For so many of us, some of our fondest childhood memories took place at our grandparents’ house. Although we didn’t always understand it this way at the time, with that house came an opportunity to be spoiled in a way that would create too many problems if our parents replicated it on a daily basis.
In my case, I didn’t even care that my grandparents lived in an area with pollen that wreaked absolute havoc on my allergies every time I went. It was worth it.
But unfortunately, that’s not always how it works and some kids can find that their parents need to protect them from the fact that their grandparents simply don’t accept them the way they are.
And that scenario is at the heart of an ethical dilemma one dad recently went through.
As the single father we’ll be talking about today tells it, his daughter and son (not pictured) have always been very close.
As he said , this is despite the fact that they couldn’t be more different as his son (code named “Marcus”) is the introverted, artsy type who gets a lot of fulfillment out of volunteering for charity events.
As for the daughter (code named “Maria”), she is a lot more active and outgoing with hobbies ranging from mixed martial arts to trips to the firing range.
Maria also has a painful uterine condition called endometriosis and Marcus has been known to take on a very nurturing and supportive role when she has a particularly bad attack.
When the pandemic first emerged, the father’s parents asked to move in with them because of their high risk for COVID-19’s more severe effects.
Unfortunately, both haven’t had much of a relationship with Marcus or Maria up to this point due to the effects the father’s hard-nosed parenting style had on the man while was growing up.
Nonetheless, he agreed to let them stay rent-free. However, he said that it wasn’t long before they — and particularly the father — pestered him about how Marcus wasn’t “manly” and Maria wasn’t “ladylike.”
Although he was consistent in expressing his distaste for these comments, the man was willing to let them slide both because he knew his father was unlikely to change and — more importantly — the parents had said them to him and not the children directly.
However, that changed on one evening when he had to work late and his parents cooked for the kids.
When we got home, the children were visibly upset and when he followed up on why, he learned that the parents reacted badly when Marcus helped Maria through a spike of endometriosis pain.
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As he put it, “They said that they had told Maria to just suck it up while she was in pain and told Marcus that he needed to stop being a weak or he would be a useless man when he grew up.”
This led him to kick his parents out on the spot and while they left, that wasn’t the end of it. In his words, “They called me and left numerous voice mails about how I wouldn’t care if they were to get sick.”
Now, he’s wondering if he should’ve tried harder to explain his problems with their comments rather than kicking them out.
When he shared his story with Reddit’s r/AmITheAsshole community, however, they largely told him that he nailed it the first time.
As one user has some idea as to what Maria goes through said , “Your kids are priority one and as a woman with PCOS who has a sister with endometriosis, I would’ve seen red if someone told me or my sister to ‘suck it up.’”
Another person was delighted to hear about the way Marcus treats Maria and said, “Nurture your kids’ personalities and interests. The world needs more soft, gentle men and more strong, capable women, both. There’s no wrong way to be a man or a woman as long as you’re treating others with respect and kindness, IMO.
“Your parents aren’t paying rent, and they’re constantly talking down to your kids? Sorry, your kids are your primary concern now, not the parents. I hope they stay healthy but that’s no longer your concern.”
Finally, one person came through with the most satisfyingly appropriate answer for his parents, “Tell them to suck it up and quit being so weak.”
They shouldn’t have a problem with that, right?
h/t: Reddit | AITA_kick_father_co
