Trauma and loss can change you fundamentally.
Recovering from the death of a loved one is not a linear process— mourning does not have an expiry date .
Experiencing loss can also be isolating, as sometimes the people aren’t you simply can’t understand what you’re going through.
Michael suffered through a loss that no one should have to experience.
“A few years ago , my girlfriend Jackie passed away tragically in an accident while coming back from her college class,” he shared on Reddit . “We were together for eight years.”
“She was my everything. I had no doubt in my mind I was marrying her”
He went onto describe the many life milestones he experienced with her, including vacations and wild adventures.
” We had so many small things that were just ours.”
After her passing, he was “beyond heartbroken.”
He shared that he became depressed, lost a lot of weight, and was forced to drop out of school.
Fortunately, he had amazing support from his friends and family, who helped him to eventually get his life back on track.
Fast forward to now, Michael is in a new relationship with his girlfriend Abby.
He’s been with Abby for two and a half years, and even sees himself marrying her some day.
Unfortunately, he still deeply feels Jackie’s loss.
Michael’s grief came bubbling to the surface when Abby found a picture of Jackie— his dead girlfriend—in his wallet.
The back of the picture read: “I love you so much Michael, I cant wait to spend my life with you. You’re my everything <3. Love, Jackie"
Abby broke down.
“Do you still love her?” she asked, “Have you not been able to move on?!”
Michael said nothing. He didn’t know what to say.
Now, he will have to confront his grief head-on.
He still loves Jackie—and doesn’t think he will ever stop loving her.
But Abby, his current girlfriend, is still extremely important to him.
“I don’t carry her photo because I haven’t moved on,” he clarifies, “I carry it because I would be devastated if anything happened to it as it is the last physical thing I have in her memory.”
Now he’s alone, unsure of what to do next.
He can either get rid of the photograph, the only piece of Jackie he has left, to make Abby happy, or he can tell Abby that he isn’t over Jackie, and watch as his current relationship comes to an end.
This is a choice that no one should have to make.
A lot of people seem to understand how nuanced the situation is, and are trying to help Michael find a compromise.
“Out of respect for your girlfriend, it may be time to get some counselling and learn how to let [Jackie] go” one person writes, “Keep the photo, but not in your wallet.”
Another person tells him that he can treasure the photo without taking it everywhere. “It’s important that you don’t carry it like an anchor.”
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“You don’t need to forget Jackie, but you do need to live in the now—with the living.”
This situation will not be an easy fix, but it is truly inspiring to see so many people band together to give him advice on how to move on in a healthy way.
Support is a massive aid to the grieving process, and though Michael has yet to fully heal, others can help him move in the right direction.
