasons.'” — TechyDad
This can be particularly heartbreaking for parents with small children of their own. The assumption of something so evil can really cut deep.
The Loneliness
“It is terrifying how lonely middle age is. I can absolutely understand why so many middle-aged men commit suicide. I’m actually trying hard to get out and meet people, but it’s difficult. I’m an outgoing guy, and it is hard to form friendships with other guys. Then I imagine how all the socially awkward men just don’t even bother anymore.” — Raven_skies
When you’re younger you are naturally surrounded by so many opportunities to meet new people and make new friends. However, as you get older it can be difficult, and you can feel more self-conscious. Feeling lonely can take a severely negative toll on your mental health as well.
Being Expected To Make The First Move
“Being expected to make the first move always gets me super anxious. I hate the idea of misreading a situation or making a woman uncomfortable, so I tend to ‘disregard’ a lot of obvious hints when I first start seeing someone.” — Delidas
I hate that some people still have a negative view of women who make the first move in a relationship, it is ridiculous. If you’re a confident person, regardless of gender, then you should feel able to make the first move.
Not Being Believed About Sexual Abuse
“Being in an abusive relationship and sexually harassed and not having people take you seriously about it” — Alexexy
A lot of men opened up about their experiences with this sort of thing. Abuse can take a variety of forms, and there is no shame in being a man and asking for help. However, sadly, some men feel too judged by society to come forward about this sort of thing.
“Man Up”
“Being told to ‘Man up’ when you’re having a terrible day.” — dazedan_confused
This was one of the most popular answers. There were hundreds of men sharing stories of when they were struggling with their mental health yet heard only “man up” from their coworkers, friends, and even family. Just because someone is a man doesn’t mean that they are immune to struggling with mental health, far from it.
The Dangers Of Teaching
“As a teacher, I cant help a female student without people thinking I’m trying to fuck her.” — EchoRespite
There were a lot of people who pointed out that this is not just confined to teaching, as some people highlighted instances were trying to help a female coworker had lead to some people assuming that they are trying to sleep with her. While there are some terrible men out there, not all men are simply being nice for the sake of sex, some people are just genuinely nice.
Being Thought The Worst Of
“I am pretty young, but somehow, this sh*t still happens. I was playing with my sisters at the park, and we were playing tag. At one point, this middle-aged lady comes up to my sisters and asks if they know me, and how they know me and whatever.
“I come up to her and say, those are my sisters, and she just gives me the stink eye, ignores me, and turns back to my sisters and keeps interrogating them. It was only after my mom came to see what was going on, that the lady left. BTW, I’m in middle school and have been mistaken for being 11 years old, so I don’t know what that lady thought I was doing.” — DeoxyNucleus
It sounds like this person grilling your sisters sounds like the creepy one in this situation.
Feeling Invisible
“You could be the most depressed person on the planet and no one would give a sh*t. It’s something I’ve been thinking about recently and it’s making me even more depressed” — kind_stranger69420
Suicide rates in men are worryingly high. In fact, suicide is the main killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK. If you feel like you cannot talk to someone you know, there are anonymous helplines and chat rooms you can find online, talking does help.
Fighting
“Personally, saying anything that can be construed as disrespectful to another guy. Most guys are quick to fight, and I’m not one to fight. Only been in one in my life, and the outcome wasn’t great for me. But it’s rough when you do things like deny selling alcohol to someone who is obviously drunk, and they want to fight you because if it. But that’s just me.” — whyisreplicainmyname
There were quite a lot of comments about the assumption that men want to fight. However, this is far from the case.
Medical Emergency
“The first time one of your balls ascends into your groin”
This was among the top answers. Not every man has experienced this, but those who have, know about it. (Also, strongly urge you not to google this!)
“Men Can Shoulder It All”
“Speaking on behalf of my husband: the sheer expectation that he can shoulder everyone’s stress. If you are a man with emotional intelligence, people will simultaneously act like you are both a rare unicorn, and that you must take that emotional intelligence and merge it with the ‘MEN CAN SHOULDER IT ALL’ mentality.
“This means he’s utilized way too often by too many family and friends who don’t make any emotional effort. He’s asked to manage everyone’s drama.” — Ladyughsalot1
This person went on to say that their husband has taken the time to make sure that they are not taking too much emotional weight on. However, the expectation that people have that a man cannot burn out is very worrying.
Being Attacked
“Walking home alone at night. Doesn’t matter if you a guy or girl that is scary and you have to worry about being mugged or kidnapped.” — PM_ME_YOUR_CUTE_HATS
A study was published not long ago in which it was discovered that from a sample, on average, men were more likely to be the victims of assault despite the margins being fairly narrow. It is important to remember that anyone can be the victim of a violent attack and that we need to look out for one another.
Being Defined By Your Job
“Your whole identity is wrapped up in your job. You weren’t born to be a doctor, lawyer or entrepreneur? You must be some kind of loser.
“Your industry is laying people off? You’re definitely a loser. Your fault for choosing the wrong major twenty years ago.” — copperdomebodhi
We live in a culture that assigns so much weight to your employment. Some people do not want to be defined by their job, yet others will only see them through that one lens.
Being The Victim Of Rape And Not Being Believed That It Is Possible
“People say we can’t get raped because boner = consent.
“1 you can get stiff at any time
“2 viagra/ghb
“3 you can find someone sexy and not want to f*ck them” — DamienDutch
Men can feel embarrassed about talking about when they have been the victim of rape. However, this is something that can affect anyone, and you should never feel embarrassed about talking about it when you feel that you have been the victim of such an awful crime.
Assuming You Want To Fight For Someone Else
“When your date picks a fight with some random guy in a bar and expects you to defend her triflin’ ass. Happened to me. I walked up to the guy and calmly explained that I was just on a date, that I no longer care about her – considering the situation she just put me in – and told him I’m outta there. He laughed, we bro-fived and I left. I have no idea what happened to her.” — 114vxlr
The Lack Of Feeling
“The lack of feeling. I can’t remember the last time I was excited about anything. That fluttering that you feel in your chest as well as your mind. I miss the passion of childhood. I miss thinking that something, anything mattered. Or, if it does matter, that I can do anything about it.
“I miss being able to connect with others and feel that shared sense of wonder, and excitement, and life. I miss connecting with anything in any meaningful way. I miss being alive.” — Arbiterjim
I think that this can affect both men and women equally really. Anyone can generate feelings of apathy as they go through life for a variety of reasons. Trying therapy, or even just trying to go out and experience something new can be good ways to try and overcome these feelings.
Having Your Children Taken Away
“You have almost no control over what will happen to your kids if your SO wants to leave or make things up to get them taken away from you. I do not have children, but I have seen terrible things happen to friends who lost their kids and have read the stories online of men losing their children.
“My best friend’s ex-wife left him a month after she gave birth to their son. She just left the kid with him and ran off with some other guy. They are divorced and she all of a sudden misses her son now. She can come see him whenever she wants. If my friend would have left his son with her then decided to come back and see his son he would have to go through a legal process just in the hopes of being able to see him and he may not even get that chance. I just think it’s really messed up that men have no choice in the matter most of the time.” — azabovesobelow87
The Dangers Of People Lying
“My last relationship I got cheated on. She (my ex) spread rumors that I was abusive and violent, to hide the fact she’s an unloyal person.
“I had to find out through her best friend messaging me asking me if it was true, because I seemed like ‘the nicest person’, and she wanted to know the truth. I explained and she was shocked. I was shocked. I didn’t think she’d stoop lower than she had done already. I’m lucky no one took her seriously enough to contact the authorities.” — Slim-Snowman
Lying about someone else in this way can ruin a person’s life. It still terrifies and baffles me that some people are capable of lying like this, it not only hurts the person they are lying about but affects all of those who are trying to report genuine cases of abuse.
Fighting The Pain
“Being told that because you’re a man you aren’t allowed to succumb to your chronic lower back pain. That you’re less of a man because you have some days where you have trouble walking or even getting out of bed because it hurts to even breathe.” — lightdreamer1985
This person went on to write that they appreciate the support network that they have found and assured others that they do not have to suffer alone. There are support groups for all manner of illnesses where you can find and support others who are struggling just as you are.
People Just Expect You To Be Okay
“When I was a teenage boy, my sister fell into a river. My dad put his hand on my back and pushed me in after her, saying ‘go get her’. Her leg was stuck on something but I got it free and she swam back to shore. I, however, was pinned by branches under the water that had somehow gotten around me. I remember looking up to the water’s surface and seeing the silhouettes of my family members walk away from the edge and thinking ‘no! wait!’.
“I scrambled as hard as I could to free myself and eventually got free and came up to take the best breath ever. When I was crawling back on the sand, my dad, sister, and brother were about 100 yards down the bank. He turned and said, ‘c’mon!’ and I hurried after while gagging on water. That about sums up my experience so far. People just expect you to be ‘okay’ in obviously dangerous situations. I knew guys who drank themselves to death because liquor is easy but saying ‘I need help’ is hard.” — Duracharge
