So I think we can all agree that 2020 has been… a lot so far. The only good part about it is that day drinking has become socially acceptable now and, in some circles, strongly encouraged .
Whether you’re pouring yourself a classy splash of scotch or chugging cheap grocery store wine right from the bottle, we’ve all reached a point of simply not giving a damn anymore. If 2020 wants to do us like this, then you can bet we’re going to deal with it the best way we know how.
If you’re like me and you’ve already blown through more than half your alcohol stockpile, then you’re probably going to enjoy these boozy memes I’ve so kindly collected and put into a neat little list for you.
Sit back, relax, and get ready to say, “Okay, that’s literally me .”
Keep it classy.
I hear wine tasting professionals spit out the wine rather than swallow it because apparently you’re only supposed to taste it, not get sloshed off it.
Well, those people are what I like to call “quitters.”
There’s always one.
They’re the ones who are up bright and early on Saturday morning cooking breakfast and banging pots around while you’re asleep in the bathroom hugging the base of the toilet.
It’s just not fair.
Fine dining.
I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve enjoyed my fair share of nachos at 3 a.m. while polishing off a bottle of wine.
I’ve also paired wine with mozzarella sticks, Cap’n Crunch, a Big Mac… The disgusting list goes on.
I’m very confident in this plan.
Look, all I’m saying is if Nic Cage could do it… I feel like we definitely have a shot.
Who’s in?
Someone please sing this with me.
This isn’t the kind of song you sing while sober, though. So if we really want to have a good ol’ fashioned sing-along, someone better bring some vodka with them.
That logic tracks.
Rubbing alcohol you rub, drinking alcohol you drink… Honestly, I’m on board, and I don’t think we should shame Chris for cracking the code on this one.
“Ahh, 1996. A good year.”
This is also how I feel when I go to family dinners and my aunt pours me a modest glass of her most expensive bottle that I definitely remember drinking out of a red solo cup with my cousins last weekend.
The perfect combo.
I mean, I’m not necessarily saying I’m a mixologist or anything. But I’ve certainly never heard any complaints about my double-wine cocktails.
*Bada-tssssss*
Also, when I’ve got just a lil buzz , I, too, appear this confident in myself.
Change my mind.
And just like when you’re a kid, if you have too many your head will hurt… it just happens the next morning instead.
Every single time.
I don’t think I’ve ever actually met someone for just “one drink.” Do people really do this? Do they really say they’ll only have one, and then… only have one??
“This is what dreams are made of.”
This is also how I look at myself in the bathroom mirror at a party when I need to give myself a little pep talk so I can chug the King’s Cup drink when I get back out there again.
Sorry.
Ask anyone over the age of 22 and they will tell you that drinking in the comfort of your own home is infinitely better than going out to some bar somewhere and spending twice the money for half the alcohol.
You have a choice to make.
Vodka means feeling like a bag of trash in the morning but still being able to say you had a good night and made minimal mistakes.
Tequila means waking up with one shoe on, finding kung-pow chicken in your bra, and realizing you took someone else’s purse.
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Cheers!
Not to sound like an alcoholic or something, but I’m of the belief you can always be drunker . Of course there’s a limit, and drink responsibly, etc. etc.
But, you know, reach for the stars.
“Maybe just one more.”
This past New Years, I was literally getting ready to tap out at 4 a.m., having sufficiently rung in the new year and realized I needed a comfy bed ASAP.
But that’s when the wonderful party host broke out the Jell-O shots. And suddenly, I was back in the game.
Gonna be a rough night.
Tomorrow you can expect to see lots of Advil, Gatorade, and cold pizza.
And by around 6 p.m, we’ll be right back into the alcohol.
It’s the polite thing to do.
You can expect me to arrive at any party with a drink in my hand, a smile on my face, and a second drink in my other hand.
Let the record show the prosecutor has little to no evidence of this occuring.
I don’t think we should shame drunk-me for whatever she did last night. I don’t know her, I do not associate with her, so I shouldn’t be held accountable for her many, many mistakes.
You gotta take those up with her.
The dream.
What a world that would be, am I right? Being able to drink your weight in wine and not having to worry about that one guy in college, the Econ major who said he’d call but never did even though I was pretty sure we both had a good time, Trevor .
