Many professionals work hard in an effort to lead successful careers. The desire for a good paycheck, benefits, and a flexible work schedule only seems to increase the longer we work and the more effort we give, but it doesn’t always materialize in the way we hope.
Whether it’s a difference in profession, the gender pay gap, the racial pay gap or something else, people often feel unappreciated if their hard work feels outshined by someone’s else’s.
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Most of the time, when we put a lot of hard work into something, we’re hoping for others to appreciate our tenacity, passion and hard work. Yet, that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes we can be left feeling virtually invisible even after sacrificing our time and energy.
There are times when professions disrupt our relationships.
While many couples don’t want to admit it, there’s no ignoring who makes more money and who works the most hours. When it comes to joint income, there can be an uncomfortable power imbalance in which one or both partners feel self conscious.
One man got a promotion that changed everything.
He recently took to Reddit’s popular r/AmITheAsshole page for some input on a pretty big fight he had with his wife over that promotion.
He explained that he and his wife have been together for 10 years and are both 30 and childfree by choice:
“My wife is a social media/ad sales manager, and I am a computer scientist. I was promoted just before the pandemic and now make about 3x what she does (we both have Bachelor’s degrees from the same school).”
His wife wasn’t exactly impressed by his new promotion.
As the man explained, lately she’s been pointing out that despite their pay difference, he does “a lot less work” than she does:
“Essentially, I am given projects and deadlines. If I finish a project prior to the deadline, I spend my extra time playing Xbox, taking the dogs to the park, and keeping the house tidy. Her job is different – she works 8-10 hours a day and is often roped into helping co-workers with projects when she isn’t working.”
The tension was mounting.
He shared with Reddit users that she’s become increasingly frustrated, or in his opinion, “jealous that [he] works less hard (her words) than her, yet gets paid more more than her.”
“We’re both 7-8 years into our career and she feels I’ve come much further than her. I could see these conversations weren’t going to end well, so I always tried changing the convo.”
He tried to reassure her that their “worth as people isn’t measured by salary,” but she has only continued to resent his new flexibility and higher pay.
Despite his efforts to diffuse the situation, things have only gotten worse.
As the man explained , “Every time [my wife] sees me playing Xbox or something, she has to make a snide comment about how I don’t deserve my salary, how she wishes she got paid to sit on her ass, etc.”
His own frustrations with the situation mounted and eventually, he snapped: “Two days ago I told her that while I may not work as many hours, my skillset is much more difficult than hers and far more desirable.”
He says he’s sick of her constant negativity towards the matter.
During their heated argument, he told his wife that “if she was unhappy with our COMBINED household income (just over $200k) that she could go back to school and get a computer science degree, and that I was absolutely sick of her trying to make me feel bad because she’s unhappy with her career.”
Not so surprisingly, she’s since been giving him the silent treatment.
Her mom has even found her way into the situation and called up her son-in-law to tell him off “for belittling her.”
“Of course, my wife didn’t mention that she’s been giving me s*** for over 6 months now,” the man fumed in his Reddit post . “I’m genuinely curious if I’m an asshole and should have kept my mouth shut, or if I was justified in finally giving her a piece of my mind.”
This appears to be one of those rare occasions when the Reddit jury is actually indecisive on their verdict.
Some users were on his side, like this person who wrote,
“This wouldn’t be an issue without her jealousy which is unreasonable. [He] does his work to the deadlines. He has no reason to be picked on. They’re both in different lines of work with different duties and expectations.”
But then there were some people who said they could understand where his wife was coming from.
As one user explained,
“I am an ER RN who is married to senior software engineer. He’s right. His job very technical. However, my husband makes double my salary. Yet, my job is way more stressful than his. I don’t get lunch. He used to take 1-2hr lunch with coworkers. Sometimes I can’t even pee for hours. So I get the envy.”
In the end, the man’s Reddit post has been slapped with an “Everyone’s The Asshole” label, since no one can really decide who exactly is in the wrong here.
Let us know what you think and who you believe is the real asshole of this situation in the comments!
h/t: Reddit
