Parenting your own children can be tough, but trying to parent someone else’s is a battle all of its own.
The image of the “wicked” step parent from childhood movies and stories doesn’t exactly paint these individuals in the best light. Add to that a teenager’s reluctance to accept this new authority figure in their life, and you have the perfect recipe for a tumultuous relationship.
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One step dad who’s been dealing with his own… problematic step child recently collided with the teen, and shared the story of that argument online.
The unidentified man posted in the subreddit /rAmITheAsshole in an effort to identify whether he had overreacted to the situation or not.
In that post , he began by explaining he’s been married to his wife, Elise, for 12 years, and they have a seven-year-old son together.
They also co-parent Elise’s 16-year-old daughter, Ana, from her previous relationship.
From the moment the man joined the family, he said he and Ana have simply never gotten along.
But, he added, that’s not for lack of trying on his part.
“She just does not like me,” the man said. “When she was young she was just scared of me and ‘afraid I’d tear their family apart’. Nowadays it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy so I suppose that’s progress.”
As the sole breadwinner of the household, the man basically funds every aspect of Ana’s life, from her food to her extracurricular hobbies, like playing volleyball.
He doesn’t just hand her the money for the league and leave it at that, either.
As he wrote , “I go to her games. I’m not saying I’m perfect but I try my damn hardest to be the [best] step-father I can.”
However, despite all his efforts to be a part of her life, Ana still doesn’t like her stepdad.
“[She’s] always giving me curt 1-word responses,” he explained. “Always having to have an attitude. She does things to get a rise out of me. Staying out late reeking of booze. Always trying to sneak boys in. Typical rebellious stuff.”
Of course, she has nothing but love and adoration for her biological dad who isn’t exactly a model father.
The stepdad explained that Ana’s father has missed her sporting events and is constantly making up excuses not to see her. He even missed her birthday this year, which hurt the teen so badly that she cried herself to sleep that night.
But no matter how often he disappoints her, she still adores her bio dad.
Tension between Ana and her stepdad reached an all-time high recently when she snapped at him and said he wasn’t her “real dad.”
Following that devastating exchange, her stepdad said he has given up on trying to be a part of her life when she wants absolutely nothing to do with him:
“I’m tired. Tired of the blatant disrespect. Of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family.”
So when the teen recently came to him asking for him to pay for her plane ticket to visit her boyfriend across the state, he said “no.”
In fact, he told her to go ask her “real dad” for the money instead.
This response made Ana cry, and her mom Elise later took the stepdad aside to scold him for being so “disrespectful,” but he wasn’t about to apologize:
“I said if anything’s disrespectful, it’s [Ana] treating me like a doormat and a credit card, and I will no longer tolerate this treatment in my house.”
Now he’s taken to the internet to ask the people of Reddit one very important question: Was he being an asshole when he told his stepdaughter to ask her “real dad” for money instead of him?
For the most part, the answer was a pretty clear and confident, “no.”
“She’s the bratty teenager, not you,” this person commented, while another agreed and added, “you’re not a punching bag.”
“16 years old is plenty old enough to know that actions have consequences, and so do words,” someone else wrote.
But while many users insisted the stepdad was not the asshole in the situation, others said they don’t necessarily believe Ana is, either.
In fact, many said the reason the teen lashes out at her stepdad likely has to do with her own biological father’s neglect. As this person wrote,
“Please consider that because her father is an unreliable, unaccountable and disinterested person, she cannot rebel against him. She is rebelling against you 2x. She is terribly hurt by his behavior but very likely she has tried to demand his attention before and he may have punished her emotionally for it. She has major abandonment issues with him. She wants him to care that she’s behaving badly and rebelling.”
And another person backed that up with their own experience and psychology.
“I don’t know if this will make sense, but in her eyes, it is safe to hate you, and take things out on you,” they wrote .
“No matter what she does, she knows from experience that you will still be there. You will always care for her and take care of her.
“My best advice is to sit down with her and have a quiet talk. Tell her that you’ll always be there for her, and that it hurts when she treats you so badly.
“I still remember when my stepdad sat down with me and had that talk. I still remember his words: ‘You just won’t let anyone get close to you will you? That is so sad.’ Later, I realized that he was a pretty good guy after all. I still consider him my ‘real dad.’ I didn’t then. Good luck.”
The stepdad has since shared a follow-up post to his original story, updating everyone on this situation.
In that update he revealed he listened to many users’ advice and apologized to Ana for what he said. After admitting he may not be her real dad, but he loves her as if he were, the stepdad was surprised when Ana broke down in tears and demanded to know why her biological dad doesn’t feel the same way.
The pair spent that night confiding in each other and discussing the possibility of Ana attending therapy sessions to deal with her resentment toward her father.
In the week since their discussion, the stepdad said he’s noticed a change for the better in the teen and is feeling “optimistic” about the future of their father/daughter relationship.
What do you think of this situation? Let us know in the comments!
h/t: Reddit
