Have you ever watched someone walk so confidently head-first into a joke they didn’t even know was coming? It can be pretty glorious in the moment, for everyone but them that is, especially when they did something to truly deserve it.
That’s the mindset that went into this list, showing off some jokester who really got what they deserved, and that moment being captured for all to see.
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“My sister: ‘You can do the half-marathon with me! Trust me, it’s not that bad.’ …”
If anyone ever suggests that you take up running, I would recommend running as far away from them as possible. They do not have your best interests at heart. They just want someone who runs worse than them so they can feel better about themselves, I’m convinced.
“My friend invited me to her 1-year-old’s birthday party, so I bought this box to put his real present inside.”
You mean this isn’t a real product? But building a fire is such a great skill to have! It’s never too early to start learning how to survive out in the wild, and this kit looks like a great way to introduce both makeshift pit-building and proper wood positioning!
“In a brief lapse in judgement, I asked what’s the difference between left and right tampons were.”
In your defense, they’re also positioned perfectly to be read as left or right, and if you’re not familiar with them, that’s the first connection your brain would make!
If anyone’s wondering, though, they stand for light and regular. This was new information for a lot of people in the original comment section.
“My Fianće did not want to be in the picture, so I honored her wishes…”
This only feels a little underhanded because you had a ton of room to crop her out and still have the dogs in. Then again, your dog is sporting a pretty good expression, so there’s no harm in showing it off twice!
“I received my first letter from my brother after he moved halfway across the country.”
Ah, the sentimentality between two loving brothers is truly unmatched. Nowhere else will you find such a beautiful connection wherein both sides cherish the other so greatly. They’ll never actually show it, mind you, but we can read between the lines.
“My wife and I both secretly opened the cookie package.”
That’s how you know you found your perfect match, you both try to sneak food in the same way as not to hurt the other’s feelings.
You don’t need to, though, there’s no point in hiding things like this from one another. Be open. Enjoy your cookies.
“I got a new lamp… then the cat did this.”
While you were busy picking out new lighting for your home, your cat was gaining more and more self-awareness. It knows now that you are its sole oppressor, and it refuses to stand for your tyranny any longer. Sleep with one eye open, and maybe with that lamp on.
“And then he [realized], he is not a cat.”
Dogs exist on a spectrum between hating cats and wanting to be cats. Sometimes, the dogs that are on the extreme end of the ‘wanting to be cats’ side take it a little too far. I promise he will not learn from this and will absolutely do it again.
“My buddy is a Dodgers fan. I’m a Giants fan. We had a friendly $20 bet on who would win the NLDS. Here is the $20 I will be giving him Monday.”
You could make this even more painful yet. Dump the bag inside his car, scattering them all about. Hide it in the bottom of his trash can. Bury them along the beach and hand him a metal detector. Just giving him the bag is going easy on him!
“Why you never put design to a vote. I present… my high school senior t-shirt. Blue Valley High School Tigers.”
Why are you saying designs shouldn’t be put to vote? This is glorious! It’s something your graduating class will look back on and laugh, which is what you should do with high school, because it stops mattering the second you leave it.
“A welcoming sign I came across while out hiking in the woods.”
In case you can’t quite make it out, the sign reads, “Entitled [expletive], you are now on cameras that go directly to my phone. Stay the [expletive] out.”
Aggressive, to the point, but not an actual threat so they can’t really get in trouble. Smart!
“Got the units wrong on my custom gym wall mirror so if anyone knows a mouse looking to get jacked DM me.”
How is any mouse supposed to admire their gains when it’s so blurry? At least clean it up a bit before trying to resell it, a mouse can’t hold a bottle of Windex and do it itself!
“My daughter lost a tooth. My spouse and I said it was worth a dollar. Our daughter sent us this screenshot.”
Your daughter knows what she’s worth, and what her teeth are worth, refusing to be paid anything less than the market average. This is a good attitude to have, making sure she won’t be shorted in the future, but right now it does mean you’ll have to shell out more for that molar.
“So I had my student ID taken this morning and this how it turned out.”
That’s what going to school feels like on the inside, so it’s only fitting you have an ID that displays that deep, primal emotion with everyone who asks to see it. Disgruntled and tired, that’s the eternal mood.
“My six-year-old nephew got in trouble at school today. I feel his pain, I can’t resist saying it either.”
When you learn what swear words are as a kid, it becomes so hard not to say them! It’s so thrilling, knowing you’re saying something bad, so of course you want to show it off and get your cool-kid cred up in class.
“You are NOT going to believe what happened while you were gone.”
“A horde of wild badgers stormed in through the window! They were scurrying all about, that’s why I got up on the table, and they made an absolute mess! I was barking at them, begging them to stop tearing up the couch, but they wouldn’t listen! Wait, hold on, I have some foam in my teeth…”
“Spilled my drink so the bartender made me a sippy cup.”
That looks like a practiced art, so you can at least take solace in knowing you’re far from the first person this bartender has had to do this for. It takes away the fear of spilling any more too. They did you a favor.
“I’m coming home and want to do the washing and then I see these guys haha.”
The casual way with which you wrote this title makes it sound like this happens often. Does it? Are these pigeons friends of yours, just swooping in your open window and hanging out in your apartment? How does one go about making pigeon friends?
“Went to sneak some cupcakes after my wife went to bed and found them like this.”
People in the comments were suggesting ways of getting back at her for this, like hiding them elsewhere or simply cutting through the leash, but why does she need to be retaliated against? She was protecting what was rightfully hers, as she should!
“This is my GF’s frying pan and I hate it. Her house goes on the market tomorrow. She just sent me this picture.”
“I wasn’t totally sold on the house, but then I saw the incredibly old, unbelievably beat-up pan! Does that really come for free with purchase? What an incredible deal, I simply have to put an offer in, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”
“Don’t go back, Brandy! You deserve better.”
A lot of people took this as a pretty stern warning that no one should ever get into a relationship with a person who has access to a banner printer. It’s pretty solid life advice as well I suppose.
“My brother got this pizza in Rome, Italy…”
If you manage to go to Italy and find a pizza that looks this bad, then the ownership is completely on you. This person must have gone out of their way to find the only bad pizza in Italy!
“Student handed this in today.”
Wait, so is the bit that reads, “The one time we tried,” talking about them trying to complete their homework or is this the first time that they tried to feed the homework to their dog?
“Seen on a Jukebox in Dallas…”
The idea that people would try to play this song before December is baffling to me. What kind of person could possibly be so excited for Christmas that they would do this? The world is a truly strange place.
“My team said we were dressing as Dominoes.”
One very suspicious detective posited: “Detective here. If they were all independently picking costumes then they wouldn’t have the exact same domino costumes. Since they picked them as a group they would have got one for him too. Ergo, the pizza costume was intentionally chosen to make this joke.”
“I was at my kid’s school for a costume parade. One Dad misunderstood in the best way possible.”
Or was the truth of this situation actually that this one guy perfectly understood what he was meant to do and all of the other parents were in the wrong?
“The produce lady at the grocery store I work at may be on to something…”
I can imagine that the woman who put this up was absolutely over the moon with this. It’s pretty damn weird, but emo veg was what I was known as on the street back in the day.
“Free hat in every box.”
Who wouldn’t want a free hat with each box of biscuits that they bought? Although, I suppose that after getting your fifteenth free sombrero it might actually get a little cluttered in your apartment.
“Imagine, you are at someone’s funeral and suddenly look down and see this.”
You would not want to get kicked by the person wearing these shoes, they look as though they could stab right through you if you were kicked hard enough!
“This is what I get for parking like an asshole, I deserved it.”
Although, it was noted, “I just wanna pour one out for all the people who are forced to park like assholes because someone else parked like an asshole. Then are left looking like the initial asshole who parked like that. I understand your pain.”
